The holiDAZE with Autism

Making him take pictures- not my best idea

The HoliDAZE and Autism... two things that don't often mix well. The rushing, the loud music, the winter clothes, the crowds,  and new foods can all be a sensory NIGHTMARE for the child with Autism. Meltdowns are more likely to happen during this time of year- and with all of the other things going on it is VERY easy as a parent to get overwhelmed ourselves. So here are some things that we have found helps us out this crazy time of year...and being blessed with a child who has High Functioning Autism, we have it easier than some folks. But these tips can be helpful for ANY child and frazzled parent. So here goes...


1)This time of year is filled with meeting new people and the social stresses of being polite, and thanking people for gifts can put a BIG strain on a kiddo on the spectrum. Social stories are AMAZING helpers - but so is a willingness as parents to be understanding, TRY and limit interactions that involve a lot of new people and settings.  Don't do too much on any one day, if possible- limit things to one event a day. And if at all possible- try to entertain at your house- this gives your child a safe environment where expectations are  understood.


2)Schedules tend to change A LOT this time of year. And as I am sure any parent of an autistic child will tell you, schedules and predictability are VITAL in keeping the peace. Try and keep the daily schedule as close to "normal" as possible. Have a chill out time if you can. Try and include (if and when appropriate) your kiddos in the process. Put events on a calendar just for them- then remind them as time gets closer- it helps to take the mystery out of something new- as they can get ready by watching the count down. Each morning, share that day's schedule with the kids, and only that day's schedule. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week.  Again- SOCIAL STORIES!! Can't say enough about them!

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3)Sensory issues during the holidays - where to begin? New foods, new textures, new sounds....it can be a veritable mine field for a autistic child.  Some things that might help are Keep clothes soft and comfortable,( this is particularly hard for me as I am the "Let's get dressed up" mom). Serve a favorite at meals, or have them eat before. This is a cardinal rule in our house- nothing worse than a hungry kid -ANY kid. Don't force hello's and goodbyes- this is a chaotic time with a lot going on- forcing the issue is NOT in anyone's best interest!  Crowded malls bring out the worst in people- imagine not having the ability to filter all of the noise, touching, lights and loud people- you would meltdown too!! Try and shop without then kid - you will BOTH be better off!  

4) Make sure family and friends are well informed about your child's "quirks". What might be mistaken as obnoxious or rude behavior is more than likely just a part of your autistic child's personality. Seeing the world in black and white can be a blessing and a curse. Especially around the holidays when we might be interacting with people that we don't see often, and who may not always be on our top 10 list. Make sure guests are aware that your kid may need a break- and they are walking away without answering because they feel overwhelmed, not because they are being a brat. Or (especially in our house) the kiddo answering a question or engaging in conversation that is COMPLETELY about dinosaurs- just smile and nod- we will take care of it when it seems to be out of control. Remember, they want to be involved too- but if you ask a lot of questions that is usually a sure way to shut them down. Also- processing time is usually longer, so be patient and wait for your answer!  

5)Find ways that your kid can help to make the holidays their own. Baking, decorating, setting the table, helping with Christmas cards- be as creative as you can. This is an amazing tradition builder as well as making Christmas with Autism a good time for all. 

6) And please don't forget about US. As parents to a kiddo on the spectrum, we spend a great deal of our time keeping schedules, trying to make sure  other siblings aren't losing out on things they like as well, school issues, friend issues,  and the holiDAZE are no exception. We don't get to enjoy holiday functions and family gatherings, probably because we are trying to keep the kiddo on an even keel,so most times we just don't get to go at all. We get a little stressed, overwhelmed and lonely too. Stop by with some of those cookies the whole family got together to make- you know- that fun event we decided not to attend because our ASD kiddo is all over the place, meltdown conditions are high, and the time of evening it is at is NOT the best time for him.  Please don't assume that just because he is older, he is "better." Not how it works. For us- early signs of puberty are starting- so now we have a whole new set of challenges. Everybody is dealing with their own challenges with autism and the holiDAZE- just remember- be patient, and be kind. We really appreciate it. 

