New Year's Resolutions are for idealistic hipsters....

It's that time of year again. The time when we all tell ourselves (and everyone within earshot) just how dramatically our life is about to change. Of course it is. Of course we do. Just like we did the last twenty New Year’s eves. And how well did all of THOSE turn out? Many of us are fantastic resolution makers. Beyond that, not so good. The making, good. The doing, not so good.


January is the "official" start time for change. A new year, a new you and all that jazz-you know the story. But if you really think about it- shouldn't you be making changes all year long? Why the hell are you waiting till the end of the year or the start of a new year? If your life was screwed up before 12/31, its going to be screwed up going into the new year. "But this year will be different!" you are probably saying or thinking as you read this. I truly wish you the best of luck with that. I know for myself- making a "resolution" is basically setting myself up for failure- because NOBODY holds me to higher standards than me- so when I fail- I fail HARD.




Let's count my resolution failures shall we?

1) Years 2002-2010- Going to lose weight and get into shape and eat better (even joined a gym for 5 of those years- have you seen my fat ass?)

2) Years 2005-2010- Going to quit smoking (quit for 6 months in '06, and again for 4 months in '08. The rest of the year's, maybe quit for a couple of weeks maybe a month)

3) Years 2001- 2010- Going to stop "sweating the small stuff" (OK- I have relaxed a little more over the years)

4) Years 2001-2010- Going to work with my hubby to make and stick to a budget (We try, all year round- getting better, but still not there)




So yeah- the biggest resolutions most people make, are my biggest failures.Damn. It's kind of depressing. I have come to the realization that if you make a resolution you might as well throw a penny in a fountain and make a wish. It’s the same hopeful optimism that drives both activities. No "resolution" will work unless you have formulated a plan- written it down and gave yourself reasonable time to complete it. And I repeat- why didn't you (or I) do this earlier in the year? I have needed to lose weight ALL YEAR. I have needed to quit smoking ALL YEAR. I have needed to save money and take better control of my finances ALL YEAR. The changing of the calendar after drinking, eating and smoking to my heart's content is not magical in itself. If only! Then we would all be thin beautiful, rich non smokers and there would be peace on Earth yadda yadda yadda.


If I am going to try to better myself, I should be doing it year-round. It should be a constant goal, not something marked on a calendar. I know that these things need to start at some point, and what I need to do. I also know that falling on my ass and looking like a total schmuck and then beating myself up over my dismal failure is not a good strategy.


So despite an abysmal track record and a vast wasteland of shattered dreams, we continue to approach every New Year the same way; with the same pointless strategy. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome? So that must mean that a whole bunch of us are off our nut insane because that’s exactly what we do.


2013 hasn't been a horrible year- of course we had our setbacks, but there was a lot of good too. I'm still in school, The Mister is 3 classes away from his Bachelor's Degree (I am a year out- but hey almost there!), I got an amazing job as lead teacher and director of a great preschool, The Boy went away to camp for a week and we both survived, Teenzilla shaved her head for St. Baldrick's, (still blown away by that!) I got to meet Mary Tyler Mom at the shaving event- that was fantastic! I was a very loud advocate for The Boy and spread autism awareness like fairy dust all year, I got to watch a beautiful woman realize the dream of becoming a mom, to TWINS- I Want a Dumpster Baby has been a source of many smiles and happiness for me this year! I am pretty happy with 2013 for the most part, and look forward to a productive 2014.

I won't be making one single solitary resolution though. With the exception of those born on January 1, none of us are actually a full year older on New Year’s day. I challenge challenge everyone today to stop looking at the new year as a means to an end and to start looking at every moment as an opportunity for a new beginning. So eat, drink and be merry ,and just be just realistic, thankful, and hopeful.

Sorry Valentine's Day, I'm just not that into you...

I love, and I am dearly  loved, but Valentine's Day just isn't what it used to be for me anymore. No romantic dinners (unless you count eating the leftover heart shaped hamburgers the from the kids) no romantic evening out (unless you count running to the store together to buy wine), no declarations of endless love (unless you count the mumbled "I love you" as we roll over and go to sleep), no chocolates (unless you count the ones pilfered from the kids V-Day Party stash), no sexy lingerie (unless you count the one pair of underwear I can find that isn't falling apart, and of course my crippling low self esteem and endless stress about my doughy body)  no cutsey stuffed animals, (good!) silly "Sexy Coupon Books" (really, what are we, 20?) or anything that seems to go hand in hand with yet another mass marketed holiday.

