Do NOT compare my child to your dog. EVER.

As the  parent of three actual humans, I get annoyed with people that call themselves a “pet parent.” The only parents a pet has are those of the same species that had sex in a river, up in a tree, or in some dark alley after sniffing each other’s butts. Period.As a human, you are their owner. Their caretaker. Their trainer. Their master. BUT YOU. ARE NOT. THEIR PARENT!

This is NOT a hairy baby. This.is.a.DOG.

Now I know a lot of people feel differently, and I’ll openly admit that I’m not a pet, more specifically a "dog person”  I like other people's pets. I play with my mother in law's giant slobbery Boxer who weighs about 100 lbs. and thinks he's a lap dog. He is sweet, but I wouldn't want to own him.  I also like my good friend's two pit bulls- sweet funny dogs who I like to give ice cubes because they love them so much!

If you like pets, if you LOVE pets, that’s great –they’re good for companionship, and I am a big fan of service dogs. I have a kitty, and I love him very much.So do my kids. So go ahead, love your pet! Dress your pet in goofy looking Christmas sweaters. Put galoshes on them in the rain. Feed them with a special spoon. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no denying that as living, breathing creatures, they’re part of the family – the family pet. They should be loved, taken care of an not mistreated or abused. But do not EVER compare your ANIMAL to my CHILDREN. That shit won't fly.

Sure, pets are like children in some ways. They make messes and don’t clean up after themselves. They’re active. They like lots of attention. They make me swear at least once a day. But the similarities end there and the differences are what makes having pets absolutely nothing like raising children. I don't pop my kids on the nose (or anywhere else for that matter) with a newspaper,(or my hand or ANYTHING)  nor do I leave them in a crate while I go to work. I do not have to go to doggy school and advocate for their right to an education. But I DO do that with The Boy. I DO have to console Teenzilla when a boy has hurt her, or a so called best friend is being not such a good friend.  I do have to be a MOM and all it entails to my very human children. 

I live next to TWO of these

I know what I will do! Devise a plan to get rid of those dogs!

I have very inconsiderate neighbors with two extremely irritating yappy dogs. They bark and bark and bark and bark at all hours of the night, super early on the weekends - at the fucking  wind blowing. They are also very BITEY. Came into MY YARD and tried to bite The Boy. In his own yard!!  They disturb not just my sleep but The Boy's and Teenzilla's AND The Mister's. And let me tell you, disturbing a kiddo on the spectrum's sleep- ON A SCHOOL DAY- that pisses me off no end.  For two YEARS I have been dealing with these useless barking fuckers. TWO YEARS! I have tried to befriend them, I have tried giving them treats- and they just bark. Yes- their owners are inconsiderate jerks. Yes they are "just dogs" but after speaking with them, talking to Animal Control (which seemed to work for a couple of months- barking bastards had shock collars on- blessed quiet!) I have had it! I will be IN MY HOUSE- and they can see me in the kitchen window and they will bark. Forget outdoor activities in the summer- they ruin it.  I wish they would run away.I have said I will buy a BB gun and shoot the little fucks when they bark. I have wished terrible things on them (and the human owners as well) ESPECIALLY when I am awoken at 1:00 A.M and again at 6:00 A.M. on a Sunday. But do I act on these things? Of course not. Do I sit and dwell on this shit, improvising elaborate methods to ensure the dog's demise?  No. I do have a life.  That doesn't stop me from disliking the neighbors and their complete lack of consideration, nor does it make me like those stupid dogs. 

THIS is a child. MY child.

Someone recently on Facebook actually said I needed counseling  and wonder if I throw my kids out when they irritate me- oh DAMN. That is the FASTEST way to piss me off.  DO NOT EVER EVER EVER COMPARE MY CHILDREN TO YOUR PETS! EVER!!!

The plain and simple truth is dogs grow up to be dogs. Love them, buy them toys, treats, take them on walks, they are going to love you. And when he grows up he’s still going to be a dog.  As a nation we have become particularly obsessed with our pets, pet hotels, pet psychics, animal advocates (don't get me started on that one) but your obsession is not going to change the fact that your dog will probably grow up to be the same dog he was going to be anyway.

