Saturday, February 18, 2012

Welcome to The Pity Party- BYOB

So welcome to my pity party. Pull up a chair. No invite necessary, but you have to BYOB- bring yer own bitching AND bring yer own booze.

If you don't believe in pity parties, feeling sorry for yourself etc. well bully for you. Go spout some motivational catch phrases elsewhere and let me wallow.  I am only  human and I feel the need to rage against the universe and bitch for a bit.  If this isn't for you- then move along- I really won't be offended.  I'll just drink more wine. Well, actually coffee that I desperately wish was spiked with Baileys. 

So let's look at the list of reasons I am throwing this shindig today

1) My husband took a second job that requires him to work all fucking weekend. This was a CHOICE mind you- supposedly going to help finances. While I have yet to reap the benefits of this, I have certainly become a lot more irritated. Even when I put aside being a bitch for a minute and see that he doesn't really want to do it either- it seems to be a losing situation all around- so don't do it..mkay?  But if I say that to him, then I am Queen Selfish Bitch, and I play that role all to often.  But right now I am feeling very disconnected from my marriage and my husband and I am not sure if a couple hundred bucks extra a month is worth it. 

2)My job is now going to require me to stay until 6:00 every night since someone quit. Normally this wouldn't be an issue- because the mister would come pick The Boy up and Teenzilla wouldn't be alone for so long in the afternoons and dinner would be served at a decent hour.  But since he will be working 2 nights a week - The Boy stays with me, dinner will be late (anything past 6:00 is late for me- especially on a school night)

3)I missed out on any kind of Valentines Day. Yup- hubby was working. I don't want much, I mean I did get some cool cookie sheets which I asked for, but I was kind of hoping to at least get taken out to dinner...but because of this job sitch- that ain't happening. 

4) I have been on this insane creative cooking spree- wanting to try new things, new ingredients and all that. The Boy eats NOTHING. So, to make sure his scrawny ass gets something to eat, I cook separate dinners- something I swore I would never do again after the oldest was spoiled my his nana in the exact  same way. Took forever to break him!  But it is what it is, and I just hope with age and continued effort on my part- he will eventually start at least tolerating something new on his plate.

5) I have applied for 62 scholarships in the last 3 months. I also applied for my FAFSA. No word on any of the scholarships yet, FAFSA said I qualify for up to 10K in loans that the University of my choice would apprise me of.  I see so many friends finishing college and I am happy for them, yet jealous as well. And I hate for my happiness for my friends to be tainted with petty jealousy.   I am feeling my almost 39 years and am starting to think I am just too fucking old for this shit.

So there it is- my bullshit white people problems all laid out for people to mock or judge. I needed this today- writing is a supremely cathartic exercise- and while I am still boo-hooing in my coffee (which I  still wish was spiked with Bailey's) I am gonna go shower and make the most of the day that is left I guess.  I can suppress the pessimistic, whiny bitch  and let the optimist thrive. Then I will put on my flowing hippie dress and dance in a meadow...oops..that broody bitch just keeps getting out. Sorry I am not sorry. 

*The bright spot in all this gray? In 5 days I am going to get to see some amazing friends. Candice, Nikki, Danielle, and Rene- I can't WAIT for our weekend of debauchery. You really have no idea!