Valentine's Day might have started as a day to celebrate love but nowadays it has become another day to force people to shop compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love. Don't get me wrong, I like gifts as much as the next person, but don't hold my hubby hostage to these "holidays" that are designed to make people feel like they HAVE to get something OR ELSE. I believe in love. But I hate to see how Valentine’s day has become another commercial festivity to sell flowers, chocolates, jewelry, cards with silly messages and stuffed animals. 

courtesy of sommecards

I’m all for doing fun stuff with my kids, and now that they are getting older, that is pretty much a thing of the past. No, now I get to hear my 14 year old Teenzilla go on about how Valentine's Day sucks, she doesn't have a BF and everything is stupid. I hear ya kid. It REALLY sucks to be a Freshman in high school, and watch all the commercial, contrived bullshit going on around you, and not be involved.   

I also hate to hear the competitiveness between women on Valentine’s Day. Someone bragging about their enormous bouquet of flowers, another one flashing the diamonds she got, while yet another one claims that her man really loves her because he never takes her out but tonight they are going to the best restaurant in the city. Doesn't she realize that it is only a Valentine’s Day marketing game, he never takes her out except on Valentine’s Day, and she is delighted. Poor girl!

Valentine's Breakfast 2012 

And contrary to the above, I am still a sappy girl,a romantic person, a dreamy girl who seems to have found her happily ever after. And when I say that I don't really care about Valentine's Day, people look at me like I am from Mars, assume I have a thoughtless husband, or think  I am just old to care anymore.  Most people do not understand how someone who is happy in a relationship doesn't gush all over Valentine's Day like a teenager experiencing their first "love". I am beyond all that. Not romance all together, but summing it all up in one day. I do fun little things, love notes in a lunch, sexy texts, favorite dinners, etc all the time. I may rev it up a little in February, but it's also my mister's birthday in February, so of course he gets a little extra attention.  

I have an ideal husband, who is a hopeless romantic and after almost 16 years, still tries to woo me on a daily basis. Work, school, and kids have made me tired, fussy and, well downright bitchy most of the time, and the fact that he still puts up with it is pretty damn awesome.  He doesn't ignore me until the 14th day of February rolls around and then attempt to shower me with romance and affection. I get Valentine's Day any time I want it, really.  And he is pretty damn lucky himself. I am not into jewelry, or expensive stuff, I am pretty low maintenance when it comes to gift giving. The only thing I DO ask, don't get me household appliances for V-Day. Any other gift giving occasion (well, except for our anniversary) is fine for those kinds of things. 

 If you feel like you HAVE to give me something, get me a bottle of my favorite wine, order out so I don't have to cook, and yes, heart shaped pizza IS acceptable or take me to MY choice of movies- NOT the new Die Hard either. Save that one for your birthday ♥

NOT a Valentine's Day movie

15 Wonderful, Crazy Years

Wow- so young, so naive, SO THIN!

Fifteen years of marriage. A drop in the bucket for some. A miracle in these hard times for others. It feels like forever, but it feels like only a minute. 

Somehow, we have made it work, but it has been a hard fought battle to hold it all together. I was convinced that after the first 5 years things would get somewhat easier. And while there have been wonderful, beautiful stars in our eyes times, there are still so many days that it feels like it's all an uphill battle. Days you feel like you have nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for, and this is all there is. But then the clouds break, the sun shines,  and it is in those small moments that you can really revel in the amazingness that is your marriage and the fact that you have held it together- and BREATHE. Then life crashes down on you again and you hold your breath waiting for the next break in the insanity. 

The Mister and I are so different-I am LOUD where he is quiet.  I am outgoing,and  love to be around people, where he is reticent and content to be at home. I like making new friends, he is content with high school buddies. I smoke, he doesn't.  He loves boats, I don't.  You get the point.  They say opposites attract, but DAMN!

Over  the last 15 years I have gained an appreciation for Star Wars, The Beatles, RPG's, Batman and other assorted comic book characters. He has gained an appreciation for going out and being around lots of people, for some of my music, and my love of kids and being a preschool teacher.  Our marriage has been like an intense learning experience/science project- and we both have learned and adapted.

He says sometimes I make things difficult. Of course I do. But in my head- it's not difficult, I am thinking "outside the box" and he has tunnel vision. So I could also say he makes things difficult. He is a RIGHT NOW kind of guy- as in- deal with things that are in this very moment- I on the other hand look down the road at the implications from whatever is going on in that moment. That is our biggest problem I think. His inability to look into the future, and my inability to not just fix one problem at a time- and not inventing more. We try to make the best of bad situations and enjoy the hell out of the good times. 


