We Should All Live By Dr.Seuss Quotes

Who can't quote a least ONE Dr.Seuss story quote? These are the books that a good majority of us learned to read from. As kids- the lessons were most likely lost on us- but hopefully as grown ups and parents we can hear or see them and smile and nod to ourselves as the full meaning sinks in. 

My very very favorite!

So- this is essentially a very lazy blog- but I LOVE me some Theodore Geisel.  How many of these quotes can be applied to a kid on the spectrum?  His wonderful quotes, lessons hidden (and not so hidden) in his stories were and are a part of my life and have been a part of all my kid's as well. I hope they will be as big of an influence on future generations. 

Welcome to The Pity Party- BYOB

So welcome to my pity party. Pull up a chair. No invite necessary, but you have to BYOB- bring yer own bitching AND bring yer own booze.

If you don't believe in pity parties, feeling sorry for yourself etc. well bully for you. Go spout some motivational catch phrases elsewhere and let me wallow.  I am only  human and I feel the need to rage against the universe and bitch for a bit.  If this isn't for you- then move along- I really won't be offended.  I'll just drink more wine. Well, actually coffee that I desperately wish was spiked with Baileys. 

So let's look at the list of reasons I am throwing this shindig today

1) My husband took a second job that requires him to work all fucking weekend. This was a CHOICE mind you- supposedly going to help finances. While I have yet to reap the benefits of this, I have certainly become a lot more irritated. Even when I put aside being a bitch for a minute and see that he doesn't really want to do it either- it seems to be a losing situation all around- so don't do it..mkay?  But if I say that to him, then I am Queen Selfish Bitch, and I play that role all to often.  But right now I am feeling very disconnected from my marriage and my husband and I am not sure if a couple hundred bucks extra a month is worth it. 

2)My job is now going to require me to stay until 6:00 every night since someone quit. Normally this wouldn't be an issue- because the mister would come pick The Boy up and Teenzilla wouldn't be alone for so long in the afternoons and dinner would be served at a decent hour.  But since he will be working 2 nights a week - The Boy stays with me, dinner will be late (anything past 6:00 is late for me- especially on a school night)

3)I missed out on any kind of Valentines Day. Yup- hubby was working. I don't want much, I mean I did get some cool cookie sheets which I asked for, but I was kind of hoping to at least get taken out to dinner...but because of this job sitch- that ain't happening. 

4) I have been on this insane creative cooking spree- wanting to try new things, new ingredients and all that. The Boy eats NOTHING. So, to make sure his scrawny ass gets something to eat, I cook separate dinners- something I swore I would never do again after the oldest was spoiled my his nana in the exact  same way. Took forever to break him!  But it is what it is, and I just hope with age and continued effort on my part- he will eventually start at least tolerating something new on his plate.

5) I have applied for 62 scholarships in the last 3 months. I also applied for my FAFSA. No word on any of the scholarships yet, FAFSA said I qualify for up to 10K in loans that the University of my choice would apprise me of.  I see so many friends finishing college and I am happy for them, yet jealous as well. And I hate for my happiness for my friends to be tainted with petty jealousy.   I am feeling my almost 39 years and am starting to think I am just too fucking old for this shit.

So there it is- my bullshit white people problems all laid out for people to mock or judge. I needed this today- writing is a supremely cathartic exercise- and while I am still boo-hooing in my coffee (which I  still wish was spiked with Bailey's) I am gonna go shower and make the most of the day that is left I guess.  I can suppress the pessimistic, whiny bitch  and let the optimist thrive. Then I will put on my flowing hippie dress and dance in a meadow...oops..that broody bitch just keeps getting out. Sorry I am not sorry. 

*The bright spot in all this gray? In 5 days I am going to get to see some amazing friends. Candice, Nikki, Danielle, and Rene- I can't WAIT for our weekend of debauchery. You really have no idea!

How will a $3,000 scholarship for education make a difference in my life?

If you read my blog you know I have been trying to finish my Special Education degree for a number of years now.  Work, kids, life and autism have always managed to get in my way. That and MONEY!! That's what it really all boils down to- the all mighty dollar!!!  And like most people- I never have any extra- and if by some crazy miracle I do- it most likely goes on my kids' backs, and wouldn't be enough to even buy a textbook. (Did you know you can RENT those now??)


