Saturday, April 27, 2013

You got me WHAT for Mother's Day??

OK- it's another in a long list of blogs by seemingly ungrateful mom's saying what they DON'T want for Mother's Day.  I full embrace my ungrateful, whiny, bitchy side when it comes to this day. For years, I was the smile and say how much I loved the homemade gifts and home burnt, I mean, cooked breakfasts,mom. Then my spawn got older, and the gifts didn't get any better. No thought, no pizzazz, and homemade Chore Coupons are a bunch of bullshit- because as soon as you try to redeem them the kids are nowhere to be found.

I am my family's EVERYTHING- as most mom's are. I am the cook, maid, chauffeur, doctor, lawyer, teacher, warden, confidant, laundress, go to every meeting, school function and know where EVERYTHING is at ALL times, super woman 24/7. Mother's Day is every damn day a far as I am concerned. But do I ask for anything? Nope. And most likely, I will end up doing something for someone else, or giving up something I wanted to do just to keep the peace. (Or spare the credit card- I have serious issues spending money on myself).

I like quiet. No video games or sports (unless I choose one of them) playing on the TV. No laundry or cleaning. No fighting among kids. Maybe take me out to breakfast or brunch. Or let me stay in bed all day if I choose with NO INTERRUPTIONS. Make me a mimosa. Or three. A day trip to the spa- now you're talking.   But I most definitely do not want:

1)A burnt, partially cold breakfast in bed. First you woke me up. Second, you made a huge mess. Third- I don't like eating in bed. The flower/weed from the yard does not pretty up this disaster. So thanks, but no thanks.

2) Asking me the day before what I want. If you haven't at least THOUGHT about Mother's Day prior to the day before- just forget it. 

3) Anything that implies household chores. Vacuums, pots and pans, a 50's style apron. Nope, nope and nope.  Save that shit for birthday and Christmas. 

4) Jewelry. Yeah- you heard me. I wear my wedding ring, occasionally earrings if I can find a matched pair. But I don't need or want anything else. Now- get my wedding ring cleaned- that would be appreciated. 

5)Gift Cards. Really? I mean, I love giving these easy, no muss no fuss gifts- to teenagers and distant relatives. But not on Mother's Day. To me. No thanks.

6)Clothes. I am super picky about what I wear- and I am overweight, so odds are that unless it is a scarf or a pair of socks,(which I don't want either) it will be the wrong size and I will have my feelings hurt or be pissed. It doesn't work out for The Mister, or the kiddos- don't do it.

7) An afternoon with the in  laws. I love them- but I really don';t want to spend my afternoon being worried what The Boy is doing, or having to stare at a sulky Teenzilla. Honey- YOU take the kids and go hang out with YOUR mom! That would be awesome! 

8) NOTHING with "Best Mom Ever" or anything similar on it. 

9) Nothing handmade from the kids. The two who are at home are almost 15 and 11. The oldest is 22. GO TOGETHER AND BUY YOUR MOM SOMETHING DAMMIT! 

I am simple- I would enjoy a day of chillin' with the kids, taking random naps, NOT doing laundry or cleaning up after anyone, having full control of the TV and sipping mimosa's. If The Twenty Something has to work, take me out for dinner at Chile's and give me some of those awesome margarita's like you did last year- you know, the ones that had me laughing too loud and damn near dancing on the table? That was great!

Just be extra nice to me, ok? Don't ask what needs to be done- just do it. Don't make snippy remarks to antagonize someone, be sarcastic with The Boy who doesn't get it anyway, ask me where ANYTHING is (unless it is my empty wine glass- I will be happy to point you in that direction) and don't begrudge me MY day.  I love you all, and am grateful to have such a beautiful,wonderful family. Me getting a day "off" won't change any of that.  And please- don't forget- this is my 11th Mother's Day without my own mom. I miss her every day. This day is one of the hardest. I might be kind of weepy. Don't ask questions, and don't make a big deal of it if I burst into tears and run upstairs. It will pass. Just have another glass of wine waiting when I return- and everything will be just fine.