The Devolution of Traditional Family Time

I came across this picture today whilst cruising the interwebs....

My first reactions was to laugh- then I thought-"Awwww, how sad" And finally I found that I could COMPLETELY RELATE!   I have had a full text conversation with Teenzilla while she was up in her room and I was in the living room. Watching TV. And don't even get me started on Facebook, email, online games, Ebay...you get the point. 

I guess I should have felt terrible and immediately cancelled my cable, cell phones and internet and sat down to sing Kumbayah with my kids, but obviously that didn't happen. This my friends- really is the evolution or rather DEVOLUTION of "family time", everyone in the same room, but otherwise engaged in some sort of electronic stimulus. Attention fractured, not really able to focus on any one thing, or hyper focused to the exclusion of everything else.  

I have made the rationalizations- we are all TOGETHER more or less, yeah, I am playing on my iPhone, Teenzilla is on her computer, and dad is either so immersed in whatever is on TV or also playing on his phone and The Boy is usually sitting next to one one of us watching what we are doing or also watching TV. But we are still chatting, sharing whatever we might be doing with each other, and for all intents and purposes- spending time as a FAMILY...right?? 

Let me list the ways we DO spend true time as a family together:

1. Family meal times- 5-6 days of the week- dinner in our house is at the kitchen table- NO ELECTRONICS ALLOWED!
2. Family Game Night- NOT Wii game night, a real board or card game 
3. Family Nerf Gun Battles- a favorite for sure
4. Swimming in the summer, sledding or other snow fun in the winter
5. Football in the fall
6. Family trips to the apple orchards and pumpkin picking in the fall
7. Nature walks
8. Bike rides

So we DO a lot of things that do not revolve around a screen of some sort. But I guess on an every day basis- the TV, phones, computers and iPad dominate our lives. But isn't that the way with a huge percentage of the populace? I mean- we do live in a digital world. Our whole world can be broken down into zero's and ones, formulated into HTML and fed back to us on a screen of some kind.  Yes- there really is no substitute for outdoor fun, face to face conversations, books made out of paper and held in your hands with PAGES you can turn,but sadly, these things are starting to disappear.

So yeah- it is pretty damn sad when you think about it. But changing it isn't going to happen. I guess we all just need to make sure we are still making time for these "old fashioned" family fun things, and making sure our kids can connect with other LIVE people and not just images on a screen. 

Inclusion or Seclusion? What are we teaching our kids about Special Education?

I was having a conversation with the boys in the after school program I run yesterday. We were talking about random stuff,  zombies, food, basketball- all things 9-11 year old boys like to talk about.  The conversation turned to a boy in the special ed. class, who  had a major meltdown at school- screaming for almost an hour-  and then to the rest of the class in general.

They turned to me and asked this question:

"Ms. Dawn- why do some of the kids in Mrs. B's class even come to school? They don't even know

what is going on- are they even learning anything?"

First - I am thrilled that they are comfortable enough with me to ask this, second- this was not said in a cruel or mean way- it was a serious question.  I asked them what made them think this? And they said- not all of the kids- just some of them,(there are a couple of lower functioning kids- little to no speech, etc) couldn't learn anything so why were they at school. 

I pondered their question for a minute- thinking of the best way to answer them. As I said- they weren't being mean, but they truly felt this way and needed an honest answer.  

"Since I don't teach the kids on a regular basis- I can't say what they do or do not learn, but I can say that everyone learns, just maybe at a different pace, and maybe not the exact thing you might be learning."

They were quiet for a second, and then they said, OK Ms Dawn! Can we have snack now?  So did what I say make sense? Did they internalize it to ask their parents about later? Did they care at all? I have to think they did care- or they wouldn't have asked in the first place. I kept my answer short and sweet- when dealing with 9-11 year old boys- anything longer or more detailed would have been completely tuned out. 

My heart was heavy though, this is what they see, what is modeled for them, what they base their perceptions on.  Kids learn what they see, and being that the special ed class at The Boy's school is completely self contained- the rest of the student population doesn't have much of a chance to deal with them, get to know them, develop any kind of tolerance or sensitivity towards them.  They are not considered a part of the general education population, despite the teacher's amazing enthusiasm and effort to make the class less stigmatized. But since the students attend maybe 2 gen. ed. classes, and specials like art, music, gym and computers, they are truly not an integral part of the school community. The other kids will say things like "So and so was in MY class for science today"- lending credence to my theory that the special needs kids- even the higher functioning kids- are not considered part of the school "family".  It makes me sad. 

