Mother's Day...Get it together family!

Mother's Day. A day to honor the person who gave you life, the person who knows where everything is all of the time, the person who selflessly gives up so many things to make sure her family is happy, safe and feels loved. But flip that coin, and you can get a bitchy side. And I fully embrace my ungrateful, whiny, bitchy side when it comes to this day. For years, I smiled and gushed about how I loved the homemade gifts and home burnt, I mean, cooked breakfasts. I truly cherished any effort made to make this one day a year special. But as my kiddos have gotten older, I have noticed there is no thought, no pizzazz, no EFFORT in doing something special for me on MY day.

I am my family's EVERYTHING- as most mom's are. I am the cook, maid, chauffeur, doctor, lawyer, teacher, warden, confidant, laundress, advocate and cheerleader. I go to every meeting, school function, concert, play, you name it, I do it. I know right where that shirt you NEED is, and I will stay up late to wash it too. I do all of these things and so many more, and I do it because I love them with every fiber in my body, they are my sun and my moon, forever.


They know what I want on this ONE day to honor me. I like quiet. No video games or sports (unless I choose one of them) playing on the TV. No laundry or cleaning. No fighting among kids. Maybe take me out to breakfast or brunch. Or let me stay in bed all day if I choose with NO INTERRUPTIONS. Make me a mimosa. Or three. A day trip to the spa- now you're talking. But I most definitely do not want:


1)A burnt, partially cold breakfast in bed. First you woke me up. Second, you made a huge mess. Third- I don't like eating in bed. The flower/weed from the yard does not pretty up this disaster. So thanks, but no thanks.


2) Asking me the day before what I want. If you haven't at least THOUGHT about Mother's Day prior to the day before- just forget it.


3) Anything that implies household chores. Vacuums, pots and pans, a 50's style apron. Nope, nope and nope. Save that shit for birthday and Christmas.


4) Jewelry. Yeah- you heard me. I wear my wedding ring, occasionally earrings if I can find a matched pair. But I don't need or want anything else. Now- get my wedding ring cleaned- that would be appreciated.






I would enjoy a day of chillin with the kids- binge watching something on Netflix, taking random naps- and not being responsible for anyone's meals, laundry, or have to play referee. Don't ask what needs to be done- just do it. Don't make snippy remarks to antagonize someone, and don't be sarcastic with The Boy who doesn't get it anyway, and ends up in meltdown mode. Don't ask me where ANYTHING is (unless it is my empty wine glass- I will be happy to point you in that direction) and don't begrudge me MY day. I love you all, and am grateful to have such a beautiful,wonderful family. Me getting a day "off" won't change any of that.

And please- don't forget- this is my 12th Mother's Day without my own mom. I miss her every day. This day is one of the hardest. I might be kind of weepy. Don't ask questions, and don't make a big deal of it if I burst into tears and run upstairs. It will pass. Just have another glass of wine waiting when I return- and everything will be just fine.

Happy Not Mother's...I mean Father's Day!

This weekend is Father's Day- and like many dutiful wives- I plan on letting my husband sleep in, will cook his favorite dinner and keep the kiddos as quiet as possible (I'm thinking movie day for us). What I will not do? Mow the lawn for him- since the ONE time I did he complained I did it "wrong" so he gets that honor all to himself.

 I NEVER know what to get him- usually his wishes are beyond our financial capabilities. I ALWAYS ask for peace and quiet, to be taken out to breakfast and to not have to cook or clean. If I get some actual gifts- well that is a bonus!

He doesn't do the "traditional" dad things- golfing, fishing, etc. so there goes my idea for cheap greens fees or an all inclusive fishing expedition from Groupon. I REALLY want to get him a new grill- even though he protests and says he doesn't need one (I beg to differ).  He has said something about a tow package for his Jeep- but I am severely impaired when it comes to his Jeep- and after looking online I have NO CLUE as to which one he would need...

I wish

Cool, huh?

What he did ask for was a bonfire on Saturday night with "The Boys"- complete with too much booze, long involved conversations about The Avengers, Star Wars and when he is going to make another movie. I am all for it- but don't necessarily look forward to nursing his hangover on Father's Day- but if that is what he wants, well, who am I to protest?

He was very good to me on Mother's Day- I got several things I had asked for but didn't expect to get. Now granted- we had tax return money then, and now we are really tightening the budget with me not working this summer- but I really want to get him something. I LOVE to give presents (he will say I love to spend money which isn't true...anymore!) and I love to see the look on my sweeties face when I get him something totally awesome and not expected.

Always a winner

So what's it gonna be? Crazy sex? Favorite dessert? (can be combined with crazy sex- so it's a two-fer!)  A pony? Beer of the month subscription?  A Stormtrooper helmet with voice changer?      I'm stumped. Pretty shameful after 15 years of marriage. *Le Sigh*

If I want to be TOTALLY unexpected

Thankful

I am thankful for many things on a daily basis. I use the month of November (as do so many others) to come up with a daily "Thankful" thing. It really does make one think about all of the things we take for granted. Yes- I am grateful for all of the things I have been posting about- and writing about one each day makes me that much more appreciative. 


I do a similar thing in April with Autism Awareness Month- each day I post a fact, myth or story about Autism. I live with Autism every damn day- but during that one month I attempt to bring others into my world, and create an understanding about Autism for those who don't know. 


