Friday, May 11, 2012

Me and my cranky uterus

 And I bleed for 7+ + days without dying

Happy Mother's Day! Yeah- a couple of days early- but hey- isn't EVERY day Mother's Day? I mean- is there ever a day that you are NOT a mom once you grow those people and squeeze them out? 

That said- if you are a mom you know very well what kind of havoc babies inflict on your body. Stretch marks, extra fat, saggy boobs, etc. Yeah, I am not sugar coating any of this because even you young hard body moms will soon show the wear and tear of pregnancy and birth- or at least I fervently hope you do. 

So- once you are done birthing babies- what's the point  of a uterus and ovaries? I mean- all they are good for after the fertile years"are developing the dreaded "lady problems", cysts, fibroids, gut wrenching cramps and the scene from Nightmare on Elm Street - you know the one where Johnny Depp gets sucked into the bed and the geyser of blood that erupts straight after-in your pants.  I did say there would be no sugar coating right? 

Rather than join the Happy Housewives Hysterectomy Club I think these now useless parts should just fall out so you don’t have to deal with them.  This would save money, recovery time, and avoid the risks of surgery. I know that now there are robots who can do the surgery, and unless there are other issues or your doctor is Trapper John, you don't get the hip to hip incision-but surgery is surgery. Not only that- all you have to go through prior to even being considered for surgery- it really is hell.  I would be a lot more amenable to the whole thing  if the doc would be willing to do a boob lift, tummy tuck and some lipo-and remove any other non-vital organs that are just gonna go to hell. 

I would like to thank my uterus for housing three tiny humans safely and allowing me to have the most amazing job ever- raising them and being a mom. But bitch- I am DONE with you now. I am done with the pain, mood swings and supreme assholishness that I go through for at least 3 weeks a month. So- don't take this the wrong way- but I must end our relationship- and really- it's not's you. 

Angry Uterus is Angry