So whether it is a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,  Happy Kwanzaa, Blessed Yule or Merry Jar of Dirt for you- I hope some of these will help.   And please- by all means wish me a Happy/Merry/Blessed  whatever- I promise not to be offended.... I will be happy you took a minute to say something nice to me. 

Family Adventures and how Autism ruins them

You know, most of the time I try and be positive, even upbeat about living the autism life. But sometimes even my incessant cheeriness is dulled by how our lives are dictated by crap that autism throws at us.  And those days are the days I say AUTISM SUCKS and I don't care who doesn't like it.

I did not say "The Boy sucks" and I never ever would. But this weekend the fact that autism and the anxiety it creates abruptly cut an  impromptu family adventure very short frustrates me.

The Mister surprised us on Saturday and said- get to the car- we are going on an adventure! This is unusual for him to begin with, so we all did as he said. Everyone piled in the car laughing, excited to get out of the house.

Look how happy we all are!

An hour car ride filled with singing, laughter and playing the alphabet game, everything was fine and dandy. We decided to stop at Cabela's- just for the hell of it. Things continued on, light, fun, and silly with The Boy amazed at all the displays- and then all of a sudden I saw the signs-  the anxious look in The Boy's eyes, the jerky body movements, the heavy breathing- here comes the meltdown.  Time to go, and go get something to eat I tell The Mister.  Teenzilla rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath which I chose to ignore.

Blown away at Cabela's

We got back to the car and talked about what else we were going to do. The Boy asked if we were going to go home now. I said- well- we were kind of planning on some more adventuring after getting some lunch. The panic really set in at that point and he cried- "I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!"  Ok, ok- let's get some food.

Over lunch we talked about taking a trip to Ikea, or just aimlessly driving somewhere and stopping when we saw something cool. As I watched The Boy barely touch his chicken nuggets, I knew our adventure was done for the day.

Teenzilla was pissed. Pissed at her brother, pissed at me, and refusing to be consoled. That finally made me snap at her, and tell her I have to miss out on things all the time, she just needs to get over it. Of course, I immediately regretted this- as tears welled up in her eyes, and she yelled back "I AM ALWAYS DISAPPOINTED! HE always ruins everything!"  *sigh* Yet another family outing derailed by Autism. Teenzilla taking a back seat again to her brothers sensory needs and anxiety issues. I know it sucks. I hate it too.

As soon as we got home, I told her we were getting pizza and she should ask her BFF to come over to hang out.   She shrugged and went to her room. The Boy visibly relaxed as soon as we pulled in the driveway. The panicked look in his eyes, the tension in his whole body, it all went away. I knew we made the right decision- even if it was at the expense of the rest of the family having fun. I was frustrated and a little irritated too. Well- a lot irritated. I have to keep telling myself  "It's NOT his fault, it's NOT his fault." This wasn't a case of a child being a brat- this was sensory issues and autistic behaviors in overdrive. And despite his (and our) efforts, today just wasn't a day he could overcome them

Siblings get screwed sometimes when dealing with an autistic brother or sister.  Either they feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility, or they feel resentful, jealous and anger. I follow all the advice. I make time just for her. We do lunch and shopping dates, I let her friends all hang out here, we do movie nights- anything to make it all about HER, since so much of our world does revolve around The Boy. From what we watch on TV, what we eat for dinner, and where we get to go-  it can be difficult to balance.  And The Boy is high functioning, I can't imagine how much more tricky it becomes when you have a child that has moderate to severe autism that requires 150% of your time and attention, PLUS any other children that need that attention too. I feel bad even complaining.   But sometimes you just have to let it out, right? Tomorrow is another day.  Just keep swimming.

My loves ♥

The Dreaded/Hoped For Snow Day

Woo-Hoo! Snow Day!

The Snow Day. Capitalized out of respect, it is a very complicated thing. Pretty much everyone, except parents, love them and wish for them.  But they are definitely a mystery to the everyday person.

