|So young, so tan, so thin|
(I am combining what really should have been 2 blogs- I am lazy like that)
Yesterday was our official anniversary. 14 years of wedded bliss! We both spent it working, then hubby went sailing (at my insistence- he hasn't gone in 2 weeks) and I didn't get home until after 8:00 because of a staff meeting. Hubby got violently ill on the boat because of the ridiculously oppressive heat and came home feeling punky. I was exhausted on the couch and we went to bed fairly early. We already celebrated over the weekend by shipping the kiddos off to Grandma. We didn't have any big plans, mostly because as usual, we are broke. But we had a KID FREE WEEKEND and that in itself is priceless. We had the house to ourselves, and believe me- we made the most of it! Sleeping in, of course- what did you think you dirty minded pervert? ( whatever it was- you were probably right!)
14 years is a BIG DEAL. To say we have had our ups and downs is an understatement of epic proportions. Our marriage has survived 2 moves across country, job and school changes, financial crisis, school troubles with the oldest boy, legal troubles with the oldest boy, losing a car, my mom passing away, an unexpected pregnancy, Autism, infidelity, uncertainty, distrust, the list goes on and on. But it has SURVIVED...and we are stronger, better people who have done whatever it takes to make it so. I love my husband with all of my heart and soul- and even though our marriage has been shaken to it's foundation- I didn't give up. I got angry- I yelled (a lot) and cried (a lot) and threatened (a lot)- but NEVER once did I give up. Husband guy- well, he almost lost his way. My knight in a flannel shirt, the strongest guy I know, my rock- damn near broke under the stresses our marriage put on us- but luckily..he found his way back and now we are unstoppable! (I hope)
|Happy Birthday cupcake at 7:00 A.M. Delish!|
Children have changed how I think, changed how I act (and react) but the smallish boy has had the most profound effects. Diagnosed with Autism at age 3.5- he was always a little different than the other two. It is a constant balancing act to make sure ALL of our kids are getting what they need from us. Having a child with Autism unfortunately puts the others on the back burner more times than I care to admit.
I can't help but think of birthdays past where singing and candle blowing completely tipped him over. Or his first "real" party that was not anything I had imagined it being. Not a complete failure- but close. His complete indifference and subsequent meltdowns at birthday festivities in the past bothered me more than perhaps it should have. I am a BIG celebrator of the kiddos special days....I want the decorations to be bright, the cake to be perfect, the presents to be amazing. So his meltdowns because of the too bright, too loud, too much hurt my feelings, and then made me feel guilty. I am the Queen of Mama Guilt.
I am not dwelling on the negative- I am reveling at the positive. He is amazing. He has come so far. He is beautiful, smart and wants so badly to make friends. He has made me more patient and understanding . He awoke the sleeping researcher in me and I found my calling- to work with special needs kids.
All of my kids have brought out a new, positive aspects in me that I might never have found without them. The smallish boy showed me strength and perseverance I NEVER thought I had. All of my kids have taught me humility, moderation, and balance. They have made me laugh, cry and scream. They have destroyed a lot of brain cells. But I wouldn't trade any of it- for anything.
Luckily I have my hubby- who is still my rock- who still calms me and has enough brain cells for the both of us.... Someday the kiddos will move out for good honey. Then we can "sleep in" all we want!
I love you Husband Guy- we made it to 14 years - now -To Infinity and Beyond! ( Do you still wish I would have let you say that in your vows?)