Holy crap! My daughter is shaving her head!

You know a year ago, when my Teenzilla said she was going to shave her head for St. Baldrick's, raise money for pediatric cancer research, and in memory of Donna Hornick, I indulged her. As parents we all do this, our kiddos say they are going to do something BIG, or something CRAZY and we smile and humor them, knowing that the fancies of kids, especially teenagers are fleeting.

Now we are 5 days away from the shave event, and she has not wavered once. At least not out loud, or in front of me. Her conviction is strong, her ideals are overwhelming, and her passion is that which only teenage girls have.

But, until the other night, when talking to my dearest childhood friend, I had not thought about how I felt about it. Other than knowing without a doubt that I could never do it, I have only really felt fierce pride in my girl. But now it's stuck in my head, all the feelings that I have not even thought about. My baby girl is going to be BALD.  BALD. A part of me cringes at the thought of my very pretty daughter not having hair- I mean, isn't hair one of the ways how we females define ourselves. If we have a bad hair day, it really puts a damper on the rest of our day. If we get a bad cut or color, it really upsets us. Unfortunately, we live in a society that bases everything on how we look. If we are overweight we must be a slob. If we choose not to wear makeup we must be a hippie. If we do something out of the ordinary to our hair (like when Teenzilla went shocking pink) there are stares and judgmental asshats to contend with.  And being a teenager?? In high school?  Fuggedaboutit.

I have been told "I can't believe you are LETTING her shave her head. she is going to be teased so badly"  Letting her?? No- this is HER decision. This is not some whim of a fickle teen girl- this is for an amazing cause, something bigger than she is. It takes guts and heart to do what she is going to do. It's amazing, it's life changing, and not only am I "letting" her do it, I am her loudest supporter! But there is the part of me that is scared for her, and worries about any teasing or bullshit she will have to endure. She is a strong kid, a good kid, but I don't know if she has, or if she is even able to really process what going bald means. Aside from the amazing sense of doing something awesome that is.  I don't pull any punches- I have told her repeatedly, people are going to stare. People will make comments, and not all of them will be nice. She says "Bring it on". I hope that attitude stays intact- she's gonna need it. I am very nervous about the reactions, and most of all, how my girl will handle it. It's gonna be hard. Oh- and did I mention she is also in the schools Spring production of Cinderella?  Yeah- she is going to be in the spotlight- shiny bald head and all. Well- she will wear a wig...but still!

I have caught myself reminiscing about her hair when she was little, long, curly and beautiful. She cut it off in first grade for Locks of Love, and I cried. Not in front of her, and I cried not only because she cut off all her hair, but because even at the tender age of 6, she had a big heart. And....she wanted to have a haircut like Dora the Explorer! I have always been the mom who encourages trying different things, from wardrobe to hair. Especially hair, after all, it does grow back. And I can't say I have loved every hair decision she has made, but I raised her this way- and she is her own person- and a damn good one at that. I get compliments all the time, what a great kid I have, and what a great mom I am, having raised such a great kid. And I will take credit for raising her to be the way she is, but she deserves the lion's share- she is not a little girl, she is a beautiful, funny, smart young woman who made this choice all on her own.


Today, I had a comment on my FB page- and I just have to share:

A year ago Jan, I had to shave all my hair off for a brain surgery. My hair was to my boohiney, I braided it, cut those 5 thick, long braids off & donated them as well...as the clippers inched their way over my scalp, I felt a new me emerge! At first it felt like my identity was being stripped from my grasps, I felt naked, vulnerable & honestly, a little lost! I think it was harder on my best friends than it was for me! Then a saying came to mind as tears were streaming down my face "If you don't like something...Change it...if you can't change it...Change the way you think about it!" That's what I did, changed how I thought about it! I began to think of the process of the wigs being made, the ladies that would receive them (I had THICK, long hair so def made at least 2 wigs! ), how it would effect their lives forever & suddenly I had peace! Sure people stared at me where ever I went, women (most of them!) were THE worst & the men were surprisingly wonderful! I received A LOT of compliments & support! Im not sure why Teenzilla is shaving her hair, sounds like its just for donating it & that is plain AMAZING!! I want to thank you, as her parents, for raising such an AMAZING daughter!! Thank you! As I would tell myself, its just hair & it grows back! It did in fact change me, it strips you down to your core & thankfully I had been working on myself in order to become my best self before having to be naked, vulnerable & bald in front of the world, I was taught to be comfortable with WHO I am not the identity of my long, thick hair! Bald ROCKS!! Rock it out Teenzilla!! I will be bald agn soon, another brain surgery, you what tho! I GOT THIS & BRING IT ON!! P. S. she will be really cold, a friend made me the best beanie ever & it became my favorite accessory! Go beanie shopping before or make one with one of those knitting looms (WalMart $13) and she can pick her color of yarn! Rock it out Momma & Teenzilla! YOU got this & BRING IT ON! Much Love! -Nicole Johnson

While she is not donating her hair, the money she has raised, that all goes back to St. Baldrick's and the solidarity for those who don't have the choice to go bald or not- it's mind boggling to me. 

And once again, I have to thank the indomitable Mary Tyler Mom for sharing her beautiful Donna's story with us.  The sad reality that is childhood cancer, and the lives taken much too soon has a face, a name, a story, and is not just another sad statistic for us.  It's amazing how one family's story changed our perception in such a huge way.

Please check out the links here, about St. Baldrick's, about Teenzilla  and share!

