Autism and Middle School- OH MY!

Starting the new school year can be tough on any kiddo. Transitioning to middle school is probably one of the biggest anxiety inducing transitions! Now- let's throw autism into the mix, and the challenges become more intense. Kids with autism usually have struggles with things changing, and a new school year is chock full of changes. New schedules and routines to get used to. New teachers, finding classrooms, finding lockers, having gym EVERY SINGLE DAY (is that just me?) , new educational and behavioral expectations, new rules for 7 DIFFERENT CLASSES!! Anxiety and stress are at maximum levels, meltdown probability  at 99-100%. PLEASEDONTLETITHAPPENATSCHOOL! ( I am already freaking out.)

On top of everything else- the change of seasons affects our kiddos, especially those who are very sensitive to certain types of clothing. School shopping has to be an exact science- but we all know it never is.  Middle school also means much less outdoor energy release, and much more indoor, have to sit, listen, and cope.  Gym (as much as I dread it) will be The Boy's only physical release opportunity- which sounds great- but gym is his least favorite class.  I am not counting on it to be a good way for him to get the much needed movement and exercise he needs to regroup. (Freaking out more now)

Although I try to keep bedtimes consistent throughout summer- it is a losing battle.  Not only will I have to get him adjusted to regular bedtimes again- he will have to get up earlier, eat, take his meds, get dressed and get ready- probably with ZERO TV time.... (I am seriously starting to hyperventilate).

Once they are at school, the sounds, sights, smells are all new stimuli that is very likely to put sensitive sensory systems into hyperdrive. (I need a drink).

What about the teachers that don't know how to work with an autistic kid?  We have had meetings, made sure a "Meet The Boy" letter was circulated, not to mention the numerous calls, and emails over the summer with concerns. But how is that all going to work out the first day, week, month?  (Somebody get me a glass of wine)

Yes, there are some positives, The Boy doesn't care about a new backpack, isn't too concerned with clothes, and will more than likely do well once he learns his schedule and that daily routine is established.  (Feeling a little calmer-maybe)

I wish I could say that the elementary school has well prepared him for the changes that are coming.  Working with him over the summer- I hope to have got him somewhat caught up- since he was never challenged in elementary school. Educational anxiety is the last thing he needs.... (PITA mom gearing up)

So here are are some things I have thought of- this is by no means everything, so  please comment with your tips and hints!  We have to stick together! 

Good Luck to us all!!!

Prepare yourself!!! A calm mom and dad are better able to help a child create a smooth back to school transition. 

Find or create social stories to help your child with any concerns about getting ready for and going to school. (Yes- even for Tweens and Teens!)

Re-set their internal clock! Early to bed, early to rise. (This will probably not earn you any points if you have a late sleeper- but we all know how erratic our ASD kiddos sleep patterns can be!)

Get a list of school supplies and put together a backpack WITH your child! They may have old favorites from the previous year- incorporate those if possible.  

Let your child pick out their outfit (with guidance if necessary), and lay it out the night before. By both of you working together to pick an outfit the night before, anxieties about “what will I wear” are reduced. Additionally, having the outfit picked out the night before speeds up getting out the door the next day.  (Tweens and Teens on the spectrum want to be cool and fit in, let them help with the clothes shopping!)

Put yourself out there! Make it clear to teachers and administration that you are available to answer questions and provide support for your kiddo. Make sure they have your phone number and email address and encourage them to use it!!  Be polite, but be firm, this is your kiddos education and you take it seriously, and you expect no less from the school.

Have confidence in your child’s abilities. They are smart,capable, and ready to learn, if given the right environment and right tools. Help make sure they have these tools and they will be the best they can be! 

WINE. LOTS OF WINE.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS FROM READERS AT Red Vines and Red Wine on Facebook

Jennifer R:  Make appointments with teachers/principal and get them into the school as many times as possible for an easy transition.

Lauren W: Don't wait till the first day to introduce new school shoes!!!! It takes mine about 2 weeks to like new shoes!!! Lol

Jess M: start talking about the coming changes and getting the routine started it will make it sooo much smoother to transition

The care and feeding of a 12 year old girl

Have you ever tried to really figure out the mind, thoughts or emotions of a tweenage girl? DON'T!!  Trying to decipher my 12 year old has me banging my head on the wall..literally. She is a moody, snippy emotional wreck most of the time. 

The rest of the time she is a funny, smart, talented girl who is a pleasure to be around..unfortunately that side is losing it's majority vote.  While she is not "officially" a teenager yet- she has been on the path since toddler hood. I knew from a very early age that my beautiful princeASS was going to be a headstrong, opinionated, confident ,young lady. Don't get me wrong. These are all good traits to have- but they come with a downside...a whining, eye rolling, foot stomping, door slamming downside.

Since beginning middle school my daughter has changed so rapidly- she grew 3 inches, got boobs, started her period and discovered boys.  Yes-boys. The hormones are strong with this one, and I am considering locking her in a cage or making her wear a chastity belt, or strapping her budding chest down with an ace bandage- any other ideas are welcome.

We are currently dealing with her first crush/heartbreak. She started liking this boy at the end of 6th grade. It was cute, awww..baby girl likes a boy. Harmless right? This young man was very polite and cute too. Unfortunately he is also dealing with some issues of his own, things I can't really understand and I know that my daughter- despite her mature facade- is incapable of dealing with. So her father and I said that it was to be a friends only relationship- telling her she was too young, etc. etc.  Summer went by- she was busy- I didn't hear anymore- that was the end of it right?

Recently I have heard some disturbing things from other friends and other friends moms. They are apparently a "couple" and she is head over heels for this boy. Something I was completely blown away by when it came to my attention. I stalk her Facebook and her phone and have seen no signs...what did I miss and when? I asked her about it- and my normally chatty daughter clammed up and claimed that they were friends and nothing else. I reiterated my rules- no dating, no boyfriends at 12 years old. We will revisit the topic later on down the road. 

Then came the first boy/girl birthday/movie party. This also caught me off guard as she never told me that boys were invited as well- one of them being THE boy. I spoke with the mom and they were going to be chaperoning so I let her go.  And again- I hear the very disturbing "She REALLY likes this boy" *sigh* Now I have to bring the hammer down and it's not going to be pretty.

So-  I sat her down to talk. I told her I didn't appreciate being lied to, and this was unacceptable and she is NOT allowed to have a boyfriend, she is only 12 years old and if I had to be a hard ass then I would.
Cue sobbing. Cue yelling  "You don't understand!"  Enter more lying as she tries to tell me he is just a friend. Not fooled little girl- those tears are not for a "friend"  Then there is me- pulling out the angry mom voice- telling her in no uncertain terms that this is to cease and desist immediately or there will be some very serious consequences.  Exit sobbing daughter- stomping up the stairs slamming bedroom door and cranking music up.  Dad looking completely shell shocked and me feeling like I was just run over by a truck.

This will certainly not be the last time we deal with such things but it has completely thrown me. After a couple of days of monosyllabic grunts and extra moodiness she is perking up again. The control freak in me is going crazy because while I can control what is going on at home, on the computer and phone and outings- I can't do that at school. So now I have to trust her not to lie to me- and that is hard. She's a kid, this is her first "love" I remember what that was like- it was wonderful, awful, amazing and terrifying.  I am watching her grow up- and let me tell you there is nothing more  frustrating  and scary  than being witness to your baby girl turning into a woman. But the transformation is not complete. She is still a little girl, whether she likes it or not and I intend on keeping it that way for as long as I possibly can.