What constitutes a Snow Day? Depending on where you live, a light dusting might be cause for panic and the immediate canceling of schools across the board. These are generally areas that don't get a lot of snow. Ever. If you are like me, and live in the Midwest, school only closes if you literally can't open your front door, because the snow is that deep.

We are in the light blue- 4-8 inches

So why do Snow Day's happen? Will we have one tomorrow? According to the weather the East Coast is going to get slammed with  2-4 FEET of wet heavy snow.Where I live in  Michigan, we are supposed to see a fraction of that, possibly up to 6 inches of wet, heavy, accumulating snow, with periods of sleet and freezing rain turning our roads into big icy slip and slides. Last year, they called school off for a supposed Snowmageddon that never happened. I am sure that mistake won't be made again.

The truth is, nobody really understands a Snow Day. With the exception of the weather person- and even then it's debatable.  The powers that govern school closings i.e The Superintendent, decide when and if schools will close, if the roads are too dangerous, teacher's can't make it in to teach, how many Snow Days a district has. (In our case we should have at least 3, we haven't used any as of yet).

Fun in the snow

Now you might be saying "WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT A SNOW DAY?? DON'T YOU REALIZE THE KIDS WILL BE AT *GULP* HOME? WITH YOU??" Yes, yes I do, and I am perfectly o.k. with that. I mean, how can you NOT love a Snow Day. A Snow Day is basically Mother Nature looking down and saying, "Hey, everyone!  You can sleep in! And, guess what? No homework! Is that OK with you?" To which everyone always replies, "HECK YEAH!" For us, it  means a lazy day, watching TV, eating junk food, and chilling out. (literally). Depending on the temps, it probably means some great outside fun.  Yeah- it messes up The Boy's routine a little, but we can overcome that.  It means I don't have to go into work, The Mister will probably work from home and we all get a well deserved three day weekend.

So, I am going to share with you, what Teenzilla's kindergarten teacher shared with her class. A secret, tried and true method to get a Snow Day in 4 easy steps. Now, you do not have to do the ritual, either way, the nasty storm on it's way may decide for you. But, if you aren't sure, and you would really enjoy a day off of school/work/etc. then follow these steps- IN ORDER, or who knows what the outcome will be!

1)Wear your pajamas inside out. This will be even more effective if your pajamas have feet.

2)Flush  ice CUBES down the toilet. Remember, they must be CUBES, crushed ice won't work! (My theory about this is if the ground isn't frozen, snow won't stick, right? And the pipes in your toilet eventually go underground, right? And if your pipes get cold enough, than the ground will freeze, right? So, it stands to reason that if you flush enough ice cubes down your toilet, your pipes will be cold enough to freeze the ground so the snow will stick,  which will consequently render the roads DEATH TRAPS. Automatic snow day.)

3)A spoon, or a white FROZEN crayon under your pillow (I really don't get the reasoning behind this- but hey, whatever works!)

4) The obligatory snow dance. Kind of like a rain dance but with a lot more yelling, running in circles and BIG spazzy arms. Be careful of furniture and proximity to other people during this snow dance, you don't want to spend your Snow Day hurt or in trouble for breaking something. 

There you go. That should do it. And if for some bizarre reason these methods do not get you your Snow Day (pssshht, yeah, right) then at least you got to have some silly fun with your family, and THAT is the best possible outcome anyway.

P.S. I HAVE done this with The Boy- and we didn't get a Snow Day. Due to Autism's literalness, he wasn't a happy camper. This was two years ago. Now, he understands it is all in fun, and if we get lucky we will have a Snow Day.  Autism parents, you will know how much, if any of this will go over well in your house. 

I choose......YOU!

I was very surprised and honored when I found out that The Mommy Ref nominated me for The Liebster Award!  I have been nominated for this once before, and it was just as big of a surprise- especially since I am such a lazy blogger!

So now it's my turn. Check out the "rules" for The Liebster Award and enjoy!

This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support each other.

1. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you, then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.

