How will a $3,000 scholarship for education make a difference in my life?

If you read my blog you know I have been trying to finish my Special Education degree for a number of years now.  Work, kids, life and autism have always managed to get in my way. That and MONEY!! That's what it really all boils down to- the all mighty dollar!!!  And like most people- I never have any extra- and if by some crazy miracle I do- it most likely goes on my kids' backs, and wouldn't be enough to even buy a textbook. (Did you know you can RENT those now??)


3 years ago, I got a scholarship. It would allow me to take at least two classes a semester for a year. I unfortunately- in my giddy excitement ( I ADORE being a student) I didn't read that it was for Winter, Fall, Winter, Fall. No Spring/Summer. So- I took a spring/summer class, only to be very upset when I realized my mistake. I contacted the college and asked if there was ANY way I could substitute that Spring/Summer semester for the last Winter one. No. I couldn't. I still don't understand why- probably a punishment for being an idiot.

So- now I am into the college for almost 2K and it is the LAST bill I think to pay- what with keeping my lights on, food in the house and my mortgage paid- that seems like small potatoes. But I am desperately unhappy in my current job. I LOVE what I do- but I want my own class! I want to be helping kids just like The Boy- I want to be making a difference doing what I LOVE. So now the scholarship hunt begins.
(Don't even ask about FAFSA- been down that road- DENIED)

With a gazillion sites out there Broke Scholar,Scholarships.com,Education Connection,  and of course offerings from my university of choice (Wayne State- go Warriors!), each promising thousands of dollars to get an education, it's not HARD to apply. It just takes hours, days, weeks of sifting through, writing essays, (hence the title of this blog) and meeting deadlines.

I have applied for and wrote several  "short answer" essays- and when I read them I think- why WOULDN'T someone give me this scholarship? And then I remember- ohhhhh....because I am competing with all of the millions of 18-20 year old's just beginning their college careers, the millions of people retraining for a new career after losing their jobs in our shitty economy. But then- I try to look at the bright side- I want to be a SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHER!! With an Autistic Spectrum Disorder endorsement. I know that so many schools need GOOD special ed teachers, I know I could find a job- especially with the endorsement.  So dammit- give me some MONEY!!

Then my neighbor asks me- do you ever wonder if it is worth it to finish your degree at this age- when someone 15 -20 years younger than me might be considered first. And I said NO- of course not! Because along with an education from a school of higher learning, I have many years of PRACTICAL experience that put me way ahead of some fresh faced young thing- that has no idea that walking into a special needs environment  means kids that don't speak, kids who can't control their bodies, kids who have violent outbursts, kids who need to have diapers changed, kids on the spectrum, kids with ADHD, kids that hit, kick, spit and cry.  Parents who look to you for guidance, support and help. Cuts in funding for already struggling programs, Grant writing (aka begging for money) and making do with what you have. A physical, and mentally challenging career that takes a special person to do, and do well.

You may ask- WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THIS? Simple- because I love kids- all shapes, sizes and colors. And since beginning this journey with Autism- I have had an opportunity to meet so many different kids, with different issues, and they need someone like ME! I am vocal, I am tireless when it comes to advocating. I believe EVERY child can learn. What they NEED to learn and WHEN they need it.

This is why I need a paltry $3000. This is how a scholarship would make a difference in my life- so I could FINALLY  start to finish my education and  make a difference in  so many other's lives. So what if I am  starting at 40 years old? I have A LOT to give, A LOT of years to go.

So c'mon- show me the $$$$.  Pretty please??

He said - She said ( but she was right!)

Today I will feature  my first guest blogger- the one and only, Dad v Autism. OK, OK....I am pretty partial to him- I do sleep with him every night ( and I do mean SLEEP- just ask him!) but he truly is an amazing writer, a terrific, hands on dad and an amazing person.  Enjoy!

Dad v. The Differences

I am very honored that my wife, the Cheerleader, has asked me to write something for her blog.  She is much smarter than me and looks a thousand times better in a bathing suit than I ever will.  She is an incredible advocate for Noah and she’s an awesome mom in general…and I happen to be pretty attracted to her too.

And, don’t tell her I said this, but as much as people think I’m kind of a smart guy…she’s smarter than I am.  She won’t admit it…but that’s just another aspect of why she’s smarter than me.

I’m not a good mom…and it’s not just plumbing differences.  It’s all about the differences in attitudes that we have.  It’s about the differences of what I see and what she sees.  I think it’s a fundamental difference between a large percentage of men and women.

She thinks about the children.  I think about the family. It sounds the same, but it is fundamentally different. 

The difference is in big picture vs the reality of the now.  It’s about dealing with the individuals in our family vs the family unit as a whole.  It’s long term vs short term too.  She worries about the children’s needs as individuals more than I do.  I worry about the needs of the family moving forward more than she does.  She is more empathic and I am more analytical.

The children run to her when they are hurt or upset, because she is more comforting, more understanding…most of the time they are running to her because of something I said…

I can look at a set of numbers and plan out the next twenty years of our life…she can look at those same numbers and ask, “But what about food?  Do you plan on having Christmas this year?”

Sometimes I think her views are short sighted.  She thinks my views are impractical because they do not deal adequately with the problems of today.

There are pros and cons to both of our views and neither view is more valid or important than the other.  In point of fact, both views are complimentary to each other.  They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

In respect to money, we have tried my way and it has turned out to be an abject failure.  When we tried it her way, things weren’t a whole lot better.

