Autism and Middle School- OH MY!

Starting the new school year can be tough on any kiddo. Transitioning to middle school is probably one of the biggest anxiety inducing transitions! Now- let's throw autism into the mix, and the challenges become more intense. Kids with autism usually have struggles with things changing, and a new school year is chock full of changes. New schedules and routines to get used to. New teachers, finding classrooms, finding lockers, having gym EVERY SINGLE DAY (is that just me?) , new educational and behavioral expectations, new rules for 7 DIFFERENT CLASSES!! Anxiety and stress are at maximum levels, meltdown probability  at 99-100%. PLEASEDONTLETITHAPPENATSCHOOL! ( I am already freaking out.)

On top of everything else- the change of seasons affects our kiddos, especially those who are very sensitive to certain types of clothing. School shopping has to be an exact science- but we all know it never is.  Middle school also means much less outdoor energy release, and much more indoor, have to sit, listen, and cope.  Gym (as much as I dread it) will be The Boy's only physical release opportunity- which sounds great- but gym is his least favorite class.  I am not counting on it to be a good way for him to get the much needed movement and exercise he needs to regroup. (Freaking out more now)

Although I try to keep bedtimes consistent throughout summer- it is a losing battle.  Not only will I have to get him adjusted to regular bedtimes again- he will have to get up earlier, eat, take his meds, get dressed and get ready- probably with ZERO TV time.... (I am seriously starting to hyperventilate).

Once they are at school, the sounds, sights, smells are all new stimuli that is very likely to put sensitive sensory systems into hyperdrive. (I need a drink).

What about the teachers that don't know how to work with an autistic kid?  We have had meetings, made sure a "Meet The Boy" letter was circulated, not to mention the numerous calls, and emails over the summer with concerns. But how is that all going to work out the first day, week, month?  (Somebody get me a glass of wine)

Yes, there are some positives, The Boy doesn't care about a new backpack, isn't too concerned with clothes, and will more than likely do well once he learns his schedule and that daily routine is established.  (Feeling a little calmer-maybe)

I wish I could say that the elementary school has well prepared him for the changes that are coming.  Working with him over the summer- I hope to have got him somewhat caught up- since he was never challenged in elementary school. Educational anxiety is the last thing he needs.... (PITA mom gearing up)

So here are are some things I have thought of- this is by no means everything, so  please comment with your tips and hints!  We have to stick together! 

Good Luck to us all!!!

Prepare yourself!!! A calm mom and dad are better able to help a child create a smooth back to school transition. 

Find or create social stories to help your child with any concerns about getting ready for and going to school. (Yes- even for Tweens and Teens!)

Re-set their internal clock! Early to bed, early to rise. (This will probably not earn you any points if you have a late sleeper- but we all know how erratic our ASD kiddos sleep patterns can be!)

Get a list of school supplies and put together a backpack WITH your child! They may have old favorites from the previous year- incorporate those if possible.  

Let your child pick out their outfit (with guidance if necessary), and lay it out the night before. By both of you working together to pick an outfit the night before, anxieties about “what will I wear” are reduced. Additionally, having the outfit picked out the night before speeds up getting out the door the next day.  (Tweens and Teens on the spectrum want to be cool and fit in, let them help with the clothes shopping!)

Put yourself out there! Make it clear to teachers and administration that you are available to answer questions and provide support for your kiddo. Make sure they have your phone number and email address and encourage them to use it!!  Be polite, but be firm, this is your kiddos education and you take it seriously, and you expect no less from the school.

Have confidence in your child’s abilities. They are smart,capable, and ready to learn, if given the right environment and right tools. Help make sure they have these tools and they will be the best they can be! 

WINE. LOTS OF WINE.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS FROM READERS AT Red Vines and Red Wine on Facebook

Jennifer R:  Make appointments with teachers/principal and get them into the school as many times as possible for an easy transition.

Lauren W: Don't wait till the first day to introduce new school shoes!!!! It takes mine about 2 weeks to like new shoes!!! Lol

Jess M: start talking about the coming changes and getting the routine started it will make it sooo much smoother to transition

Just wanting to fit in

Watching The Boy try so damn hard to make connections, belong, and fit in is physically painful for me. When he was younger, I could step in, help guide him. Now that he is older, playing football and being increasingly involved in peer to peer social situations that don't always involve an adult presence, I fear these differences are going to isolate him and batter his self esteem. To other's he is sometimes "weird" and "annoying". But he is only doing the best he can do in what must feel like an alien world.


