Friday, June 3, 2011

The care and feeding of a 12 year old girl

Have you ever tried to really figure out the mind, thoughts or emotions of a tweenage girl? DON'T!!  Trying to decipher my 12 year old has me banging my head on the wall..literally. She is a moody, snippy emotional wreck most of the time. 

The rest of the time she is a funny, smart, talented girl who is a pleasure to be around..unfortunately that side is losing it's majority vote.  While she is not "officially" a teenager yet- she has been on the path since toddler hood. I knew from a very early age that my beautiful princeASS was going to be a headstrong, opinionated, confident ,young lady. Don't get me wrong. These are all good traits to have- but they come with a downside...a whining, eye rolling, foot stomping, door slamming downside.

Since beginning middle school my daughter has changed so rapidly- she grew 3 inches, got boobs, started her period and discovered boys.  Yes-boys. The hormones are strong with this one, and I am considering locking her in a cage or making her wear a chastity belt, or strapping her budding chest down with an ace bandage- any other ideas are welcome.

We are currently dealing with her first crush/heartbreak. She started liking this boy at the end of 6th grade. It was cute, girl likes a boy. Harmless right? This young man was very polite and cute too. Unfortunately he is also dealing with some issues of his own, things I can't really understand and I know that my daughter- despite her mature facade- is incapable of dealing with. So her father and I said that it was to be a friends only relationship- telling her she was too young, etc. etc.  Summer went by- she was busy- I didn't hear anymore- that was the end of it right?

Recently I have heard some disturbing things from other friends and other friends moms. They are apparently a "couple" and she is head over heels for this boy. Something I was completely blown away by when it came to my attention. I stalk her Facebook and her phone and have seen no signs...what did I miss and when? I asked her about it- and my normally chatty daughter clammed up and claimed that they were friends and nothing else. I reiterated my rules- no dating, no boyfriends at 12 years old. We will revisit the topic later on down the road. 

Then came the first boy/girl birthday/movie party. This also caught me off guard as she never told me that boys were invited as well- one of them being THE boy. I spoke with the mom and they were going to be chaperoning so I let her go.  And again- I hear the very disturbing "She REALLY likes this boy" *sigh* Now I have to bring the hammer down and it's not going to be pretty.

So-  I sat her down to talk. I told her I didn't appreciate being lied to, and this was unacceptable and she is NOT allowed to have a boyfriend, she is only 12 years old and if I had to be a hard ass then I would.
Cue sobbing. Cue yelling  "You don't understand!"  Enter more lying as she tries to tell me he is just a friend. Not fooled little girl- those tears are not for a "friend"  Then there is me- pulling out the angry mom voice- telling her in no uncertain terms that this is to cease and desist immediately or there will be some very serious consequences.  Exit sobbing daughter- stomping up the stairs slamming bedroom door and cranking music up.  Dad looking completely shell shocked and me feeling like I was just run over by a truck.

This will certainly not be the last time we deal with such things but it has completely thrown me. After a couple of days of monosyllabic grunts and extra moodiness she is perking up again. The control freak in me is going crazy because while I can control what is going on at home, on the computer and phone and outings- I can't do that at school. So now I have to trust her not to lie to me- and that is hard. She's a kid, this is her first "love" I remember what that was like- it was wonderful, awful, amazing and terrifying.  I am watching her grow up- and let me tell you there is nothing more  frustrating  and scary  than being witness to your baby girl turning into a woman. But the transformation is not complete. She is still a little girl, whether she likes it or not and I intend on keeping it that way for as long as I possibly can.