St. Baldrick's
I'm shaving my head!
Rylee's Donation Page
Michigan's Team Donna's Good Things

Holding on to summer

The Boy is back at football. Teenzilla is coaching pee-wee cheerleaders. This signifies that summer is pretty much over for us.  But I am hanging on for dear life. I LOVE summer- especially when I don't have to work and can be home with my kiddos. I was just getting used to summer when I realized that it's nearly over. And it wasn't even a productive summer- a lot of hanging out, pool time and Nerf gun battles. I don't want to go back to the real world of hectic mornings, busy afternoons and flash by weekends.  I will also be embarking on the next phase of MY education- finishing my degree in Special Ed. It is definitely a big year for transitions.

When they were younger I was counting down the days until school resumed. I guess having a freshman and a 5th grader makes me keenly aware of just how fast time is going by- and these summers of hanging out with them are dwindling. If I needed any further proof- I just need to chat with The Twenty Something- the fact that he is a grown man still boggles my mind.

The bliss that most parents feel knowing that for at least 8 hours a day someone else is in charge of their kids is lost on me this year. I am only thinking of the reasons why I am desperately holding on to  summer.

1)NO MORE SLEEPING IN!! - Crazy mornings, getting everyone packed and ready- especially since I leave before the kids do, so dad is Team Leader. Rest assured- mom has gotten all of the important stuff done, lunches, library books, homework and permission slips all ready. His job, make sure they eat SOMETHING brush their teeth and get to school on time.  Simple, right? Probably, but my OCD is in overdrive, and my worry level is at DEFCON 1. The Mister does a great job, but a mom always feels she could have done better.

2)Back to school shopping- This activity fills me with dread. The Boy- he's EASY. But I have a 14 year old Teenzilla who is starting high school. The mere thought of walking around the mall being bombarded with offers to straighten my hair makes me want to hide. My Teenzilla has a very unique style- no Abercrombie or American Eagle...nope. We will be hitting Hot Topic where my ears can be assaulted with  heavy bass  DubStep and thrash metal, and trying to casually count all the piercings on the girl who is helping us. The fact that the store itself is narrow, makes me have to LITERALLY rub elbows with the unwashed masses...UGH.  And worst of all, trying to explain to my beautiful Teenzilla that our budget has been downsized (thank you car problems) seriously- where is my wine?

3)Piles of CRAP- You know, all the papers, notebooks, books, backpacks, never ending piles of CRAP that the little darlings bring home. It was mid July before I even got through LAST YEAR'S crap! Now I get to start all over. I have already received the first giant envelope full of shit to fill out for Teenzilla...My wine?

4)Extra Curricular Activities- In summer, things aren't really planned. We go somewhere if we want to, not because we have to (most of the time). Then school is back in session, and the HAVE TO BE THERE never ends. back to school night, practices, football games, rehearsals, PTA meetings, parties..it is endless. And while I am not one to over schedule my kids, there are still A LOT of things to get them to.  The gas money alone costs a fortune, especially with gas over $4 a gallon. I will be lucky to have wine money.

5)Pay for this, buy that, volunteer for something else- The amount of work I do writing checks adds up to a part time job, but not getting any money in..just sending it out. Music Boosters, PAT dues (our district is Parent and Teacher, not traditional PTA), school pictures, material fees, fundraisers. Then there is the volunteering. Class mom, car pools, field trips and on and on and on. And you are hardest hit in that first month- when cash is already tight and you are robbing Peter AND Paul to pay Tom.  Seriously, where is my wine?

6) IEP Hell- The joys of the beginning of the year IEP meeting. Finding out new and interesting ways the school is failing to comply with The Boy's current IEP, (or how they are going to try to slip bullshit past me) and the IDEA law interspersed with hyperventilated exclamations from me, especially as I am still not thrilled with how last year went.   Let’s face it, the entire process is extremely intimidating and nerve-wracking to a parent. And I am not one of those meek and mild parents. NOOOO! I am vocal and demanding- just call me PITA mom. This is my kid's education after all.  I try my hardest to work WITH the team- but damn- it feels like swimming upstream with weights on my legs.  WHERE IS MY WINE?!?

It doesn't matter how many reasons I have, time marches on, and the kids will be marching to the bus in a little under 3 weeks. Now is the time to start shooing them to bed earlier (THAT is a definite perk!)  cleaning closets, and making lists of all the essentials and trying to stretch the already stretched to the limit budget.  I have been doing this for a LONG time- you would think I would get better at it, right?

Ahhh- there is my wine. Cheers to Back to School, and the best of luck to all of us!

The one where Teenzilla meets her idol

Let's start with a brief summary of 13 (almost 14!) year old girls:

Complicated, unpredictable, independent, child-like, mature, opinionated, sweet, moody, and, as if that isn’t enough, they are also a raging mass of hormones and emotions and ideas and insecurities and talents and social challenges, sloppily wrapped-up in a body that no longer belongs to a child, but is still not that of a woman. And, oh yeah, they are super PRIVATE.

My Teenzilla is kind-hearted and sensitive. She does not have a mean bone in her body. She supports her family and her friends. She is strong and 100% committed to her values, even when wavering might appear to serve her better. She is honest.  She giggles. She loves Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe. She also loves Star Wars and Harry Potter and comic books.  She cannot stand to disappoint, herself or those whom she cares about. She is an old soul. (I know- sounds kind of new agey and all but she really is!)

He is adorable!

My Teenzilla has an idol. And like every teenage girl- her worship is profound. Nobody else has ever had these same feelings, nobody loves her idol the way she does..etc etc.  And of course- Mom just doesn't get it at all.  Which is quite untrue, I can well remember the days of my misspent youth- and the many "crushes" I had on celebrities, and how MY mom didn't get it either.