Football is my way of trying to help him to belong. It's not his passion, and it is evident on the field. He does try, don't get me wrong. But he doesn't LOVE it. Dad and I have told him REPEATEDLY and emphatically that if he doesn't want to do it- it's FINE! We won't be disappointed, mad or even upset. Getting a kid on the spectrum to try new things, and step away from the video games is like pulling teeth. Just the simple fact he completed the whole season last year and is attempting another year is absolutely amazing, and awesome and I couldn't be happier! But I don't want it for me, I want him to want it. And if he doesn't, well, OK then, let's step away and find something else. But he insists he wants to play, promises to do better and it breaks my heart. Because no matter what he tries, no matter where his niche is, be it sports, music, art, WHATEVER- I am proud of any effort. And the last thing I want is for him to feel that if he doesn't do it I will feel like he failed.


I read all sorts of uplifting articles, "Teen with autism wanting to get fit finds success on football field", "Autistic football player an inspiration to many", "Autistic football player’s dream comes true" All very uplifting, inspiring stories. I love to hear these success stories, but have accepted that The Boy will probably not go that far, at least in football. But the last thing I want him to be is a "mascot" or a charity case, or a way to make an organization look good. "Look at us, we have an autistic player, aren't we great". Give him a chance, coach him, treat him like the rest of the players, INCLUDE HIM, and help the other players and coaches understand him. He will probably never score the winning touchdown, or maybe he will. The only way to know for sure is to give him that chance.


Every parent of every child has their own dream for that child. My dream is inclusion. I want my son to FEEL included. I want him to FEEL like he is valued and there is a place for him. So as long as he is making it to practice every day and putting in effort, I will expect the coach to FIND that place for him. Doing anything less is doing The Boy a disservice. I will never try and tell you how to coach football. I will tell you how I think you can coach The Boy, and how it can help not just you, but your team as a whole. At this level, every player is valuable and there is a place for them all.

Happy Not Mother's...I mean Father's Day!

This weekend is Father's Day- and like many dutiful wives- I plan on letting my husband sleep in, will cook his favorite dinner and keep the kiddos as quiet as possible (I'm thinking movie day for us). What I will not do? Mow the lawn for him- since the ONE time I did he complained I did it "wrong" so he gets that honor all to himself.

 I NEVER know what to get him- usually his wishes are beyond our financial capabilities. I ALWAYS ask for peace and quiet, to be taken out to breakfast and to not have to cook or clean. If I get some actual gifts- well that is a bonus!

He doesn't do the "traditional" dad things- golfing, fishing, etc. so there goes my idea for cheap greens fees or an all inclusive fishing expedition from Groupon. I REALLY want to get him a new grill- even though he protests and says he doesn't need one (I beg to differ).  He has said something about a tow package for his Jeep- but I am severely impaired when it comes to his Jeep- and after looking online I have NO CLUE as to which one he would need...

I wish

Cool, huh?

What he did ask for was a bonfire on Saturday night with "The Boys"- complete with too much booze, long involved conversations about The Avengers, Star Wars and when he is going to make another movie. I am all for it- but don't necessarily look forward to nursing his hangover on Father's Day- but if that is what he wants, well, who am I to protest?

He was very good to me on Mother's Day- I got several things I had asked for but didn't expect to get. Now granted- we had tax return money then, and now we are really tightening the budget with me not working this summer- but I really want to get him something. I LOVE to give presents (he will say I love to spend money which isn't true...anymore!) and I love to see the look on my sweeties face when I get him something totally awesome and not expected.

Always a winner

So what's it gonna be? Crazy sex? Favorite dessert? (can be combined with crazy sex- so it's a two-fer!)  A pony? Beer of the month subscription?  A Stormtrooper helmet with voice changer?      I'm stumped. Pretty shameful after 15 years of marriage. *Le Sigh*

If I want to be TOTALLY unexpected

Bring on summer vacation!

There are 8 days left until my kiddos are done with another school year.  8 days of wound up, distracted bundles of nervous energy to coax out of bed and get to school with minimal fuss.  8 days of lunches, finding backpacks, cramming for finals and end of the year parties. 8 days until I get my kiddos to myself for 10 wonderful weeks!