My thoughts on how to remedy this? The teachers need to be collaborating more!  Inclusion is a tricky thing, but it seems to be the way education is going.  There needs to be MORE EDUCATION FOR THE EDUCATORS!  They need more professional development days that deal strictly with inclusion, and how to teach the student population how to react to and treat these kids. Whether it is an invisible special need, like autism, or a something the kids can SEE, like Down's.  Sure there are still going to be bullying issues- it's not a perfect world we live in, but this could go a long way towards making bullying a rare occurrence as opposed to an every day thing.

The  fact is, mainstream schools are expected to smilingly and graciously accept any child sent their way, no matter what their need. Even if everyone involved can see that it isn't necessarily best for anyone. If extra money and support was readily available, and this was done as a positive move for both the abled and disabled communities to have more interaction I would probably feel better about it. But as it stands, it is a political move forced upon already cash strapped schools with an awkward, unorganized and red taped process that leaves parents,teachers and administrators feeling frustrated. 

I just hope that at some point the value that these kids add to their school is universally accepted. Perhaps that's when real inclusion begins?

Welcome to The Pity Party- BYOB

So welcome to my pity party. Pull up a chair. No invite necessary, but you have to BYOB- bring yer own bitching AND bring yer own booze.

If you don't believe in pity parties, feeling sorry for yourself etc. well bully for you. Go spout some motivational catch phrases elsewhere and let me wallow.  I am only  human and I feel the need to rage against the universe and bitch for a bit.  If this isn't for you- then move along- I really won't be offended.  I'll just drink more wine. Well, actually coffee that I desperately wish was spiked with Baileys. 

So let's look at the list of reasons I am throwing this shindig today

1) My husband took a second job that requires him to work all fucking weekend. This was a CHOICE mind you- supposedly going to help finances. While I have yet to reap the benefits of this, I have certainly become a lot more irritated. Even when I put aside being a bitch for a minute and see that he doesn't really want to do it either- it seems to be a losing situation all around- so don't do it..mkay?  But if I say that to him, then I am Queen Selfish Bitch, and I play that role all to often.  But right now I am feeling very disconnected from my marriage and my husband and I am not sure if a couple hundred bucks extra a month is worth it. 

2)My job is now going to require me to stay until 6:00 every night since someone quit. Normally this wouldn't be an issue- because the mister would come pick The Boy up and Teenzilla wouldn't be alone for so long in the afternoons and dinner would be served at a decent hour.  But since he will be working 2 nights a week - The Boy stays with me, dinner will be late (anything past 6:00 is late for me- especially on a school night)

3)I missed out on any kind of Valentines Day. Yup- hubby was working. I don't want much, I mean I did get some cool cookie sheets which I asked for, but I was kind of hoping to at least get taken out to dinner...but because of this job sitch- that ain't happening. 

4) I have been on this insane creative cooking spree- wanting to try new things, new ingredients and all that. The Boy eats NOTHING. So, to make sure his scrawny ass gets something to eat, I cook separate dinners- something I swore I would never do again after the oldest was spoiled my his nana in the exact  same way. Took forever to break him!  But it is what it is, and I just hope with age and continued effort on my part- he will eventually start at least tolerating something new on his plate.

5) I have applied for 62 scholarships in the last 3 months. I also applied for my FAFSA. No word on any of the scholarships yet, FAFSA said I qualify for up to 10K in loans that the University of my choice would apprise me of.  I see so many friends finishing college and I am happy for them, yet jealous as well. And I hate for my happiness for my friends to be tainted with petty jealousy.   I am feeling my almost 39 years and am starting to think I am just too fucking old for this shit.

So there it is- my bullshit white people problems all laid out for people to mock or judge. I needed this today- writing is a supremely cathartic exercise- and while I am still boo-hooing in my coffee (which I  still wish was spiked with Bailey's) I am gonna go shower and make the most of the day that is left I guess.  I can suppress the pessimistic, whiny bitch  and let the optimist thrive. Then I will put on my flowing hippie dress and dance in a meadow...oops..that broody bitch just keeps getting out. Sorry I am not sorry. 

*The bright spot in all this gray? In 5 days I am going to get to see some amazing friends. Candice, Nikki, Danielle, and Rene- I can't WAIT for our weekend of debauchery. You really have no idea!