Here's to an amazing dad, a fantastic husband and the bestest best friend a girl could ask for.  I love you honey- let's work on the next 15 years ♥

We're not perfect. But we are perfect for each other. 

Happy Not Mother's...I mean Father's Day!

This weekend is Father's Day- and like many dutiful wives- I plan on letting my husband sleep in, will cook his favorite dinner and keep the kiddos as quiet as possible (I'm thinking movie day for us). What I will not do? Mow the lawn for him- since the ONE time I did he complained I did it "wrong" so he gets that honor all to himself.

 I NEVER know what to get him- usually his wishes are beyond our financial capabilities. I ALWAYS ask for peace and quiet, to be taken out to breakfast and to not have to cook or clean. If I get some actual gifts- well that is a bonus!

He doesn't do the "traditional" dad things- golfing, fishing, etc. so there goes my idea for cheap greens fees or an all inclusive fishing expedition from Groupon. I REALLY want to get him a new grill- even though he protests and says he doesn't need one (I beg to differ).  He has said something about a tow package for his Jeep- but I am severely impaired when it comes to his Jeep- and after looking online I have NO CLUE as to which one he would need...

I wish

Cool, huh?

What he did ask for was a bonfire on Saturday night with "The Boys"- complete with too much booze, long involved conversations about The Avengers, Star Wars and when he is going to make another movie. I am all for it- but don't necessarily look forward to nursing his hangover on Father's Day- but if that is what he wants, well, who am I to protest?

He was very good to me on Mother's Day- I got several things I had asked for but didn't expect to get. Now granted- we had tax return money then, and now we are really tightening the budget with me not working this summer- but I really want to get him something. I LOVE to give presents (he will say I love to spend money which isn't true...anymore!) and I love to see the look on my sweeties face when I get him something totally awesome and not expected.

Always a winner

So what's it gonna be? Crazy sex? Favorite dessert? (can be combined with crazy sex- so it's a two-fer!)  A pony? Beer of the month subscription?  A Stormtrooper helmet with voice changer?      I'm stumped. Pretty shameful after 15 years of marriage. *Le Sigh*

If I want to be TOTALLY unexpected

You are going to LOVE my kid!

Every parent does it- thinks that EVERYONE should love their kid like they do. I mean- MY kid is perfect- YOU should be bowled over by the cuteness, intelligence and all around adorableness that is MY kid!

How could you NOT love this kid?

I am no different.  Maybe I am pushier when it comes to the youngest boy child.When you have a  child with  Autism- you tend to be even pushier than the average parent in pointing out the "normal" things your kid does, trying to make sure people don't focus on his maddening ability to list and describe every, single damn dinosaur discovered as well as their eating habits, when they lived and died etc etc.

What I am trying to get them to focus on is his sweet disposition, his desire to make people happy, his wanting to please parents, teachers, friends and coaches.  He truly is the complete opposite of what most people think autism is like.I call him my little indigo child- I truly believe he has a deeper understanding of human nature - if he doesn't like you- then something is not right with you.  He loves hugging, he talks, he has empathy...and these are all things that kids and adults with autism supposedly aren't capable of doing. Many can't- that is a fact...but there are a lot who are able to show emotion, empathy and talk- and then you get to hear "Well, he doesn't LOOK autistic" comments. Good with the bad, it's how I have to look at things or I will have a stroke.

I was talking with one of the football dads and he said that all of the coaches talk about my boy- in a VERY good way. They all love him, they think he is the sweetest kid and they all want to help him be the best possible football player he can be.  I damn near cried...happy tears.

You see- it is  near impossible to NOT love my boy. And I say that in all seriousness- there is something  about him- people are drawn to him- he is quite adorable (ok- that is mommy braggin here) and if you can get around the stuttering and speaking in movie-ese (as we call it) then you are hooked!

His football coach adores him. And the boy thinks Coach is pretty awesome too. He is always in Coach's bubble, holding his hand ,being very affectionate. And as a football coach- he is striving to maintain the rough, tough demeanor that keep s a group of 35  eight and nine year old boys in line. So he talks to the boy about personal space.  Then the boy goes completely the opposite way and goes as far away as he can. Then Coach says- where ya at Barnsdale? And here he comes...

So now we work with him on ALWAYS being by the coach's side- minus the touching him. Just be there buddy. They all  love you as it is- show them that you wanna play and they will love ya even more. If that is even possible.

The boy's chosen spot. Right next to coach