Yes- you heard me right! I am just as wound up and distracted as they are. I am NOT working this summer so I intend to make the absolute most of my time with my spawn.  Now- if you follow my blog at all, you might be saying- Hey! Wait just a minute! You wrote School is almost over. Please pass me my wine. and to an extent that still holds true. There will be the inevitable "I'm BORED's" and bickering that comes along with the kids being home, but I am ok with it this year. Stop laughing! I worked full time for the last 2 summers- and since I have been teaching for the last 12 years, that was a HUGE let down for me. Not being able to hang with the kids really bothered me.

As I blog hop, and hang out on Facebook, I see so many parents that really are dreading summer vacation. Finding stuff to keep them busy, keeping them from rotting in front of a television or computer screen, and, if you are monetarily challenged like we are, thinking up fun "Stay-cations" and cheap entertainment (now that's an oxymoron!) is a pain in the ass. Throw in Autism and now the challenges REALLY begin. I try to keep The Boy's schedule as "same" as possible. Later bedtimes happen, but I try to keep to the same time on them as well.. Anything major we might plan is discussed thoroughly and with plenty of time for him to prepare.   He has  no ESY (extended school year) so that frees up some time. There are 2 football camps he will be attending and  and one 8 week long camp that is 2 nights a week, so that will keep us busy for sure. Swimming at the local pool is also on the agenda, and, if I can get him interested enough- the summer reading program at the library. Add trips to the park and bike rides- and I have a nice chunk covered.

My tricky kid is going to be Teenzilla. She will be a big lazy blob if I let her. And she will be my biggest complainer too. Trying to find stuff to do that works for a 14 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy is interesting to say the least. Most of her friends travel in the summer (must be nice) so she is on her own a lot. She loves hanging out with me- when we can go to the mall, to a movie she likes, etc.etc. But again- that age difference is a killer at times.  She loves the library, so I foresee a lot of time spent there. She and her dad have mentioned something about building a hovercraft (no, I am not joking) this summer. I am sure there will be a couple of trips Up North, lazy days on the pontoon boat, swimming, fireworks and ice cream for breakfast.  We will have a Girls Day Out for her 14th birthday, and I am sure to feel a little bit teary when she leaves for her first day of high school this Fall.

None of this really matters to me though. I get to spend the summer with my kids. I love being a mom, and there will come a day when they will all be out living their own lives-(one of them already is!) and that is  just what I am raising them to do. For now, they are still  my babies. And the excitement of longer days, no homework, staying up later and making s'mores around the backyard bonfire will diminish. There is no way I want to look back and say- Damn, I wish I would have spent more time with my kids.

So bring on summer vacation! Yes, we will be broker than usual. Yes I will most likely bitch about it at some point. Yes they will drive me bonkers on some days. Yes, I will probably have a wine opener in my back pocket at all times.  I.Can't.Wait!

Up North ROCKS!

Welcome to The Pity Party- BYOB

So welcome to my pity party. Pull up a chair. No invite necessary, but you have to BYOB- bring yer own bitching AND bring yer own booze.

If you don't believe in pity parties, feeling sorry for yourself etc. well bully for you. Go spout some motivational catch phrases elsewhere and let me wallow.  I am only  human and I feel the need to rage against the universe and bitch for a bit.  If this isn't for you- then move along- I really won't be offended.  I'll just drink more wine. Well, actually coffee that I desperately wish was spiked with Baileys. 

So let's look at the list of reasons I am throwing this shindig today

1) My husband took a second job that requires him to work all fucking weekend. This was a CHOICE mind you- supposedly going to help finances. While I have yet to reap the benefits of this, I have certainly become a lot more irritated. Even when I put aside being a bitch for a minute and see that he doesn't really want to do it either- it seems to be a losing situation all around- so don't do it..mkay?  But if I say that to him, then I am Queen Selfish Bitch, and I play that role all to often.  But right now I am feeling very disconnected from my marriage and my husband and I am not sure if a couple hundred bucks extra a month is worth it. 

2)My job is now going to require me to stay until 6:00 every night since someone quit. Normally this wouldn't be an issue- because the mister would come pick The Boy up and Teenzilla wouldn't be alone for so long in the afternoons and dinner would be served at a decent hour.  But since he will be working 2 nights a week - The Boy stays with me, dinner will be late (anything past 6:00 is late for me- especially on a school night)

3)I missed out on any kind of Valentines Day. Yup- hubby was working. I don't want much, I mean I did get some cool cookie sheets which I asked for, but I was kind of hoping to at least get taken out to dinner...but because of this job sitch- that ain't happening. 