So when her idol- Chris Colfer- one of the stars of Glee wrote a book-The Land of Stories she was ecstatic. Dad pre-ordered the book for her and she all but camped by the mailbox waiting for it to come. When it arrived she disappeared into her room and stayed up until 2:30 A.M. reading it- and finishing it too!

Then she found out he was going to be a mere 3 hours away from us for a book signing and begged and pleaded and promised it would be all she would ever ask for (in typical teenage girl fashion). I did not look forward to it at all. I hate driving 15 minutes to the movies- much less 3 hours. To a different state. But, of course I said I would do it.

Plans were made- things were in motion- and then I found out we had to buy the book from the actual bookstore he would be at. Seriously? So guess what we did?  Yup- bought a second copy of the book.

The big day arrived and she was vibrating with excitement. We left the house at 9:30 in the morning. Mind you- the book signing wasn't until 7:00 P.M. that night. But according to the bookstore's Facebook page- we needed to get there early to pick up our pre-ordered book. So we sang, laughed, played the alphabet game, quoted movies like Wayne's World and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, talked about "The Colfer" (as I so cleverly dubbed him) and had a really, just awesome time.

Once we arrived- around 1:30 in the afternoon- it was just a matter of what were we going to do until THE BIG MOMENT! (Did I mention our number was 566 out of 600?) So we poked around the bookstore- the 32 ROOM BOOKSTORE!  (Quick shout out to The Bookloft of German Village in Columbus Ohio!), got something to eat, she changed into her costume and we got ready to get into line.

I have never seen her so excited. We were in the longest line EVER and she was chatting people up, talking about the book, and at one point had everyone around us singing Bohemian Rhapsody! (I was pretty damn impressed by that!)

As we got closer she was a bundle of nerves. She had spent 6 hours recreating the map in the book to give to him. She kept going over and over what she would say to him, kept asking me if my camera was ready, and then we were there.

I loved that this wasn't a Barnes and Noble store- where he would have been in a conference room of sorts. He was in a tiny little room- so she got to be pretty close to him. She gave him her map, and told him what it was, and told him he was beautiful and amazing and that she loved him. (Insert AWWW here)  His reaction to the map was great- he said "This map is amazing! Thank you! And thank you for dressing up!" I thought Teenzilla might vomit or pass out. She got her signature and we walked out.

His reaction to her map was priceless!

She lost it at that point. Typical teenage girl style- she started crying and laughing at the same time. I almost started crying just watching her. What an experience to be a part of. I was pretty impressed by Mr. Colfer myself, very personable, adorable, and SKINNY! I just wanted to give him a sandwich!

But the thing that really got me- was Teenzilla saying "No lights, no makeup, he's just a boy mom! He's real and cool and cute, and just a guy! He is so nice and easy to talk to!"  Which is exactly what her dad had said to her that morning.

All in all it was an amazing day. I was the best mom in the world, my daughter was the happiest I had ever seen her, and, don't tell anyone, I got a thrill seeing this adorable celebrity myself.

Thanks Chris Colfer for being such a positive influence in Teenzilla's life.  As idols go- you are a damned good one to have.

The art of shoe tying AKA Mom's own private Hell

Love the  concentration

The Boy will be 10 in a few weeks. And he STILL can't tie his shoes. I feel a shame akin to the sippy cup nonsense about this.  I have been working with him on this particular skill  off and on for the last 4 years.  When other more important things arose- shoe tying plummeted to the bottom of the list. I mean, in comparison to learning how to make eye contact, write (which is an ongoing battle) learning social skills, potty training (another drawn out nightmare), and then learning to ALWAYS use the bathroom, learning to dress himself, learning to feed himself, and basic educational things- shoe tying really wasn't that big of a priority. 

When he still wasn't tying his shoes by first grade, I got frustrated. I knew it was a life skill, I knew it was important, and I set my stubborn mind to it- I would MAKE him learn to do this. So I went out and bought the book the OT suggested when I brought it up to her- Red Lace Yellow Lace  and it is really neat. I would read it to him in a sing song voice until he memorized the rhymes- but refused to actually attempt to tie. I sang other fun songs when trying to teach him. I tried "bunny ears' and loop-de-loop and pull (thank you Spongebob!) but he would make halfhearted  attempts, or fixate on the rhyme or song, and then cry and run away.  I tried bribery, begging, threatening- taking a very neurotypical approach to a child who was not neurotypical. I got even more frustrated with myself, because all of the things I want OTHER people to understand about The Boy and his autism, I was losing sight of myself.  I am painfully aware of his lack of attention, his inability to focus for long periods of time, look at ME when I ask, watch what I am doing and then try to copy it. I was EXPECTING a typical kid response (having already been through this with 2 other typical kids) so it really came as no surprise when it finally dawned on me that these tactics WERE NOT GOING TO WORK WITH MY AUTISTIC KID! Duh mom....    


While it may seem like a simple task, tying your shoes is made up of lots of smaller tasks.And when teaching a child on the spectrum just about anything, you need to break it down into smaller chunks and perfect each stage before moving on to the next. Sounds daunting doesn't it? It is. This is how I taught him to talk, feed himself, dress himself (he still refuses to button pants- he puts them on buttoned) and everything else. So take the act of tying shoes, already a series of smaller tasks, and then have to break it down even further. It is seriously reinventing the wheel.  Did I mention that I am an impatient person?  And, well, Velcro is faster, period.  But the time is rapidly approaching where we won't be able to find Velcro shoes, and then he stands the chance of teasing because of it as well.  