3 years ago, I got a scholarship. It would allow me to take at least two classes a semester for a year. I unfortunately- in my giddy excitement ( I ADORE being a student) I didn't read that it was for Winter, Fall, Winter, Fall. No Spring/Summer. So- I took a spring/summer class, only to be very upset when I realized my mistake. I contacted the college and asked if there was ANY way I could substitute that Spring/Summer semester for the last Winter one. No. I couldn't. I still don't understand why- probably a punishment for being an idiot.

So- now I am into the college for almost 2K and it is the LAST bill I think to pay- what with keeping my lights on, food in the house and my mortgage paid- that seems like small potatoes. But I am desperately unhappy in my current job. I LOVE what I do- but I want my own class! I want to be helping kids just like The Boy- I want to be making a difference doing what I LOVE. So now the scholarship hunt begins.
(Don't even ask about FAFSA- been down that road- DENIED)

With a gazillion sites out there Broke Scholar,Scholarships.com,Education Connection,  and of course offerings from my university of choice (Wayne State- go Warriors!), each promising thousands of dollars to get an education, it's not HARD to apply. It just takes hours, days, weeks of sifting through, writing essays, (hence the title of this blog) and meeting deadlines.

I have applied for and wrote several  "short answer" essays- and when I read them I think- why WOULDN'T someone give me this scholarship? And then I remember- ohhhhh....because I am competing with all of the millions of 18-20 year old's just beginning their college careers, the millions of people retraining for a new career after losing their jobs in our shitty economy. But then- I try to look at the bright side- I want to be a SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHER!! With an Autistic Spectrum Disorder endorsement. I know that so many schools need GOOD special ed teachers, I know I could find a job- especially with the endorsement.  So dammit- give me some MONEY!!

Then my neighbor asks me- do you ever wonder if it is worth it to finish your degree at this age- when someone 15 -20 years younger than me might be considered first. And I said NO- of course not! Because along with an education from a school of higher learning, I have many years of PRACTICAL experience that put me way ahead of some fresh faced young thing- that has no idea that walking into a special needs environment  means kids that don't speak, kids who can't control their bodies, kids who have violent outbursts, kids who need to have diapers changed, kids on the spectrum, kids with ADHD, kids that hit, kick, spit and cry.  Parents who look to you for guidance, support and help. Cuts in funding for already struggling programs, Grant writing (aka begging for money) and making do with what you have. A physical, and mentally challenging career that takes a special person to do, and do well.

You may ask- WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THIS? Simple- because I love kids- all shapes, sizes and colors. And since beginning this journey with Autism- I have had an opportunity to meet so many different kids, with different issues, and they need someone like ME! I am vocal, I am tireless when it comes to advocating. I believe EVERY child can learn. What they NEED to learn and WHEN they need it.

This is why I need a paltry $3000. This is how a scholarship would make a difference in my life- so I could FINALLY  start to finish my education and  make a difference in  so many other's lives. So what if I am  starting at 40 years old? I have A LOT to give, A LOT of years to go.

So c'mon- show me the $$$$.  Pretty please??

It's a blog- not an open invitation to tell me how effed up I am

There are a bajillion blogs out there. There are blogs about kids, booze, food, technology, families....the list goes on and on and on and on ad infinitum. I personally read several blogs religiously. Moms Who Drink and Swear,  Dad v. Autism  ( my hubby ♥), Life With Penis People, Mary Tyler Mom, Counting Caballeros, Shit Your Mother Never Told You, Apples and Autobots, Little White Lion, ....are just a VERY small sampling of what I personally read. I keep up on the autism blogs, of which there are many, and mine of course is a hodge podge of autism, parenting, friends, daily life, blah, blah, blah.  Hell, I even wrote about wishing I had done more Kegels for shit's sake....

I may not agree with every single thing I read - even on my favorites- but I do not make it my personal mission to send anybody a private message telling them how fucked up they are, to decry their character or morals, or to just spew hate.   And I really do NOT get people that do.  Bloggers are opening themselves up, creating stuff that matters to them- and hoping it will matter to others as well. Whether it's political, whimsical, informative or funny, it is ALL a matter of opinion- and that leaves us vulnerable. We hope to inspire, but we also open ourselves up to criticism, both constructive and unfortunately destructive. 

I am not holding a gun to YOUR head right now. I am not forcing you to read this. You CHOSE to read my somewhat intelligible rantings. My writing is not filled with subliminal messages {{{read this blog or else you will break out in boils and develop syphilis}}  forcing the average person to read.  And while I welcome feedback, similar stories, and disagreement (done in an intelligent manner) I will not give credence to sad people who think they have to say horrible awful things to build themselves up.  

