Friday, June 3, 2011

Where the #%@! is Spring??

I admit it. I am an extremely controlling person. One might even say a bitch. I am sure many have. I like things in order, on time, and in accordance with my schedule- and I do my damnedest to make life that way. It drives my kids and husband crazy- but I don't care. It is how I am and I like me just fine. So they just live with my rants about traffic, taxes, the government and try to keep their heads down and their mouths shut.
Now- the biggest thing I have absolutely zero control over (not like anyone does except for the secret government agency that controls it) is the weather. I grew up in the desert. It was hot or it was cold. You could plan your day and not worry about shit changing in the blink of an eye. 

And whether it was 120 degrees out ( no exaggeration- it WAS the desert after all) or 20 below- it didn't really phase me. 

Then I got married and moved to Michigan.  I have NEVER understood the weather patterns here. It is seriously like a petri dish- it's sunny-yet it's raining, it's 80 degrees today- but tomorrow the temperature drops 40 degrees. It's supposedly Spring but there is a winter weather advisory.  What in the hell is going on in this state? In the whole damn Midwest for that matter?

People say they love it here- there are 4 seasons... yeah- I agree- cold, cold, semi warm, humid. I miss living in California where the temperatures were always in the 60's. Anything below that was a "cold snap" and people freaked out and rushed out to buy winter clothes. I would take the  Santa Ana winds  over this ridiculous hodge podge of weather we have been experiencing any day.

 I remember 8 years ago and my kids were hunting for Easter eggs in snow pants and snow boots. I can also remember it being hot enough for shorts and tank tops and planning to go swimming on Easter.  There has been a year here and there where it was rainy (expected) but mild enough for pretty Easter clothes and light sweaters and jackets. Two, maybe three  years in the almost 9 I have lived here. This year is the latest Easter has come in a very long time- and the weather has gone from the 60's, 70's and 80's a week ago- to freezing temps, bitterly cold wind and a snow storm coming to dump anywhere from 4-6 inches of snow on us. I just broke out the capri's and flip flops, turned the furnace off and took the electric blankets off the beds- now I am getting all the winter crap out again and freezing my ass off! Been waiting all winter to get some cute new stuff to show off my 30 pound weight loss- and now I am back in hoodies.

I need to get OUT! I want to open the windows, throw the kids and animals out and blow off these nasty winter blahs! Not this week, SPRING BREAK MY ASS!  Take one overly controlling, OCD mom and add snow in mid April plus kids home for spring break (ha- what a joke) and you have got yourself a recipe for disaster.  I haven't got nearly enough wine or tranquilizer darts to make this week tolerable.

So I have been cleaning, doing laundry, finding things that ARE within my control to keep myself from losing my mind completely. . It has been a snowy, cold miserable bitch of a winter and I NEED Spring!!  I am snappy with everyone, jumpy, and feel like crawling out of my skin. I think I need some serious psychological help. This is something they medicate for...right?   In the meantime I will be self medicating every day after 5:00 (hopefully). The liquor store people know my face well...hell they know me by name and wine preference at this point.

The kids are in for a rough week- they are too old for me to micro manage and plan stuff each day to keep them busy (hahahahahha! Like I EVER did that!) and my youngest has ADHD so bad he makes a monkey on crack look calm. My tweenzilla will be pissy and bored, and the oldest who just recently moved home will be parked in front of the TV or having friends over to eat me out of house and home. And me? I will be pulling my damn hair out.  My husband will be coming home to the kids running amok and  me still in my pajamas in a corner blubbering incoherently.

I want to run away to where it is warm. Where I can open the windows and let the spring breeze in. Where I can sit outside and enjoy the weather with a glass of wine and a plate of cheese and fruit. I want to kick the kids out of the house - they are just as jittery as I am from being cooped up.  Better yet- I want to locate that secret government compound where they MUST be controlling the weather and blow that shit up.