This summer I promised MYSELF that I would teach him how to tie his shoes. This has gone on long enough, and he wants to play football again, and I don't want any issues with other kids when they see he can't tie his own shoes. He can't be out on the field and run to a coach or to his dad or I to help him. This is truly a life skill that he MUST learn- come hell or high water.  I know more, I have YouTube videos to watch, I have studied forward and backward chaining, I have a system that allows him to earn "screen time" when he practices tying his shoes and I have my determination. 


Today we had out first success- after 3 days of him fighting me and willing to not get that extra 20 minutes of screen time, I set an alarm and told him that as soon as it went off he was going to practice shoe tying with me for 10 minutes. He whined a little, but as soon as that alarm went off- he came and got me and said "Alright, let's work on this shoe tying thing"  I think all my harping finally got to him, he sounded resigned, but I was THRILLED! In 10 minutes he managed to get the first step down- using forward chaining*. Now come the loops, and pushing it through- *sigh* This is where the lack of fine motor skills really slowed him down. His hands were all over the place, and he tied his thumb and finger into the lace.  I could feel he was about to chuck the shoe and throw a fit- when he DID IT. It was sloppy and loose...but he tied his own shoe!   A giant bear hug and big kiss had him giggling and running away, and then of course asking if he got his extra screen time- but he did it!!

I made it through what felt like an hour long 10 minutes without raising my voice, getting mad or anything! I am going to go and treat myself to a congratulatory glass of wine!






*I have not used ABA very often with The Boy-I really feel like "shaping" is like dog training and my kid isn't a dog-  but these particular steps not only helped him, but helped me to teach him. Today was our first success in 4 years- and we will take it! 

1. Forward Chaining – begin with the first step of the task. Then teach sequential steps until they can perform all steps. This is a good method for children who have difficulty with sequencing and

generalizing skills.

2. Backward Chaining – demonstrate the entire task first. Repeat it, leaving out the last step for the child to complete. This method works well for children with low frustration tolerance or poor self esteem. It also gives the child early success.

Bring on summer vacation!

There are 8 days left until my kiddos are done with another school year.  8 days of wound up, distracted bundles of nervous energy to coax out of bed and get to school with minimal fuss.  8 days of lunches, finding backpacks, cramming for finals and end of the year parties. 8 days until I get my kiddos to myself for 10 wonderful weeks!

Yes- you heard me right! I am just as wound up and distracted as they are. I am NOT working this summer so I intend to make the absolute most of my time with my spawn.  Now- if you follow my blog at all, you might be saying- Hey! Wait just a minute! You wrote School is almost over. Please pass me my wine. and to an extent that still holds true. There will be the inevitable "I'm BORED's" and bickering that comes along with the kids being home, but I am ok with it this year. Stop laughing! I worked full time for the last 2 summers- and since I have been teaching for the last 12 years, that was a HUGE let down for me. Not being able to hang with the kids really bothered me.

As I blog hop, and hang out on Facebook, I see so many parents that really are dreading summer vacation. Finding stuff to keep them busy, keeping them from rotting in front of a television or computer screen, and, if you are monetarily challenged like we are, thinking up fun "Stay-cations" and cheap entertainment (now that's an oxymoron!) is a pain in the ass. Throw in Autism and now the challenges REALLY begin. I try to keep The Boy's schedule as "same" as possible. Later bedtimes happen, but I try to keep to the same time on them as well.. Anything major we might plan is discussed thoroughly and with plenty of time for him to prepare.   He has  no ESY (extended school year) so that frees up some time. There are 2 football camps he will be attending and  and one 8 week long camp that is 2 nights a week, so that will keep us busy for sure. Swimming at the local pool is also on the agenda, and, if I can get him interested enough- the summer reading program at the library. Add trips to the park and bike rides- and I have a nice chunk covered.

My tricky kid is going to be Teenzilla. She will be a big lazy blob if I let her. And she will be my biggest complainer too. Trying to find stuff to do that works for a 14 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy is interesting to say the least. Most of her friends travel in the summer (must be nice) so she is on her own a lot. She loves hanging out with me- when we can go to the mall, to a movie she likes, etc.etc. But again- that age difference is a killer at times.  She loves the library, so I foresee a lot of time spent there. She and her dad have mentioned something about building a hovercraft (no, I am not joking) this summer. I am sure there will be a couple of trips Up North, lazy days on the pontoon boat, swimming, fireworks and ice cream for breakfast.  We will have a Girls Day Out for her 14th birthday, and I am sure to feel a little bit teary when she leaves for her first day of high school this Fall.

None of this really matters to me though. I get to spend the summer with my kids. I love being a mom, and there will come a day when they will all be out living their own lives-(one of them already is!) and that is  just what I am raising them to do. For now, they are still  my babies. And the excitement of longer days, no homework, staying up later and making s'mores around the backyard bonfire will diminish. There is no way I want to look back and say- Damn, I wish I would have spent more time with my kids.

So bring on summer vacation! Yes, we will be broker than usual. Yes I will most likely bitch about it at some point. Yes they will drive me bonkers on some days. Yes, I will probably have a wine opener in my back pocket at all times.  I.Can't.Wait!

Up North ROCKS!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa:

I won't say I have been necessarily GOOD this year- but I certainly haven't been BAD either. I gave of myself, my time and talents, and there are just a couple of things I would like for Christmas- if you can swing them that is.


1) Family members that pick up their own crap- without being told 10 times.

2) The student loan money I so desperately need so I can finish this damn degree and start actually making real money in a career I love

3) A successful weight loss plan that doesn't involve hair falling out stress or illegal drugs. 


4) My husband to stop asking me what needs to be done around the house. YOU LIVE HERE!!! FIGURE IT OUT!!!

5) Teenage daughter to stop destroying the 5K I invested in her mouth by not wearing her retainers. 

6) Same teenage daughter to stop being so against showering and cleaning her room.