So- this month I have been thankful for family, friends, coffee, midol, wine....I mean it really is the little things isn't it? Here is a list of off the beaten path things I can think of to be thankful for. There is no particular order- just written as they came to mind... I would love to hear yours too...

 1)Blogging-Why? Because I'm able to process my thoughts in a different way and to hopefully help and encourage others while also receiving encouragement from everyone who reads my stuff.


2) Autism- How weird is that? But having a child with High Functioning Autism has opened my eyes to a whole world of kids and adults with varying degrees of Autism, and other disorders that I always knew was there, but never really thought about. Now- I am trying desperately to finish my degree in Special Education so I can be a voice for those who don't have one- which is why I advocate loudly for not only my son, but for ALL children.  I have grown, and learned and become a better parent and educator because of my son's Autism. Doesn't seem weird at all,now does it?











3)My kids- this one is pretty self explanatory- my kids are my world- I love them more than I can ever say. 

He is my Cracker Jack

4)My husband- He is funny, smart, frustrating, loving and awesome. He is everything I always wanted and I am constantly wondering why the hell he sticks around with a foul mouth, loud bitch like me... he is an amazing dad and loyal friend- my complaints are truly small- and I am damned lucky to have him.


5) When the kids are fighting-  Another one that makes people raise their eyebrows and snort disbelievingly- but it's true and here is why-   When the kids are screaming at each other, I am  thankful that I have children to love and who love me, and they do get along on occasion. That my autistic son has a voice and CAN argue with his sister is also pretty damn awesome to me...


6) The comfort of being around someone who knows you well- Again- pretty self explanatory- having friends that you can talk about anything with is awesome. I am blessed to have several... 

One group of very good friends 

7) Lazy Sundays


8) Kids laughter


9) Belly laughs

10) Silly jokes

My grandma is the BEST!

11) My family- near and far...I miss my grandma so very much- and I think it is so awesome she is on Facebook so we can keep up with each other!

12) Scented Candles


13) When everyone around me is happy

14) Wine- I love wine- sweet wines are my favorite, but I love a good Chard, or a good Cab... mmmmm...wine


15) Long Weekends


16) Being ridiculously peppy and cheerful most of the time- even when I am not :) 


17) Unexpected generosity


18)  Having grown up enough to NOT say exactly what is on my mind at any given time...

19) When my 13 year old Teenzilla shows wisdom beyond her years


20) My oldest son's amazing artistic talent

My boy's art

Thanksgiving is a very special holiday and  This list is just a minuscule drop in the bucket for me.  It's not about presents, giving or receiving material things.  it is all about family, and friends, those you hold dear. So embrace those around you and your ability to give thanks to those you love.    

If you think Independence Day is America's defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title, hands-down.
Tony Snow

Til Death Do Us Part?

A general definition of marriage is that it is a social contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically and emotionally.  I find it funny that in this day and age the definition of marriage has changed to encompass “traditional” (man and woman) and “non traditional” (man-man, woman-woman) and there is actually a Federal Marriage Act defining what is a legally binding union.  Whatever happened to 2 people meet, fall in love and decide to spend the rest of their lives together- united under God or whatever spiritual being guides your life? 

It sounds deceptively simple- but taking two individuals- who more than likely share common interests, but still have their own sense of self- put them together and all will be happiness and unicorns right? Wrong. Oh- for awhile- it is like that-the honeymoon phase- and how long that lasts is utterly dependent on the couple, their socio-economic status, temperaments, and all of the outside influences that surround them.  Add to that mix each person’s insecurities, fears, dreams, wants, needs, stress levels, careers and financial condition and you can have a recipe for disaster or you are precariously picking your way through a minefield , never really knowing what might trigger an explosion.

All marriages are different of course- as different as we all as human beings are. No marriage truly fits a mold, although many couples put on an impressive façade to try to convince others that they are “The Perfect Couple”.  My mom used to call it “not airing our dirty laundry” something that in the age of Facebook, Twitter and all forms of social media is not only commonplace but thrived on by those who live for other’s pain. I am as guilty as anyone- I have “aired my dirty laundry” on more than one occasion. I have since learned to be more discreet but sometimes, in a fit of anger my Facebook status might reveal a little too much information- and that doesn’t sit well with MY spouse.  

No marriage is fail proof. The harder a couple works at a marriage- the more stable and everlasting it can be for sure- but what happens if you stop loving somebody?  Or they stop loving you? Or sickness makes a spouse resentful, or the stress of parenting is more than one spouse can handle, especially if we are talking special needs children. These are just a handful of examples of why marriages end- not even really scratching the surface.

But then there are the marriages that you hear about lasting 30,40,50+ years. Having been married for 13 years I can’t even fathom that amount of time- but I see it- in my spouses parents and grandparents and it amazes me, and makes me both hopeful and worried. I am not even close to the same person I was 13 years ago, mostly for the better- and raising an autistic child has surely put a shitload of stress on my marriage. That combined with many moves, loss of my mom, and a feeling of not reaching my full potential (yet) has stretched my marriage to its limits- or what I thought was its limits. I have been shocked at what the heart and soul can endure in the name of love.

Sometimes it takes more than one marriage to find the right fit- sometimes a marriage gone bad scares (and scars) a person for life. Marriage is not even a consideration for a lot of people. Whatever category you might fall in- one of these or one of the myriad of others I wish you well. It’s a scary, long, bumpy, rewarding, frightening, painful joyful road. And after having traveled it for this long- I think I will keep going .I’m curious as to what lies around the next corner.