4) I have been on this insane creative cooking spree- wanting to try new things, new ingredients and all that. The Boy eats NOTHING. So, to make sure his scrawny ass gets something to eat, I cook separate dinners- something I swore I would never do again after the oldest was spoiled my his nana in the exact  same way. Took forever to break him!  But it is what it is, and I just hope with age and continued effort on my part- he will eventually start at least tolerating something new on his plate.

5) I have applied for 62 scholarships in the last 3 months. I also applied for my FAFSA. No word on any of the scholarships yet, FAFSA said I qualify for up to 10K in loans that the University of my choice would apprise me of.  I see so many friends finishing college and I am happy for them, yet jealous as well. And I hate for my happiness for my friends to be tainted with petty jealousy.   I am feeling my almost 39 years and am starting to think I am just too fucking old for this shit.

So there it is- my bullshit white people problems all laid out for people to mock or judge. I needed this today- writing is a supremely cathartic exercise- and while I am still boo-hooing in my coffee (which I  still wish was spiked with Bailey's) I am gonna go shower and make the most of the day that is left I guess.  I can suppress the pessimistic, whiny bitch  and let the optimist thrive. Then I will put on my flowing hippie dress and dance in a meadow...oops..that broody bitch just keeps getting out. Sorry I am not sorry. 

*The bright spot in all this gray? In 5 days I am going to get to see some amazing friends. Candice, Nikki, Danielle, and Rene- I can't WAIT for our weekend of debauchery. You really have no idea!

Play Dates with Autism and a host of other acronyms

There are certain words and phrases automatically strike fear in the hearts of parents of autistic children. Summer vacation. Low battery. Out of Goldfish crackers.  

The one that has always got me is "Play date"  The boy is 9 now- is it still considered a "play date?" What else could I call it? Hanging out? Bouncing off the walls followed by an overstimulated meltdown? That last one kinda takes the shine off what should be a fun time.  

Since social and play skills are a pretty standard deficits amongst children with autism, parents are encouraged to organize play dates with typically developing peers so that our kids can model their play schemes and behaviors.  I used to do this. When The Boy was in preschool and in kindergarten- I went out of my way to go to any and all play dates that were offered...and became a part of a babysitting exchange just for the opportunity to watch some neurotypical kids- and give The Boy an opportunity to go to their homes.  Because  we all know everything that neurotypical children do is so great and our ASD kiddos NEED to learn how to play like them. (Heavy on the sarcasm here...ok)

Try organizing a play date with other kids on the spectrum- or that have AD/HD. Or OCD. Or ODD. Or are EI. (emotionally impaired) That also gets tricky. Because - and I am being brutally honest here- there are days I can barely stand my own kid's incessant chatter about dinosaurs and Pokemon,  bouncing off the walls, picky eating habits and tendency to be drawn to all things electronic as opposed to real life interactions. I have never thought to myself  "Hey- The Boy is completely unpredictable at times, let’s invite  another one into the mix and see how crazy shit can get up in here"

Not to say we haven't had successful play dates over the years- sure we have. With both neurotypical kids AND kids on the spectrum, or AD/HD, or any other acronym you wanna throw out there. The dynamics are COMPLETELY  different of course, but one thing never changes- and that is my hovering, making sure to explain something The Boy may have just said or done that has the typical kid looking at him strangely, or diffusing what could be a very dangerous situation when two kiddos on the spectrum disagree about something- anything.   But we have survived them, and not been any worse off after. 

The scenario now: The Boy has this friend. He is in the special ed class he is in. Yeah- the school where he was to be fully mainstreamed and yet still goes to a special ed class... that is a rant for another time. This friend is the same age as The Boy. He is also EXTRAORDINARILY AD/HD. He is also very immature for his age and I suspect very emotionally impaired (EI). I have had the opportunity to work with this boy in the after school program where I work as well. I know him pretty well. And when he has a bad day he has a BAD day. An only child, he is VERY bossy and insists everything be done his way, and The Boy will do whatever he says to do- because he thinks this is how to be a good friend. ( remember the social issues thing?) We are working on that.  I truly like this kid and I feel bad because he really doesn't seem to have any other friends- with the exception of my kid anyway.  This makes my heart hurt. I see and hear how he gets picked on- and - at least in my program anyway- it is NEVER allowed.  But I only have these opportunities  for a few hours a week, and believe me - there are times I could just sit down and cry after he gets picked up. Especially when The Boy is with us..it can get wacky.  This friend can be VERY aggressive, and shouts things like "LEAVE ME ALONE I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" when other kids are upsetting him. I have had to stop him from hitting a few times too.  But he truly seems to like The Boy, and the feeling is quite mutual. There have been times when my boy has told him to "Calm Down!"  making me feel pretty damn proud- but also wondering if fostering the friendship will cause The Boy to pick up bad behaviors not previously had- or grown out of. 

