Are we still in middle school? Parent cliques SUCK

Cliques are not limited to school playgrounds and junior high hallways.   They also appear at "back to school night", PTA meetings, sports, even drop off and pick up for school. One dirty little secret of parenthood is that it comes with a pecking order.  We don't leave cliques or peer pressure behind when we grow up or when we become parents. We just graduate to a new level with adults now playing the roles.

If you take an active role in your child's school or activities then you already know this can be  an issue. And just like a clique can be hurtful for a child, it can be hurtful for an adult. Even if you think you left all of that kind of stuff behind when you joined the "grown up world" it can still come bite you in the ass when you are least expecting it. 

It is often the loudest, pushiest parents who seem to be setting the standard on what it looks like to be a caring, attentive, involved mother or father. There is certainly no one standard of "correct" parenting but many adults behave like assholes while pursuing it.  This often becomes most obvious - and obnoxious - as children reach school age or begin extracurricular activities.  

Enter SPORTS. I have been a part of many groups since my kids started school. Volunteer groups, class parents, Girl Scouts, you name it , I probably volunteered for it. I was also teaching at a local preschool, so a lot of people knew me, or at least knew who I was. Then Teenzilla started cheer for the local little league. She had played soccer, and basketball, but never had I encountered such closed ranks as I did within this Football/Cheer organization. after her first year I became an assistant coach- and I loved it! Not only did I get to be around cheer, I was now part of this "Cool Kid Club" filled to the brim with doctors, lawyers, teachers and well known people in the community. The next year I took the head coach position and did that for 3 more years.

This year I am not coaching. I get to be a MOM. I get to watch The Boy practice and sit in the stands for ONLY ONE GAME!!  Teenzilla is all done cheering and is now junior coaching. It is so much more relaxing now at practice.   

But now I am a nobody. The coaches that I worked alongside, cheering victories and mourning losses act as if they don't even know me. I am just another parent at the field, and not a part of their exclusive club any longer. And it stings. I don't expect to be right in the middle of all the action anymore, but damn! To be treated like a virtual stranger, all of the time spent together apparently forgotten, yeah it kinda hurts.

I have tried to become as involved as I can so far- asking about helping the Team Mom and offering to fill in as a sub for the cheerleaders if one of the coaches has to be absent, only to be pretty much blown off. 

So be it. A chapter in my life has come to an end, more abruptly than I would have liked, but I did have a great time while I did it.I am beyond proud that The Boy wants to play again this year. One of the girls wrote an essay last year about a person she admired- and she wrote it about me..pretty damn cool! I made the decision to "retire" as it were, and now I will fulfill my mandatory volunteer commitments and call it good. I have made some good, true friends, and am very happy for that. I will be just as encouraging to all the players as I have always been.   And I will  be the loudest mom in the stands! 

Bittersweet Endings

Bruiser and The Goob

Football and cheer have come to an end. In more ways than one. Teenzilla is all done cheering for the Rec. League, and hopefully The Boy will want to play again next year. Teenzilla tried out and made her school competitive cheer team, but alas- she does not love the sport as much as I want her to, so she quit the team.

This first week after the season ends is always the hardest for me. Practice every night and games every Saturday is a grueling schedule, but it has been such a huge part of my life for the last 4 years that it is hard to come to grips that it is all over- done coaching, done cheering- and next year if The Boy plays, I will get to be just a regular mom, cheering on the kids from the stands. I am already considering how to get the coveted title of "Team Mom", which would mean I would still be in all the action, but there is a whole year, and a lot of mom's that I am sure will be eyeing the position..

Words cannot describe what an amazing season it was. Getting an autistic kid to play pretty much any sport is  a feat, getting mine to play football is a small miracle. He went to practice every day without complaint, never missed a game ( even though he stood on the sidelines for most of them!) got a few seconds of glory and had the opportunity to be coached by a staff of amazing guys who taught him so much.  He earned the Ironman Award- an award given to the hearty few who do make every game and practice, and that to me is more important than how many plays he got per game. He was there- learning to be part of a team, making friends and learning how to play full contact football.  He gave himself the nickname "Bruiser", another minor miracle, as he has always insisted on using his name, NEVER a nickname.  I am so very, very proud of his accomplishments, and hope that he means it when he says "I can't wait to play next year".


Now it's time to take a break before moving on to something else.  There is a program we are looking at for him called Mad Skillz, a program designed to improve on understanding, knowledge and skills of the game. He said he was interested- we shall see. I really do hope he wants to do it- and I really hope he plays again next year.

So nervous

Holding my breath

The cheerleading thing is what I am mourning.  I didn't realize just how vicariously I was living through my daughter until now. I wanted her to love the sport as much as I did, or at the very least like it enough to do one year of competitive cheering for her school. Not meant to be. She was upset that she even made the team  in the first place, and then, as we ended our youth league season, there was no break and competitive started immediately. Having taken a VERY heartbreaking loss at her final competition I truly thought she would want to keep going.  The schedule was just as busy, 2 hour practices including gymnastics 5 days a week, Saturday practices and competitions twice a week. Getting her to practice was going to be rather difficult, between my work schedule and The Boy's schedule there was going to be a lot of shuffling and running around. So for that, I am grateful I guess. But my dreams of watching her compete at different schools, learning different skills and being that crazy cheer mom in the stands are not to be. Coming to the realization that this was more for me than for her was a very harsh wake up. As much as she hates it- she always gave 100%, and was a GREAT cheerleader. Now it's time for her to be just as great at something else.

