Friday, June 3, 2011

Damn, I wish I'd have done more Kegals...

I have fucking bronchitis. I get it EVERY damn year- but I had thought I might have skipped this year. Nope. Throw in a new job teaching the snot nosed germ encrusted hope for the future and a week from hell- I guess I was prime for sickness.  Now as I am sure you know- bronchitis causes ridiculous coughing.  Add in the fact that I smoke (yeah, yeah- save the speeches- I know) and the coughing is keep me up all night, annoy the hell out of family and friends, and make me sprint for the bathroom so I don't pee my pants kind of coughing.  And I curse myself for not doing my Kegal exercises.

If you have had kids , hell, even if you haven't I am sure as a female you have heard the term "Kegal exercise" if you don't know what it is read up on it here.  OK- now that you know what they are you can keep up. Your pelvic floor needs no super special attention- no landscaping or anything, which is the good news,but apparently it is very very bad news is if you don't take care of it by doing your Kegels, You might very well find yourself peeing when you laugh, sneeze or in my case- cough like a plague victim.  The REALLY bad news?  Your uterus/bladder could LITERALLY fall out of your vag...a vaginal or uterine prolapse. This is serious and would require surgery to put stuff back. So avoiding that is a good idea.

Apparently I have been doing them somewhat wrong- I use my butt and belly muscles too much. So I did some research and have found something very interesting. Ever hear of  Ben Wa Balls? Yup- a sexual aid but also apparently a fantastic Kegal exerciser... who knew? These weighted balls, when inserted into your va-jay jay, will let you know if you are using the correct  muscles, otherwise as soon as you stand up the ball will fall right out. Explain THAT to the nosy kids/husband/neighbor!  After some time and practice rebuilding those muscles you can work up to being able to not only stand and hold the balls in, but walk around apparently. I have NOT tried this- I just if you choose to do this and you get all cocky and try to go to the PTA meeting or the kids soccer game and they fall out- DO NOT BLAME ME! The ben wa balls are apparently the gym for the pelvic floor muscles- think of them as the free weights. Just like at the gym- you don't want to drop them- everyone will stare. So do this in your locked bedroom, or bathroom would be my advice ( that I intend on following..maybe)

And apparently- they can't get lost in there either!! I could just see me explaining to the emergency room doctor how THAT happened... but because they are weighted the chance of them getting stuck is pretty remote. I am gonna wait to see if one of you does this and then relate the gory details- I am a serious chickenshit. 

Excuse me while I cough up this damn lung...oh shit! I have to pee!!!