Now we need to try it OUR way.  We need to collaborate with each other.  We need to compliment each other’s strengths and hide our weaknesses.  We need extol each other’s accomplishments and achievements and we need to comfort each other when we make mistakes.

I know we can do this.  Why?  Because we’ve raised our kids and we’re proud of them…and money doesn’t talk back nearly as much as they do.

Debt is a plague in this country.  It is a soul devouring juggernaut that the media pushes on the public with unrelenting zeal.  We are constantly told that we NEED a new car, 90 days is the same as cash, and the world can be yours with zero money down.

The truth is you don’t NEED the new car, 90 days is NOT the same as cash and the only thing zero down gets you is a world of debt, pain and suffering.

The Cheerleader and I are going to get out of this together.  We are going to compliment each other’s strengths and cover for each other’s weaknesses.  We are a team through thick and thin and, the way things have been going lately, even more thin…hopefully someday soon we can get back to the “thick.”

And you can too.  How do I know this?  Because most of my readers are parents just like the Cheerleader and I and there’s nothing in the world that brings them more pride than their children.  Why?  Because we’ve done a damn good job raising them and they are so much more trouble than money…

I thought I would look better in her costume- glad I went with the Doctor

So good luck to you…and if you’ve got a sec, wish us good luck too.

I HATE EVERYTHING

Army ain't got NOTHIN on me

OK- so the title may be a tad misleading.... I love my kids and husband. But....... I HATE getting up at 4 A.M. I HATE doing  more work in the 2 hours before I actually get to work  than most people do all day. (Yes I AM the fucking Army) and I HATE rushrushRUSHING to get home- get kids ready for football and cheer ESPECIALLY now that school has started. GAHHHHHHHH!!!! And we haven't even started with homework yet!

I LOVE that the boy has had 2 amazing days in his new class, and that his teacher is so awesome. But I HATE that I am stressing out about when he gets home, when the homework starts and if all of this is just going to prove to be too much for him.

I HATE that I leave before I even get to see my kids and they are home before me too.  I HATE that I love my job but have no desire to go anymore- what was (is dammit IS!) my life's passion is rapidly turning into a drudgery and a huge inconvenience and a major source of stress that I cannot avoid. At least not if I like living in a house and eating on occasion.

I HATE that I have an opportunity to work closer , hell, pretty much on top of home, but it would mean a DRASTIC pay cut that we cannot afford right now.Actually ever. I HATE that I have cut every corner (on paper anyway) and still can't find a way to make it work- me switching jobs that is. And I HATE that I am rapidly starting to not GIVE A SHIT.  I will go without wine (cue the GASP)  I will go without expensive lunchmeat and cheese, I will make this old bra last a few more months, I will buy cheaper makeup, I will shop exclusively at Aldi's ( have quarter, will shop!)  we will not eat any more fast food, I will be saving about $110 a month in gas so that would help...right? But most of all - I will be more relaxed ( well- define RELAXED first).

I will be close to both Teenzilla and the Boy. I will remember to look on the school website for the right time for parent night at school, I will pack healthier lunches, I will be able to be a room mom, or hell, just be a part of the elementary experience- like I was with Teenzilla. And in my opinion it is even MORE important I am there as much as I can be- I mean autism and mainstream  4th grade- I want to be a part of that.  I NEED to be a part of it.

The mister says things like- "Well, we need to eat and pay bills" well DOY...it's not like I don't know this but what price is my sanity worth? What price is our children's education and my involvement worth? Perhaps if I had been more a part of my oldest's elementary school career his life wouldn't have taken such a terrible turn.

So now you see why, at this very moment.. I HATE EVERYTHING!!

I.Am.Going.To. SNAP

Back to School- the 2011 Edition

This is it! The first day of school for the 2011-2012 year. I bought the kiddos new clothes- new backpacks and shiny new pencils and sent them off to learn this morning. Why is it then- after taking the day off even- that I am in the dumps? Could it be because  I missed their entire summer WORKING?? Could it be the weather is cold and grey outside? Could it be that I am tired and out of my thyroid medication? Most like a mixture of all of them.

Always posing

The boy started his first day as a 4th grader in a mainstream classroom in a new school. Close to home, with a wonderful teacher and what is hopefully a VERY helpful and supportive IEP team.  I am so very excited about this year.

Teenzilla started 8th grade. The last year she will be a "Big Dog"  until Senior Year.  She bounced out of the house this morning looking adorable as usual with a "Love you Mom" over her shoulder as she headed out.

Beautiful girl!

The Mister went with me to the Boy's new school to make sure he got to the right classroom and to talk to the teacher a little as well. He settled right in and began doing the seek a word puzzle she had out for all the kids. Right away I saw 2 kids he already knows in his class...that was very nice. The teacher (who Teenzilla had in 4th grade!)  asked us a few questions and then the school psychologist popped in as well.

I left feeling both relieved and anxious at the same time. I am so happy I took the day off work. But now- as I sit here- I am thinking I like it a little TOO much. The thought of going to work 45 minutes away tomorrow and not being instantly ready to help if needed is making me very nervous.  VERY nervous and a little bitchy.
I am sure he will be just fine- but I WANT to be closer. I WANT to be home. I WANTITWANTITWANTIT!!!! (cue temper tantrum here)

Not to mention Teenzilla and her anxiousness over advanced math this year, Not that I could be much help with that- but I could make her laugh and fix her a snack until Dad got home to help.

So- I am starting a fund-if you would like to contribute to my "Stay at Home Mommy Fund" please contact me for details. $1.00 here, $5.00 there..all donations are accepted and appreciated.  Thank you for your help!