I mean, everyone wants their kid to be around, if not typical, then “higher-functioning” kids. But if most of us are somewhere in the middle, there’s always someone “higher” and there’s always someone “lower”.I may be leery of having The Boy  have a  play date with a kid who displays aggressive behaviors,  but trust me, there are plenty of kids that AREN'T lining up for play dates with him.  In the long run- I just want The Boy to have fun and be happy- regardless of the "functioning" abilities of a friend. Now- if that friend hurts my kid, starts setting fires or neighborhood puppies start disappearing- that would be a game changer. 

So today- I dove right in- talked to the mom- invited the friend over for a few hours. Now- just so you have an idea - here we have 2 nine  year old boys- both VERY into dinosaurs and Pokemon.  Both with developmental delays. One with Autism, AD/HD,  and OCD. The other severely AD/HD and suspected EI.  

It all started out great- both excited, both wanting to play different things on different electronic devices, but getting along ok...I mean- they weren't interacting a whole lot, and I was doing my best not to hover or shove them together.  There was chasing of the cat, running up and down the stairs- "normal" stuff. Then the Nerf Guns came into play. Which I was all for- they were playing TOGETHER and not on the Wii/computer/DS/iPad either. But our house is small- and it is unusually mild for January in MI, so I sent them outside. 

Within about 2 minutes of being outside- the friend decided to hit the basement window with the Nerf gun- "to see if it was plastic". It wasn't.  There was a slurry of  "I'm sorry's" and the threat of tears and a meltdown.  I didn't explode- I made sure nobody was hurt, and hubby got all the glass and boarded the window up.   I asked what happened-they told me and ran off.   So now I wonder- should I call mom? He's only been at my house for 30 minutes. I debated for a minute and then I.Let.It.Go.  Let it go! I mean- what the hell was I going to do?    

The rest of the afternoon went fine- excited and loud but fine. Then I started wondering- do I tell his mom? I mean- the kid did break a window- but it was the basement window and can be replaced fairly inexpensively (I hope). This was the first time they have played together outside of school, and it was an accident. Sort of. In the end- I didn't say a damn thing.  Right or wrong- I don't know and don't care. Maybe The Boy will go over to their house and break something. But with my luck it would be the plasma TV.  

 

 

Thankful

I am thankful for many things on a daily basis. I use the month of November (as do so many others) to come up with a daily "Thankful" thing. It really does make one think about all of the things we take for granted. Yes- I am grateful for all of the things I have been posting about- and writing about one each day makes me that much more appreciative. 


I do a similar thing in April with Autism Awareness Month- each day I post a fact, myth or story about Autism. I live with Autism every damn day- but during that one month I attempt to bring others into my world, and create an understanding about Autism for those who don't know. 


So- this month I have been thankful for family, friends, coffee, midol, wine....I mean it really is the little things isn't it? Here is a list of off the beaten path things I can think of to be thankful for. There is no particular order- just written as they came to mind... I would love to hear yours too...

 1)Blogging-Why? Because I'm able to process my thoughts in a different way and to hopefully help and encourage others while also receiving encouragement from everyone who reads my stuff.


2) Autism- How weird is that? But having a child with High Functioning Autism has opened my eyes to a whole world of kids and adults with varying degrees of Autism, and other disorders that I always knew was there, but never really thought about. Now- I am trying desperately to finish my degree in Special Education so I can be a voice for those who don't have one- which is why I advocate loudly for not only my son, but for ALL children.  I have grown, and learned and become a better parent and educator because of my son's Autism. Doesn't seem weird at all,now does it?











3)My kids- this one is pretty self explanatory- my kids are my world- I love them more than I can ever say. 

He is my Cracker Jack

4)My husband- He is funny, smart, frustrating, loving and awesome. He is everything I always wanted and I am constantly wondering why the hell he sticks around with a foul mouth, loud bitch like me... he is an amazing dad and loyal friend- my complaints are truly small- and I am damned lucky to have him.