7) (nearly) 21 year old TO MOVE THE HELL OUT!!  

8) 9 year old to finally learn to tie his shoes. Autism, schmautism  he CAN do it.

9) Asshole neighbors to get their illegal landscaping leveled so my back yard won't rival Lake Michigan this spring. 

10) Extended family to stop treating us like lepers and actually hang out with MY kids once in awhile- without us having to resort to begging and planning a year in advance. 

I know you are busy, and a lot of folks are asking for a lot of things. This list is in order by priority- so let's just say Top 5?  I get screwed every year for my birthday and Mother's Day- so it would be nice if I could be recognized this year.  Just a little- I mean Christmas is all for my kiddos- and I don't want to steal their thunder- so just a wee bit- ok?

I made some pretty awesome cookies for ya- and screw the milk- I am leaving a bottle of my favorite wine for you this year. Just don't drink too much and ...ummm... sleigh?

Love,
D.

He said - She said ( but she was right!)

Today I will feature  my first guest blogger- the one and only, Dad v Autism. OK, OK....I am pretty partial to him- I do sleep with him every night ( and I do mean SLEEP- just ask him!) but he truly is an amazing writer, a terrific, hands on dad and an amazing person.  Enjoy!

Dad v. The Differences

I am very honored that my wife, the Cheerleader, has asked me to write something for her blog.  She is much smarter than me and looks a thousand times better in a bathing suit than I ever will.  She is an incredible advocate for Noah and she’s an awesome mom in general…and I happen to be pretty attracted to her too.

And, don’t tell her I said this, but as much as people think I’m kind of a smart guy…she’s smarter than I am.  She won’t admit it…but that’s just another aspect of why she’s smarter than me.

I’m not a good mom…and it’s not just plumbing differences.  It’s all about the differences in attitudes that we have.  It’s about the differences of what I see and what she sees.  I think it’s a fundamental difference between a large percentage of men and women.

She thinks about the children.  I think about the family. It sounds the same, but it is fundamentally different. 

The difference is in big picture vs the reality of the now.  It’s about dealing with the individuals in our family vs the family unit as a whole.  It’s long term vs short term too.  She worries about the children’s needs as individuals more than I do.  I worry about the needs of the family moving forward more than she does.  She is more empathic and I am more analytical.

The children run to her when they are hurt or upset, because she is more comforting, more understanding…most of the time they are running to her because of something I said…

I can look at a set of numbers and plan out the next twenty years of our life…she can look at those same numbers and ask, “But what about food?  Do you plan on having Christmas this year?”

Sometimes I think her views are short sighted.  She thinks my views are impractical because they do not deal adequately with the problems of today.

There are pros and cons to both of our views and neither view is more valid or important than the other.  In point of fact, both views are complimentary to each other.  They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

In respect to money, we have tried my way and it has turned out to be an abject failure.  When we tried it her way, things weren’t a whole lot better.

Now we need to try it OUR way.  We need to collaborate with each other.  We need to compliment each other’s strengths and hide our weaknesses.  We need extol each other’s accomplishments and achievements and we need to comfort each other when we make mistakes.

I know we can do this.  Why?  Because we’ve raised our kids and we’re proud of them…and money doesn’t talk back nearly as much as they do.

Debt is a plague in this country.  It is a soul devouring juggernaut that the media pushes on the public with unrelenting zeal.  We are constantly told that we NEED a new car, 90 days is the same as cash, and the world can be yours with zero money down.

The truth is you don’t NEED the new car, 90 days is NOT the same as cash and the only thing zero down gets you is a world of debt, pain and suffering.

The Cheerleader and I are going to get out of this together.  We are going to compliment each other’s strengths and cover for each other’s weaknesses.  We are a team through thick and thin and, the way things have been going lately, even more thin…hopefully someday soon we can get back to the “thick.”

And you can too.  How do I know this?  Because most of my readers are parents just like the Cheerleader and I and there’s nothing in the world that brings them more pride than their children.  Why?  Because we’ve done a damn good job raising them and they are so much more trouble than money…

I thought I would look better in her costume- glad I went with the Doctor

So good luck to you…and if you’ve got a sec, wish us good luck too.

And this is why I cry in the car sometimes...Damn

Damn

This was at football practice...Friday I believe. Look at the 3 boys in green...ALL looking at my boy- while he stands apart from the pack. *Sigh*  

He IS trying- his coaches are awesome, he goes to long ass practices wearing all of that equipment without a struggle or even a whimper. I am so proud of him- no matter what - he is my MVP and always will be. 

It's pictures like this that drag me back to reality- a reality with Autism- and no matter how much progress he makes- he will always be "different". I celebrate his uniqueness every day- but that is not to say that somewhere deep down ( and sometimes not so deep down) I just wish so bad that he was "normal"

Whatever the fuck normal is anyway...

He has now completed 2 weeks of practice- this is the "make it or quit" stage- and he made it. His scrimmage is next week and the first game is on  September 10th. I know he is third string and won't get much play time (well  he gets a guaranteed 4  plays per half, them's the rules)but I hope that the first game gets him deep down where that passion is- that same passion for dinosaurs he has. He would be absolutely unstoppable at that point!

I posted this quote on my Facebook page, Red Vines and Red Wine the other day:

Never disourage anyone who makes progress, no matter how slow. You cannot do good unless you feel good. When you are serene, relaxed and enthusiastic, you are also more productive, creative and dynamic.  This is something that has been proven time and time again yet we consistently get caught up in the apparent immediacy of our routine and fail to see the forest for the trees. 