Raising children comes with knowing that you are responsible for molding a human being  that will someday be able to go out on their own and become productive members of society. This requires a constant investment in them, keeping an eye on friends and activities, helping achieve success in school and ultimately  passing on the morals and values that you want them to carry for a lifetime. You raise your kids to eventually leave you and go out into the world as adults to live their lives and maybe have children of their own someday. Your dog will be with you forever. And it will still be a dog. Maybe slower, and definitely older. STILL A DOG. 

People need to think twice before comparing their dog to someone’s child- ESPECIALLY MINE. 

Here are some key differences between dogs and kids for those who might need the info. 

• If you're a dog owner, and you're out of milk and you need it for the recipe you're making for dinner, you can run to the grocery store  without your dog.
• If you are a parent of a small child and you find yourself faced with a grocery emergency, you either must find a babysitter immediately, or dress your child appropriately for the weather, take your child to  the car whether or not your child wants to go, strap your child into an appropriate restraining device, listen to your child complain about your selections on the car radio all the way to the store, take your child out of the car seat,strap them into a cart (depending on their age of course- try strapping a teenager into a cart- that doesn't go over well!) listen to your child ask whether you can buy every tenth thing you pass, load your groceries into your car and return your cart  while also wrangling your child, strap your child back into the car seat, drive home, and then figure out how to get your child and the groceries out of the car at the same time. Now- do this with a kiddo on the spectrum that you have had to interrupt while playing Lego Starwars. Multiply all of this by 100. 
• A new puppy may wake its owners up several times a night to be played with, have to go to the bathroom, etc.
• A new baby will wake a mother up several times a night to CHEW ON HER BOOBS.
• A new puppy may sometimes pee/poop or barf on the floor
• A new baby may sometimes pee/poop or vomit IN YOUR FACE. Not to mention the clean shirt you just put on.
• It might take a couple of months to potty train a puppy.
• It can take YEARS to potty train child. Oh- kiddo on the spectrum? That could be, well, never.
• You can leave your dog alone in a fenced yard with a bowl of food, a bowl of water and some toys for eight hours a day while you work, and you might feel a little bit guilty.
• If you leave your child alone in a fenced yard with a bowl of food, a bowl of water and some toys for eight hours a day while you work, you will be arrested.
• You have to teach a dog that chewing your favorite shoes to pieces is not an appropriate way to play. 
• You have to teach a child that playing with matches could set your entire house on fire.

This is by no means a comprehensive list- but it does cover some important things that should help if you find yourself confused. 

Sidebar: Abusing or mistreating animals is WRONG. Please inform your local Animal Control if you see evidence of abuse.  Sadly, more animal abuse cases are followed up on than child abuse cases. Try and justify that. 

Service dogs are AMAZING. Check out 4 Paws for Ability. They are awesome- and I have a friend with 2 autistic children who has a dog from there- and he is great. Oh- and doesn't bark at air. 

P.S. People say it is the owners fault. I agree to an  extent. But these same people also STILL compared kids and dogs- Bad kids have bad parents and bad pets have bad owners. Love the ignorance and intolerance. Sorry- but my kid isn't always being "bad" He is autistic- and might be overwhelmed. And I also firmly believe that there are bad apples everywhere. Even with dogs. 

It's a blog- not an open invitation to tell me how effed up I am

There are a bajillion blogs out there. There are blogs about kids, booze, food, technology, families....the list goes on and on and on and on ad infinitum. I personally read several blogs religiously. Moms Who Drink and Swear,  Dad v. Autism  ( my hubby ♥), Life With Penis People, Mary Tyler Mom, Counting Caballeros, Shit Your Mother Never Told You, Apples and Autobots, Little White Lion, ....are just a VERY small sampling of what I personally read. I keep up on the autism blogs, of which there are many, and mine of course is a hodge podge of autism, parenting, friends, daily life, blah, blah, blah.  Hell, I even wrote about wishing I had done more Kegels for shit's sake....