5) When the kids are fighting-  Another one that makes people raise their eyebrows and snort disbelievingly- but it's true and here is why-   When the kids are screaming at each other, I am  thankful that I have children to love and who love me, and they do get along on occasion. That my autistic son has a voice and CAN argue with his sister is also pretty damn awesome to me...


6) The comfort of being around someone who knows you well- Again- pretty self explanatory- having friends that you can talk about anything with is awesome. I am blessed to have several... 

One group of very good friends 

7) Lazy Sundays


8) Kids laughter


9) Belly laughs

10) Silly jokes

My grandma is the BEST!

11) My family- near and far...I miss my grandma so very much- and I think it is so awesome she is on Facebook so we can keep up with each other!

12) Scented Candles


13) When everyone around me is happy

14) Wine- I love wine- sweet wines are my favorite, but I love a good Chard, or a good Cab... mmmmm...wine


15) Long Weekends


16) Being ridiculously peppy and cheerful most of the time- even when I am not :) 


17) Unexpected generosity


18)  Having grown up enough to NOT say exactly what is on my mind at any given time...

19) When my 13 year old Teenzilla shows wisdom beyond her years


20) My oldest son's amazing artistic talent

My boy's art

Thanksgiving is a very special holiday and  This list is just a minuscule drop in the bucket for me.  It's not about presents, giving or receiving material things.  it is all about family, and friends, those you hold dear. So embrace those around you and your ability to give thanks to those you love.    

If you think Independence Day is America's defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title, hands-down.
Tony Snow

Road Trip!

As promised- here is the next installment in the "One Time In Chicago" series. But I am lazy and tired and unfocused- so the "series" may be just this one blog....

Candy Ass and I getting ready to go!

 So- the original plan was to take the train from Detroit to Chicago. Then shit happened and it turned out that my fellow Mom Who Drinks and Swears Candice  would be flying in and then renting a car and we would just drive there. Saving me some $$$ and giving us time to bond!

And bond we did- the drive from Detroit to Chicago is a little over 4 hours. Not too bad. But- Candice was buying a car- it was in Illinois and we were going to take a slight detour so she could go see and drive it. Cool- we didn't have time constraints- other than just being insanely excited to meet the rest of these  foul mouth, booze, swilling mamas.

Our detour took us off the freeway onto the surface roads- where we saw a terrible car accident, got stuck at a four way stop that apparently threw every single driver into a complete tail spin and then finally to her new car! ( which WAS a Mercedes- drove like a dream and the ass who worked at the dealership sold it out from under her...)

Night vision drunkenness!

The add in an interesting trip through Joliet Illinois- which we couldn't figure out if it was ghetto or nice- so we just settled on Ghetto Fabulous- a stop for night vision goggles and then a very round about trip to the hotel and we had ARRIVED!! 7 HOURS LATER!!! 

Meeting all of these women after having been friends online for over a year was so amazing- words seriously cannot express it. I have never hugged so many people in such a short amount of time It was HEAVEN!!

Oh Nikki you're so fine!

Then off to the rooms for cocktails- and I finally got to meet the crazybeautiful genius that started MWDAS..Mizz Nikki herself! We hugged like long lost sisters -( which is what all of these women have become to me- sisters)

The rest of the weekend is a semi blur of drinking, planking, singing, dancing, swimming and talking talking talking! I have never felt so comfortable with a group of essential strangers- and can't imagine life without them in it now.  

Outback Parking lot Plank!

Pool Table Plank!

Who the fuck are you?!?!

All of these women- together for a whole weekend- and not ONE OUNCE OF DRAMA! NONE!! That is how easy it was. It is truly inexplicable. 

So to my honey badgers- CALM THE FUCK DOWN.  We will see each other next year - count on it! 

Let's Party!

This will be short and sweet as I am taking a break from deep cleaning my filthy house for the family birthday party tomorrow.  Why do I put myself through this?

We are celebrating Tweenzilla and The Boy's birthdays with the family and some friends tomorrow.  I have been cleaning the house- the Mister has been in charge of all the outside stuff. I am exhausted, cranky and starting to feel the "I don't give a shit" attitude coming on. But sadly- I WILL give a shit and then I will be miserable because SOMETHING didn't get done.

I have already had a mini meltdown when I discovered NO DAMN WATER GUNS at the dollar store...when just last week they had boxes and boxes of them. That was my only entertainment...fill the kiddie pool with water and let the kids run around and drench each other. Now that's out and my over taxed mind has no last minute ideas. 