For instance- in my blog Must love dogs. Well Screw That! I wrote about our misfortunes with owning dogs. I received so many venomous, hate filled nasty comments- it just blew me away. I laughed a lot of it off- each to his own right? But people were actually calling my parenting skills into question- really? Don't even go there! Here is one example:

I have to say that I am appalled by the way you have treated those poor defenceless animals. And I'm even more appalled that you seem to think that the way you have behaved is acceptable. You left your family pet with a humane society and do not even care about whether or not it's still alive? And you are about to do it again? I am ashamed to belong to the same species as you. I'm almost surprised that you didn't give up your son when it turned out he was autistic, just in case he turned out to be too much work for you! I really hope that when you become old and senile and start shitting yourself that your children dump you in a nursing home. Because they will have learned from you that getting rid of something that has become an inconvience is perfectly ok.

This one really pissed me off. But then- I took a deep breath and decided it was absolutely pointless and ridiculous to get pissed off, much less argue with someone like this ( even though I DID have some choice things to say!)  This person had an opinion- and even though they were unable to present their opinion in a matter that didn't try to bring me down, it was still their OPINION...and unfortunately, any asshole can have one of those. 

When out perusing the blogosphere- remember that a million different personalities have millions upon millions of opinions and write about them.NOBODY  is forcing anyone to read or agree with ANYTHING.  You may not like or agree with them all. But it is not license to be nasty, bitchy, hateful or even threatening to the writer.  Haters: Try writing your own blog- put yourself out there and see what happens.  

So the moral of the story is- read my blog, have an opinion, share a comment, similar story, helpful advice or even criticism- I can take it! Just remember- I am putting myself out there- both for my own enjoyment and because I hope that something I say may resonate with someone else and dare I say help someone out. But more than that- I may be the one getting help or advice. I am an autism mom - I can use all the help I can get.

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I HATE EVERYTHING

Army ain't got NOTHIN on me

OK- so the title may be a tad misleading.... I love my kids and husband. But....... I HATE getting up at 4 A.M. I HATE doing  more work in the 2 hours before I actually get to work  than most people do all day. (Yes I AM the fucking Army) and I HATE rushrushRUSHING to get home- get kids ready for football and cheer ESPECIALLY now that school has started. GAHHHHHHHH!!!! And we haven't even started with homework yet!

I LOVE that the boy has had 2 amazing days in his new class, and that his teacher is so awesome. But I HATE that I am stressing out about when he gets home, when the homework starts and if all of this is just going to prove to be too much for him.

I HATE that I leave before I even get to see my kids and they are home before me too.  I HATE that I love my job but have no desire to go anymore- what was (is dammit IS!) my life's passion is rapidly turning into a drudgery and a huge inconvenience and a major source of stress that I cannot avoid. At least not if I like living in a house and eating on occasion.

I HATE that I have an opportunity to work closer , hell, pretty much on top of home, but it would mean a DRASTIC pay cut that we cannot afford right now.Actually ever. I HATE that I have cut every corner (on paper anyway) and still can't find a way to make it work- me switching jobs that is. And I HATE that I am rapidly starting to not GIVE A SHIT.  I will go without wine (cue the GASP)  I will go without expensive lunchmeat and cheese, I will make this old bra last a few more months, I will buy cheaper makeup, I will shop exclusively at Aldi's ( have quarter, will shop!)  we will not eat any more fast food, I will be saving about $110 a month in gas so that would help...right? But most of all - I will be more relaxed ( well- define RELAXED first).

I will be close to both Teenzilla and the Boy. I will remember to look on the school website for the right time for parent night at school, I will pack healthier lunches, I will be able to be a room mom, or hell, just be a part of the elementary experience- like I was with Teenzilla. And in my opinion it is even MORE important I am there as much as I can be- I mean autism and mainstream  4th grade- I want to be a part of that.  I NEED to be a part of it.

The mister says things like- "Well, we need to eat and pay bills" well DOY...it's not like I don't know this but what price is my sanity worth? What price is our children's education and my involvement worth? Perhaps if I had been more a part of my oldest's elementary school career his life wouldn't have taken such a terrible turn.

So now you see why, at this very moment.. I HATE EVERYTHING!!

I.Am.Going.To. SNAP