I may not agree with every single thing I read - even on my favorites- but I do not make it my personal mission to send anybody a private message telling them how fucked up they are, to decry their character or morals, or to just spew hate.   And I really do NOT get people that do.  Bloggers are opening themselves up, creating stuff that matters to them- and hoping it will matter to others as well. Whether it's political, whimsical, informative or funny, it is ALL a matter of opinion- and that leaves us vulnerable. We hope to inspire, but we also open ourselves up to criticism, both constructive and unfortunately destructive. 

I am not holding a gun to YOUR head right now. I am not forcing you to read this. You CHOSE to read my somewhat intelligible rantings. My writing is not filled with subliminal messages {{{read this blog or else you will break out in boils and develop syphilis}}  forcing the average person to read.  And while I welcome feedback, similar stories, and disagreement (done in an intelligent manner) I will not give credence to sad people who think they have to say horrible awful things to build themselves up.  

For instance- in my blog Must love dogs. Well Screw That! I wrote about our misfortunes with owning dogs. I received so many venomous, hate filled nasty comments- it just blew me away. I laughed a lot of it off- each to his own right? But people were actually calling my parenting skills into question- really? Don't even go there! Here is one example:

I have to say that I am appalled by the way you have treated those poor defenceless animals. And I'm even more appalled that you seem to think that the way you have behaved is acceptable. You left your family pet with a humane society and do not even care about whether or not it's still alive? And you are about to do it again? I am ashamed to belong to the same species as you. I'm almost surprised that you didn't give up your son when it turned out he was autistic, just in case he turned out to be too much work for you! I really hope that when you become old and senile and start shitting yourself that your children dump you in a nursing home. Because they will have learned from you that getting rid of something that has become an inconvience is perfectly ok.

This one really pissed me off. But then- I took a deep breath and decided it was absolutely pointless and ridiculous to get pissed off, much less argue with someone like this ( even though I DID have some choice things to say!)  This person had an opinion- and even though they were unable to present their opinion in a matter that didn't try to bring me down, it was still their OPINION...and unfortunately, any asshole can have one of those. 

When out perusing the blogosphere- remember that a million different personalities have millions upon millions of opinions and write about them.NOBODY  is forcing anyone to read or agree with ANYTHING.  You may not like or agree with them all. But it is not license to be nasty, bitchy, hateful or even threatening to the writer.  Haters: Try writing your own blog- put yourself out there and see what happens.  

So the moral of the story is- read my blog, have an opinion, share a comment, similar story, helpful advice or even criticism- I can take it! Just remember- I am putting myself out there- both for my own enjoyment and because I hope that something I say may resonate with someone else and dare I say help someone out. But more than that- I may be the one getting help or advice. I am an autism mom - I can use all the help I can get.

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To all the haters- Kiss my ass!

So one of my recent blogs has garnered some attention.  And not very welcome attention at that. I am used to being praised to the heavens so this bitch slapping that I have received has truly humbled me.

That is not to say that I think everyone will agree with me, or like what I have to say- not at all. But the comments in the Must Love Dogs blog have gotten way out of hand. My parenting has been called into question, I have been called vile, disgusting, horrible and stupid. All of which I take with a grain of salt and a tequila shot- but the hateful things some people spew really have me kind of upset. For instance- take MrsBecky:

If you got rid of your first dog because you couldn't handle, why the HELL did you think a puppy would be a good idea? I think you are an awful person, but worse, I think you're as stupid as they come. Next time, before making any decision that affects another LIVING being, please do your research and know what the eff you are doing. You disgust me.

OK- fine- whatever...water off a ducks back. Then we had Sophia Campbell :

I have to say that I am appalled by the way you have treated those poor defenceless animals. And I'm even more appalled that you seem to think that the way you have behaved is acceptable. You left your family pet with a humane society and do not even care about whether or not it's still alive? And you are about to do it again? I am ashamed to belong to the same species as you. I'm almost surprised that you didn't give up your son when it turned out he was autistic, just in case he turned out to be too much work for you! I really hope that when you become old and senile and start shitting yourself that your children dump you in a nursing home. Because they will have learned from you that getting rid of something that has become an inconvience is perfectly ok.\\

 

Whoa! Really lady? You have the balls to come to my blog and equate me not wanting a dog to not wanting my AUTISTIC child?? Bitch- you done fucked up there- do not EVER drag my children into anything or all manners of hell will rain down on your sorry ass. And your deplorable spelling doesn't help either..just sayin.