Pretty damn profound don't ya think?  Our coaching staff is patient,( oh so patient!) and works hard at making ALL the players feel good.  Today he had a GREAT day...and even though he dropped the watermelon in the watermelon drill- he worked his ass off- got high praise from the coach and led the boys in the end of  practice cheer.  So- no crying  in the car today....let's see what next week brings.

The melon was cracked and slippery- he still got it across the field- and coach was videoing it too!

Different or just weird?

This is the question I ask myself about Noah pretty much daily. How are other kids going to react to him? He does and says some pretty strange stuff.  Strange if he was a "normal", "neurotypical" kid without the extra dash of autism anyway.  But Noah is just so Noah...and his little quirks and things are so "normal" to me now that only when I am around him and other kids NOT on the spectrum do I see the glaring differences.

See Noah looks just like these other kids, he plays just like these other kids- but the rules of conversation and interaction just don't apply to him.  Noah is "Invisibly Autistic"  because he can't be distinguished from a group of other 8-9 year old kids until he talks. Or bows from the waist. Or attempts to kiss a girls hand.  

I worry, when he begins his new school journey in the fall- how will the other kids react to him? I mean-   he does not have Downs Syndrome or a more apparent disability.  He comes across as a much younger child and at times a very odd one as well. Autism is so hard for a young mind to grasp because it is not concrete- it doesn't LOOK different. Therefore- an autistic person's behavior is "weird" and the chances he will be bullied increase ten fold.

Even for the friends that know Noah very well his behaviors can be confusing. . He is a happy kid and he wants to be their friend, but he does things differently, far different than how they have learned.  Sometimes it is a breakdown in communication- his conversational skills are limited, but it's more like putting a square peg in a round hole- it's not gonna fit. He does not exhibit age appropriate behavior all the time, but then there are times he seems mature beyond his years.

We talk to him often, tell him to slow down, stop and think about what he is saying, explain why hugging everyone is not always appropriate, use his own words and not the words from a TV show..this one is rather funny because when we say that he will tell us "Those are my words" and he means that because he SAID them- therefore they ARE his words... the literal side of Autism- it's black or it's white- no in between.

Dad says Noah knows he is different- but I disagree- I seriously think Noah thinks everyone else is different. So trying to explain why there are people who just don't know HOW to be his friend is very difficult indeed.


But what doesn't seem to bother him at first comes up much later- he holds onto it somewhere and then remembers  it at a later date. Case in point- talking about going to cheerleading practice last year with me, and the bullies he encountered there.  I said- buddy- you are going to be playing football- you don't have to worry about any bullies. To which he replied.."OK- but what if they are mean football players?" *sigh*

Tackle Football and Autism

Lucky # 50

So we did it- the hubby and I have Noah signed up for football.  The  mister has been looking forward to this day since it was made painfully clear that the oldest  boy was most emphatically NOT a sports oriented kid.  Having watched my girl in cheer and coaching cheer myself- I have got to see a lot of the little league games and I have been getting pretty excited to see my boy out on the field.

Of course I am cautiously excited- practices are brutal and Noah isn't known for his patience.There is A LOT of running, and sometimes they get yelled at. It's par for the course. We are doing our best to prepare him for this- and will be on hand at practices to help with any issues that might come up.

This will be our second attempt at a team sport- the first was soccer 3 years ago and that was a disaster. He didn't understand why he couldn't have the ball all of the time, complained that his feet were too hot and had at least  1 meltdown where I  had to carry him off the field.  That was not fun.

So we decided that he was too young  for an organized sport at the time. We then signed him up for Tae Kwon Do- a physical activity that also provided opportunity for developing social skills, plus it teaches discipline and patience. He was very successful, but his coordination was still not the best and as it got harder he got more frustrated. Cub Scouts began and that interfered with Tae Kwon Do so we took a break. He had earned his Blue stripe and we planned on returning. That is until it came time for football sign ups.

When the idea of football comes to mind, many parents cringe at the idea of their kids being out on the field playing what’s viewed as such a dangerous sport. Possible injuries to  already sensitive kids are scary challenges parents of autistic kids are faced with. Organized sports, especially contact sports are something most parents of autistic kids would rather just not do. But, just as any sport is beneficial to those without neurological disabilities, they can be just as beneficial as those living with them. The trick is finding the right "fit" I believe. Noah will be starting on a team with boys that are all first year freshmen players, with a great coach. Everybody  knows him, and knows about his autism and there is a level of excitement that makes me feel a little less worried.

As with any sports activity, football is very physical, and while there is a possibility for injury the kids are padded up, put through intense conditioning and have experienced coaches to help them to avoid injuries. That's not to say the first time my kid is in the middle of a pile of other kids I won't be freaking out.

Football has also been proven to be a healthy way of improving motor functioning, behavior skills, and social skills in kids with autism. Some aspects of football may pose a challenge for many such as coordination, socialization, or lack of motivation. But with good coaching and clinics that are offered, most kids should be able to participate and experience success.

So wish my boy luck. Conditioning begins in a few weeks- and in the mean time I am sure dad will be playing with him in the yard.

FIRE UP BIG RED!

GIYRA

Must love dogs...well screw that!

We have NEVER had good luck with a dog. Either they were dumb as rocks, or runners. Hubby always wanted a big dog- but we never had the right kind of yard for a big dog.  We have gone through several dogs- including a litter of puppies we found dumped by the side of the road that we ended up taking to the the ASPCA.  When we found out Noah was autistic- I immediately wanted to get a dog- especially after hearing how amazing a pet was for children on the spectrum. We had a cat- (which by the way- I ADORE my asshole cat- as do the kids) but I had researched and thought a dog was the way to go. So I went to the local shelter and found a big ol Shepard looking dog- absolutely beautiful, full of energy and sweet as could be. I immediately adopted him and brought him home. 