Thankfully I have Cori...my wonderful, beautiful friend and neighbor who has offered to help with anything I need. Borrowing her  shark mop, chairs, tables and coolers...shit- I own NOTHING...



Party trays picked up at noon. Cake to be picked up at 12:30. At some point would like to get some balloons in case we run out of helium.  Pizza is scheduled to be delivered at 1:30 and mom is most likely going to be drunk off her ass by 2:00...the party ends at 4:00. How much do you think it will scar my babies seeing their mom drunk in the middle of the afternoon...and quite possibly passed out in a chair in the shade? 

Oh hell...I was supposed to go pay for those pizzas tonight. Add that to tomorrow's list. And change drunk mom time to noon-ish....

To all the haters- Kiss my ass!

So one of my recent blogs has garnered some attention.  And not very welcome attention at that. I am used to being praised to the heavens so this bitch slapping that I have received has truly humbled me.

That is not to say that I think everyone will agree with me, or like what I have to say- not at all. But the comments in the Must Love Dogs blog have gotten way out of hand. My parenting has been called into question, I have been called vile, disgusting, horrible and stupid. All of which I take with a grain of salt and a tequila shot- but the hateful things some people spew really have me kind of upset. For instance- take MrsBecky:

If you got rid of your first dog because you couldn't handle, why the HELL did you think a puppy would be a good idea? I think you are an awful person, but worse, I think you're as stupid as they come. Next time, before making any decision that affects another LIVING being, please do your research and know what the eff you are doing. You disgust me.

OK- fine- whatever...water off a ducks back. Then we had Sophia Campbell :

I have to say that I am appalled by the way you have treated those poor defenceless animals. And I'm even more appalled that you seem to think that the way you have behaved is acceptable. You left your family pet with a humane society and do not even care about whether or not it's still alive? And you are about to do it again? I am ashamed to belong to the same species as you. I'm almost surprised that you didn't give up your son when it turned out he was autistic, just in case he turned out to be too much work for you! I really hope that when you become old and senile and start shitting yourself that your children dump you in a nursing home. Because they will have learned from you that getting rid of something that has become an inconvience is perfectly ok.\\

 

Whoa! Really lady? You have the balls to come to my blog and equate me not wanting a dog to not wanting my AUTISTIC child?? Bitch- you done fucked up there- do not EVER drag my children into anything or all manners of hell will rain down on your sorry ass. And your deplorable spelling doesn't help either..just sayin.

 And then in my sort of defense, annemercedes said:

Totally inappropriate comment about her child...You might disagree with how she treats dogs...I think its a tough one there, especially for people who love dogs- I get that.But as least she is being honest there.
It has nothing to do with who she is as a mom..That was a cruel and uncalled for comment.Apparently the tentative inability to deal with a child who is " different" poses some kind of question to her..otherwise, why even bring that up?
Dawn, I would not even dignify her with a response...you do not need to defend yourself. 

Now-  this one was kind of back handed- how she treats dogs? Never once did I say I beat them, or hurt them in any way. I despise anyone who can hurt a defenseless animal. The worst I did was flip him off..he was well taken care of- loved Spaghettios and had a nice comfy bed - well pretty much wherever he wanted to lie down. He had toys and treats. He wasn't tied to a stake in the yard and left, he wasn't beaten, he wasn't starved. Just look at the damn picture people!

 

And then Jes Jou Jester also rallied to my side saying:

are you kidding me? the idea that anyone would take this situation and place it ANYWHERE near the way that you care for you children is appalling. they are the disgusting ones. they should be ashamed. dawn, you are a great woman. you relayed a story. when push comes to shove, it is an animal. i LOVE my animals, but they are ANIMALS. period. 

 

Thanks to you guys- and a few more who had decent things to say- it is much appreciated and feels good to know there are people who have my back and had something of an understanding of what I was writing about- even if they disagreed. 