Teenzilla is an amazing kid- she is smart, talented and will excel at anything she does. She loves the arts. Music, theater- they are her passion. Now I will follow her lead- look for activities that she truly enjoys- and I will be a crazy theater mom, or whatever.  Her being happy and having fun will be my goals, and I will support her 100%.

So as I fold up all the football and cheer gear, the uniforms, the poms, the med kit and our trophy from last year, I am a little weepy. Silly I know, but once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader.

Football and Autism- can they mix?

After watching the boy practice this last Saturday I totally get why the Mister says it is painful. He seems to be trying so hard- for awhile anyway. Then he hangs back and hides so as not to get picked for certain drills. Drills where they are hitting. He is not a hitter. That would be a good thing under normal circumstances- but when playing football it is kind of a requirement.

He likes to run- he likes the physical exertion of it all- until it's time to hit. Personally I think he should be quarterback- everyone protects the quarterback and they don't have to tackle a whole bunch. But unfortunately he isn't much on throwing the ball, and he is just learning how to read plays... maybe a running back? If he stops running like a girl that is- and then all I can hear in my head is "Run Noah! Run!"  In my best Forrest Gump voice.

Right now-  I truly have to say I am so proud of his effort. We have just begun week 2 and he has yet to complain, has not whined once about getting ready to go- and believe me- getting him ready is an ORDEAL...cup, girdle (full of pads), pants, rib protector, shoulder pads and helmet- it is exhausting just helping him get dressed.

 In the last few years I have been so focused on writing, math, social skills and the like- I was floored the other day when I realized my boy is 9 years old and still cannot tie his shoes.  There have just been more important things to work on.  So now that, along with practicing taking his helmet on and off, snapping it, and wearing his mouth guard- he must learn to tie his shoes. No pressure boy...no pressure.

We had to have our first meeting with the coaching staff and the vice president of our league regarding the boy and his not wearing his mouth guard and keeping his helmet on. It is a safety issue and the coaches are first and foremost concerned with keeping the boys safe. So the vice president tells us he went out and found a lady who started an all autistic kids soccer league.  She gave them some pointers about things to keep the boy going. I was IMPRESSED. They went above and beyond and are wanting to help the boy learn the game, but stay safe. I got a little choked up to be honest- it was a wonderful thing and not something every organization would have done.

So week 2 has begun- and our first scrimmage is in a week. The first real game is in almost 2 weeks.   My little cheerleaders sound like chipmunks, and Teenzilla got a "solo" in her cheer. And the mister just told me the boy has been assigned as a tackle...we'll see how that pans out.

Surviving football- one week at a time

So the boy started little league football this week. To say this is monumental is an understatement. Team sports and autism don't always mix- at least for us thus far. But this week has been amazing for my boy.

Damn he is cute!

My first place girls last year!

Little League Football is GRUELING. 6 days of practice a week- 2.5 hours a day. In the heat. In full football gear (which I need a crash course on getting him in to..what an ordeal!) Top that off with me working 8 hours a day with 3 year olds and then coaching the freshman cheerleaders. Yeah- I am insane- but I love it.

I haven't got to watch a lot  of the boy practicing- getting it all via text from the mister during - since I am alllllll the way at the other end of the practice field with my adorable little cheerleaders. But  I do see him running on occasion and will yell encouragement- but I am not getting to see the bulk of what he is learning.

From what I hear- he is doing o.k  He is woefully out of shape and has not played an organized sport since our soccer debacle 4 years ago.   But hubby says he is taking coaching without shutting down, or quitting, and he does seem to be trying. "Chalk Talk" is apparently not his thing- and he zones out.   But he is still there- participating and developing skills and a sense of accomplishment I hope. And that makes my heart so very happy...

Every day this week- we have gotten home, had a few minutes of down time and then it's get dressed and to the field. He has not complained- he has not said I don't wanna go, he just gets ready and GOES.  And then there is whiny Teenzilla, "I HAAATTTTEEE CHEER!"  and her "team" of clique-y punk ass teen girls which makes me question my motives a hundred times and it is ONLY THE FIRST WEEK!

Today we got stuck in the clubhouse because of thunder and lightning and I had a minute to talk with the head coach... Coach "Z". He said he has hope for Noah- it IS only the first week, and he said he won't pull any punches- if after next week he doesn't feel like Noah is going to be able to hack it- he will tell us. But he also said he thinks Noah is a great kid and has potential- just like the other boys on the team. "Don't worry Coach" he said to me today...and while that is easier said than done - I have to say I do feel a little better.

My biggest worry is if he makes it to the first game- I will be  on the sidelines with my cheerleaders- RIGHT BEHIND THE BOYS! Talk about stress! And the fact that he is SUPPOSED to get 4 plays a half..Goddess help that coaching staff if he doesn't!

But I am getting ahead of myself..let's just see if he makes it to the first game. I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer- but it worries me. He is proud of himself- his dad is over the moon and I think with a little time he will really get this football stuff.  So that alone should get keep him going... pride in himself is the most important thing to me.

Now I just gotta get my mini cheerleaders in shape and keep Teenzilla on track. Oh and drag my ass outta bed at 4:15 A.M. every morning. And still be ON for my kiddos in all the between times.

Damn- there are still  9 weeks left.....I need a glass of wine and a nap.