We called him Fozzie- and for the first couple of months he was wonderful. We had him "fixed" right away- as it would supposedly calm him down....HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! He then started bolting for the door- and he knew exactly which person in the house he could get by. He knocked my poor Noah down so many times I truly started to hate him. We lived with that crap for a year before I said that is enough. After SEVERAL attempts at finding a good home- including utilizing a rescue society, we finally took him to the humane society. I truly hope he found a good home- I never tried to find out.  

 I declared our house dog free, and the hubby agreed. Until about a year later when he decided we needed a puppy. After looking at several pictures of beagles (we both wanted one of those) and bassett hounds (love them too) we ended up with a cute little ball of fuzzy, fluffy puppy my husband christened Jack. He was sweet, and cuddly and adorable and I loved him- as did the kids.  We discovered early on that we could not afford Invisible Fence for our huge yard- that should have been warning #1. Then financial woes really set in- and we didn't have him fixed. Warning #2 that this was NOT a good plan.  Now that he is 2 years old  the cost has gone up considerably and I have washed my hands of the whole thing. This is my husbands dog..NOT MINE.  Now he bolts the door. Not as much as the last one did- but once is more than enough for me. Oh- and he sheds- giant clumps of hair when he blows his coat twice a year. Fucking gross. Oh- and he digs- giant holes where I USED to have some flowers...hubby will not fill them in and now I cannot have even one or two flowers (which is more than enough because I am not much on gardening either.)

Sp- if you haven't figured it out by now-I am not a dog person. Dogs  are drooling, shedding, noisy pains in the ass that screw up dinner parties (because I have so many of those) chew up your favorite shoes,put kinks in vacation plans, jump on you with muddy paws screwing up the nice outfit you just put on, knock down the small neighbor kids and make them cry, jump all over anyone who happens to walk up your driveway.....you get the point. 

Sure- little balls of fluffy puppy are a-freakin-dorable...  as is just about anything in baby form- it's the grand scheme, but those a-freakin-dorable balls of puppy fluffiness grow into yapping, shedding, drooling eating machines and you have to be a very patient person to make sure you don't end up with a damn Cujo.I am not that person. I do not want to always have to be checking my clothes for dog hair, or apologizing to any guests that might come over for the dog jumping all over them ( oh and don't even get into training with me- I tried EVERYTHING to get that damn mutt of my husbands to not jump up- short of 1000's of dollars on training.) watching the door to make sure the little fucker doesn't run away- causing ME to be completely inconvenienced and have to go to doggy jail and pick him up.

So I have issued an ultimatum- and I hate to do that- it's controlling and unfair- but in this case I feel it is necessary- it's either get rid of the damn dog ( and don't tell me to do it- it's your damn dog- you deal with it) or you go- and take the dog with you. The straw that broke the camel's back? Yesterday- Memorial Day. A beautiful dinner cooked and ready, planning on a sit down with the family with a trip for ice cream after- Noah lets the fucker out. So instead of sitting down with us and eating- hubby goes after the dog. It's 6:00 already- I do not have time for this shit. So instead of a nice dinner at the table- it's kids in front of the TV and me standing in the kitchen pissed off.  I will not be ruled by a four legged nuisance.

And before I am completely villified for disliking the whole canine species- let me say that dogs have many great uses- as service animals they are amazing- if Noah was severely autistic I would definitey be more open to the idea of a service dog (big difference here- LOTS of money and a shitload of training). Those who own and love dogs- good for you! I don't- I never will. I do not abuse animals, I absolutely despise anyone who hurts defenseless animals. Please do not confuse my not wanting to own a dog as cruelty. The dog in our house is fed well, and taken care of.

So- anybody want a smallish Shepard mix dog that needs to be fixed?  He is house trained and good with kids...just get him the hell outta my house!

Hey Jealousy...

So I started this blog stuff  going on a year ago now. I had no idea what I was doing- I was just reading my friend Nikki's blog (OMG- READ IT  Moms who Drink and Swear it will change your LIFE!!)  Wait- where was I? Oh- so I was reading her blog and it made me snort laugh, it made me think, it made me cry- it was amazing. I could do this I thought to myself. I mean- a blog is basically an online diary that you let the world read, right? Worst case scenario #1 your life is as boring as watching paint dry. Worst case scenario #2- you are so interesting you gain creepy stalkers that force you to get a new identity.  Best case scenario- you are funny and witty and down to earth  and have a good angle and you gain readers, and friends. Hopefully you get a much needed cathartic outlet and maybe  help some others on the way.

So my angle is Autism.I live with Autism, I figure I am damn near an expert (in my life anyway) and I have a lot to say. I have gotten so many emails and comments about my blog. People telling me their story with Autism, people asking me questions, giving me advice, laughing and crying with me- the networking has been fantastic.  While I know I am not alone out there ( 1 in 90- not even close) through my blog I have heard some stories that are so close to mine it blows me away.  I have also got some wonderful advice from parents who have dealt with or are dealing with some of the challenges we are- and for that I am so very very grateful.
I have been a wannabe writer most of my life. From short stories to poems, a few things published here and there, I think I am pretty good at getting thoughts put down on paper that make sense and make others want to read them. I have been in the process of writing a children's book for...well...let's just say awhile now. I have a pretty original idea, my oldest son said he will illustrate it for me and the children's book market seems easy enough to break into. I mean if Jenna Bush and Terrell Owens can do it- I can too! But for now I am happy with my tiny little piece of the blogosphere.