 And then in my sort of defense, annemercedes said:

Totally inappropriate comment about her child...You might disagree with how she treats dogs...I think its a tough one there, especially for people who love dogs- I get that.But as least she is being honest there.
It has nothing to do with who she is as a mom..That was a cruel and uncalled for comment.Apparently the tentative inability to deal with a child who is " different" poses some kind of question to her..otherwise, why even bring that up?
Dawn, I would not even dignify her with a response...you do not need to defend yourself. 

Now-  this one was kind of back handed- how she treats dogs? Never once did I say I beat them, or hurt them in any way. I despise anyone who can hurt a defenseless animal. The worst I did was flip him off..he was well taken care of- loved Spaghettios and had a nice comfy bed - well pretty much wherever he wanted to lie down. He had toys and treats. He wasn't tied to a stake in the yard and left, he wasn't beaten, he wasn't starved. Just look at the damn picture people!

 

And then Jes Jou Jester also rallied to my side saying:

are you kidding me? the idea that anyone would take this situation and place it ANYWHERE near the way that you care for you children is appalling. they are the disgusting ones. they should be ashamed. dawn, you are a great woman. you relayed a story. when push comes to shove, it is an animal. i LOVE my animals, but they are ANIMALS. period. 

 

Thanks to you guys- and a few more who had decent things to say- it is much appreciated and feels good to know there are people who have my back and had something of an understanding of what I was writing about- even if they disagreed. 

But this bitch takes the cake- I am floored by the hateful venom she spews - and I can be as hateful as the next guy- but this takes it to another level. christya said:  (in her first comment)

Wow, you really are disgusting. Sophie's comments might have been out of line, but that doesn't change the fact that a you are NOT a good person. I don't care how many people crawl out of the woodwork to shout about what a good mother you are. You're not a good mother - you're teaching your children that only their comfort and that of their family matters, that they needn't think about the other creatures in this world if it doesn't suit them. People show their true colours when they deal with people or creatures when there are no consequences to doing wrong. You treat dogs as disposable because you can, and that's just vile. If it wasn't for your poor children, I'd be rooting for your husband to take your ridiculous 'get rid of the dog or take it and go' ultimatum and walk out on you. As it is, I just feel sorry for him

 

#2

f I read your other posts? I did, actually, and there is absolutely nothing there that suggests that you're anything other than a disgusting human being. Your children are fantastic? What, aren't you counting the one you're calling bad for the whole world to see? Have you decided that he just isn't turning out how you want so you don't have to count him? If you think he's so fantastic, how about you stop whining about him to people on the internet. You're a whole new level of vile. Your kids are lucky to have you? No, but sadly for them they'll probably only realize how much you screwed them up when it's too late to stop. You, on the other hand, are so self-obsessed and smug about your nasty little self that you'll probably never see it. Keep looking in that mirror. You might as well stare at the only person you really, truly give a shit about.

Wow.  I just can't believe the nastiness that some people are capable of- especially hiding in the anonymity of the Interwebs.  I mean- this horrible person has no idea who I am, who my family is, or anything. And all this over a damn dog.

Which then calls into question my blog about my oldest kid. That was a pisser to write and even a bigger pisser to publish. But I needed to get it out,  and if my experience can help someone else- or if I can get some help myself  then I accomplished what I set out to do. I love my kid...I just don't like the path he's on right now- and I like it even less that there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

So now I am refusing to look at any comments- fuck the haters as they say. I know who and what I am- and I am proud to be me. I am a good mom, a good wife and a good friend. I can look myself in the mirror every day and know that I am a decent person. Not perfect, I make some HUGE mistakes- but all in all I am happy to be Dawn.  

And just an update to all the assholes- the dog, Jack is about to be adopted into a new (hopefully) forever home. Our friend and neighbor runs the local shelter and has been awesome and amazing in helping to get him placed. Thanks so much - this has made giving him up a little easier on my hubby.