But this bitch takes the cake- I am floored by the hateful venom she spews - and I can be as hateful as the next guy- but this takes it to another level. christya said:  (in her first comment)

Wow, you really are disgusting. Sophie's comments might have been out of line, but that doesn't change the fact that a you are NOT a good person. I don't care how many people crawl out of the woodwork to shout about what a good mother you are. You're not a good mother - you're teaching your children that only their comfort and that of their family matters, that they needn't think about the other creatures in this world if it doesn't suit them. People show their true colours when they deal with people or creatures when there are no consequences to doing wrong. You treat dogs as disposable because you can, and that's just vile. If it wasn't for your poor children, I'd be rooting for your husband to take your ridiculous 'get rid of the dog or take it and go' ultimatum and walk out on you. As it is, I just feel sorry for him

 

#2

f I read your other posts? I did, actually, and there is absolutely nothing there that suggests that you're anything other than a disgusting human being. Your children are fantastic? What, aren't you counting the one you're calling bad for the whole world to see? Have you decided that he just isn't turning out how you want so you don't have to count him? If you think he's so fantastic, how about you stop whining about him to people on the internet. You're a whole new level of vile. Your kids are lucky to have you? No, but sadly for them they'll probably only realize how much you screwed them up when it's too late to stop. You, on the other hand, are so self-obsessed and smug about your nasty little self that you'll probably never see it. Keep looking in that mirror. You might as well stare at the only person you really, truly give a shit about.

Wow.  I just can't believe the nastiness that some people are capable of- especially hiding in the anonymity of the Interwebs.  I mean- this horrible person has no idea who I am, who my family is, or anything. And all this over a damn dog.

Which then calls into question my blog about my oldest kid. That was a pisser to write and even a bigger pisser to publish. But I needed to get it out,  and if my experience can help someone else- or if I can get some help myself  then I accomplished what I set out to do. I love my kid...I just don't like the path he's on right now- and I like it even less that there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

So now I am refusing to look at any comments- fuck the haters as they say. I know who and what I am- and I am proud to be me. I am a good mom, a good wife and a good friend. I can look myself in the mirror every day and know that I am a decent person. Not perfect, I make some HUGE mistakes- but all in all I am happy to be Dawn.  

And just an update to all the assholes- the dog, Jack is about to be adopted into a new (hopefully) forever home. Our friend and neighbor runs the local shelter and has been awesome and amazing in helping to get him placed. Thanks so much - this has made giving him up a little easier on my hubby.

Wine and Friends

As women and mothers we do a lot.(understatement noted)  We take care of the mini versions of ourselves, our spouses our homes and our paying jobs. We take everything on- very rarely ask for help and all too often forget about ourselves in the chaos.

We all have friends, whether they be good friends, casual acquaintances or work related relationships. All serve an important purpose in our lives, some more than others.Friends are  those few precious people who accept us as we are. They never come into our life expecting us to change for them. These friends are sounding boards, drinking buddies, recipe sharers, child caregivers and so much more. .

I am very lucky to have found a group of  amazing women that have been an amazing source of laughter, advice and great wine! I started out as co-workers with 2 of them- and the relationships have grown to now encompass an eclectic group of 6 of us-Kelly, Erin, Angie, Dezirae, Tina and myself.We are not exclusive other friends have joined us on occasion as well. Some of us are married, some are not. Some of us are moms, some are not. We are all in our 30's - and we have a lot in common- but it was our love of wine that brought us together. It started as a one time thing- a party (I believe it was a Pure Romance party hee hee!) and we said we should make this a thing..maybe once a  month- and a tradition was born!

Kelly is our unofficial hostess. She provides the house, the backyard and sometimes the fire, and we all bring a bottle of wine and an appetizer. We have all discovered we love the sweeter wines-Moscato is a group favorite, and Chocovine...mmm chocolate wine..yummy! Appetizers are anything from cheese and crackers to White Castle sliders (yeah, that was me!) to pizza and a lot in between. We have amazing conversations about everything- nothing is off limits with us- but we can also sit in companionable silence. We laugh, cry, bitch and commiserate. It is nothing short of awesome.

These once a  month gatherings are anticipated with an excitement like  Christmas morning . The day of the week varies- We have had Tipsy Tuesday, Wino Wednesday and Thirsty Thursday-but no matter what the day- we come together to share our lives, and our newest wine finds. No husbands, no boyfriends, no cranky family ,no kids, no worries. We can shed the stress that parenting and careers put on us, and put a lighter spin on what is driving us nuts! (i.e. kids, spouse/significant others, jobs, life in general) It is not just a girls night out- it is a cathartic event that enables me to  appreciate the importance of stepping out of my mom and wife role for a little while- and being able to step right back in with an improved attitude.

We all need that break- for some it might be a wine night, for others maybe a book club- whatever the reason, friends and time away from the nagging responsibilities of everyday life is a must. It is imperative to keep us from ending up on an episode of Snapped! 

These women, my friends, are my saving grace- I love them unconditionally- it is true "From wine what sudden friendship springs!"