3. Choose 11 new bloggers (or with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.

4. Go to their page and tell them about the award.

5. No tag backs.

11 Random Facts About Red Vines & Red Wine

•  ü  I have a fear of open closets.
  ü  I am afraid of thunderstorms
  ü  I am becoming increasingly OCD. Seriously, the glasses and coffee cups in the kitchen cabinet have to be “just so” or I get REALLY annoyed!
  ü  I like to eat saltine crackers with butter on them
  ü  My blog used to be called Ramblings of a Wineaux Mom. Drinking a glass of Sweet Red wine one night, I happened to eat a Red Vine. Then I decided to change the name!
  ü  I love Zombie movies, shows, books etc. Especially The Walking Dead
  ü  I have had an idea and rough outline for a children’s book for about 6 years.
  ü  I have been married for 15 years this July
  ü  I collect pigs. I LOVE pigs!
  ü  I love the movie White Chicks
  ü  I used to be a cheerleader. I really really love cheer. I coach pee-wee cheerleaders in the summer. Teenzilla hates it. I made her do it anyway. 
  
  
  Questions from The Mommy Ref
  
  
  
  
  1.  Why did you start to blog? I like to write, and I thought, what the hell? Then I started reading Moms Who Drink and Swear and that was it!  I wish I blogged more- I really need to be more disciplined about it. Right now though, school is taking up most of my time.
  
  
  2.  Do you have a story behind your kid(s) name(s)? My oldest is named after Meggie’s son in The Thorn Birds (Dane) Teenzilla was difficult, all of us started with “D” and I kind of wanted to stick with that- but I didn’t like any “D” names. The Mister woke me up at 1:00 in the morning about 3 weeks before she was due and said RYLEE! And so it was. The Boy, we both really liked Noah! Each of their middle names is a grandparent as well.
  
  
  3.  What is your favorite sit com? The Big Bang Theory, New Normal and Modern Family
  
  
  4.  Have you ever been to another country? Mexico and Canada. I went to Tijuana when I was in high school, and I live about 20 minutes from Windsor Canada. Only been there a couple of times though!
  
  
  5.  What is your favorite ice cream? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. YUMMMMM
  
  
  6.  What did you want to be when you grew up? A lawyer! I was going to go to NYU and live in New York. Getting preggers at 16 sidelined that!  I started teaching preschool when Teenzilla was 2, and never looked back. Now my goal is to teach special ed with a focus on ASD and implement an ASD program in our school district.
  
  
  7.  Are you allergic to anything? Walnuts- funny story- our wedding cake was made by my sister’s mother-in-law and was full of walnuts! I could only have a teeny tiny bite and even that made my tongue itchy
  
  
  8.  What state would you move to if you could? If I could afford it, I would move back to California. Temperate climate, we were right by the ocean, I loved it- except for the cost of living!
  
  
  9.  What is something you want to accomplish before 2013 is over? Lose 20 pounds and to get through these damn algebra classes without killing anyone!
  
  
   10. Who is your celebrity crush? Hmmm…. I guess I would have to say Nathan Fillion- he is so damn sexy, and funny. I bet he is amazingly cool in real life!
  
  
  11. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Shooing kids off to class as I left my part time job as a morning latchkey provider. 
  
  
     Questions from me to my nominees- you know- to stalk them better!
  
  
  1) Are you a Night Owl or Morning Person?
  2) What is/are your favorite book(s)?
  3) How many kiddos do you have?
  4) Why did you start a blog?
  5) What's your favorite junk food?
  6) What did you want to be when you grew up?
  7) If someone offered you $20 million dollars, but you had to give up one of your senses, would you? Which sense?
  8) What is your favorite movie? One that you will watch over and over and over?
  9) If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
  10) What is your favorite color?
  11) If it could be one season all the time, what would you pick? 
  
  
     
      and now MY PICKS for the Liebster Award- go check them out- they are awesome!
  
  
  Autism Sparkles
  Life With Legos
  The Mighty Mr. M vs Autism
  Dad v. Autism
  The Plucky Procrastinator
  Sooperdad Blog of Awesomeness
  PDD World
  Love That Max!
  Our Life in Pieces
  Me and My Professor
  The Neurotypical Mom
  
  
  Yep- pretty much all Autism related- but all wonderful blogs, and you should check them out!