My husband is a published writer- 3 books plus numerous short stories and a screenplay. He has been blogging as well for awhile now- mostly sports related- he is The Struggling Sports Reporter and loves to torture himself writing about the Detroit Lions.  To distract other misbegotten Lions Fans, he posts pictures of hot cheerleaders too.

He recently started a new blog- Dad vs. Autism- his view on our son's autism and the effect on our lives. It is VERY good.  He is an amazing writer- and yes I am slightly prejudice- but that notwithstanding- he is very good. He is funny, smart, witty, and gives a perspective  of a special needs DAD- which is just wonderful.  You hear so much from the mom- usually about all things to do with child rearing but throw a special needs (of any kind) child in and it's pretty much the mom's you hear from and about. 

He sees things in a drastically different light than I do. He is a perpetual "the glass is half full" kind of guy, whereas I am  " the fucking glass is broken"  kind of gal. So when I first began reading his blog- I was wonderfully surprised at his perspective- I wrote about it- Where have you been? and while I still feel the same- now I am starting to think that I will be taking a back seat to his obviously superior writing...again.  Please- don't misunderstand-  I am proud to be the wife of such a talented guy- I am excited and proud of his blog. But this was MY thing. He was the sports guy- and while I passed him around like the slutty girl at school with his Struggling Sports Reporter blog,that was a specific niche- his blog now is for ANYONE. And he has gained a hell of a following.

The green eyed monster has reared it's ugly head- all of the people that were reading my blog now can't get enough of his. This IS a great thing- but I was happy to have something that he was a part of- but it was still all about me. And I am an attention whore. I LOVE it! I like being on stage,the center of attention all of that shit.  I like to think that I am gracious and not a insufferable bitch about it too...and if that is not true- just please don't tell me, m'kay?  

And just the simple fact that I KNOW I am jealous makes me feel like an asshole. I don't have all day in front of a computer to write about everything I would like to. I wrangle 3.5 year olds all day and spend 1.5 to 2 hours on the road and then come home to be wife, mom, maid, 3rd and 8th grade teacher, laundress, and referee. When I CAN get on the computer I am so tired I can't think. Blogging? Shit. I am lucky to be able to drag my ass to bed.  His readership is climbing, his blogs are getting even better and while I am still bursting with pride and my heart is so happy when I see him light up like Christmas when he gets a ton of hits- that nasty jealousy bug continues to buzz in my ear.

He keeps saying it's not a competition- and I know that- but I still feel overshadowed by what I perceive as his superior writing. I read a TON of blogs now- and I know that I am in no way a Pulitzer winning writer- but it doesn't bother me. I guess this close to home it's different.   I will make an effort to get out there more- try to write at least once a week- and hopefully I can stay interesting. In the mean time- I will pimp my mister out- because he is awesome. And I want everyone to know he belongs to me.

Damn, I wish I'd have done more Kegals...

I have fucking bronchitis. I get it EVERY damn year- but I had thought I might have skipped this year. Nope. Throw in a new job teaching the snot nosed germ encrusted hope for the future and a week from hell- I guess I was prime for sickness.  Now as I am sure you know- bronchitis causes ridiculous coughing.  Add in the fact that I smoke (yeah, yeah- save the speeches- I know) and the coughing is keep me up all night, annoy the hell out of family and friends, and make me sprint for the bathroom so I don't pee my pants kind of coughing.  And I curse myself for not doing my Kegal exercises.

If you have had kids , hell, even if you haven't I am sure as a female you have heard the term "Kegal exercise" if you don't know what it is read up on it here.  OK- now that you know what they are you can keep up. Your pelvic floor needs no super special attention- no landscaping or anything, which is the good news,but apparently it is very very bad news is if you don't take care of it by doing your Kegels, You might very well find yourself peeing when you laugh, sneeze or in my case- cough like a plague victim.  The REALLY bad news?  Your uterus/bladder could LITERALLY fall out of your vag...a vaginal or uterine prolapse. This is serious and would require surgery to put stuff back. So avoiding that is a good idea.

Apparently I have been doing them somewhat wrong- I use my butt and belly muscles too much. So I did some research and have found something very interesting. Ever hear of  Ben Wa Balls? Yup- a sexual aid but also apparently a fantastic Kegal exerciser... who knew? These weighted balls, when inserted into your va-jay jay, will let you know if you are using the correct  muscles, otherwise as soon as you stand up the ball will fall right out. Explain THAT to the nosy kids/husband/neighbor!  After some time and practice rebuilding those muscles you can work up to being able to not only stand and hold the balls in, but walk around apparently. I have NOT tried this- I just researched....so if you choose to do this and you get all cocky and try to go to the PTA meeting or the kids soccer game and they fall out- DO NOT BLAME ME! The ben wa balls are apparently the gym for the pelvic floor muscles- think of them as the free weights. Just like at the gym- you don't want to drop them- everyone will stare. So do this in your locked bedroom, or bathroom would be my advice ( that I intend on following..maybe)

And apparently- they can't get lost in there either!! I could just see me explaining to the emergency room doctor how THAT happened... but because they are weighted the chance of them getting stuck is pretty remote. I am gonna wait to see if one of you does this and then relate the gory details- I am a serious chickenshit. 

Excuse me while I cough up this damn lung...oh shit! I have to pee!!!

The week from HELL is finally over...but there is always next week to worry about

I have had an unusual run of good luck lately.  After a year of no job leads- I had three offers within two weeks. One worked out and I am back doing what I love- teaching the munchkins! The oldest kiddo got a job (FINALLY) , sailing season is starting up and hubby is excited. Everybody is happy, and mostly healthy.  I should have known that this was too good to be true.

My Chicken Little senses were telling me that this was going to well, something was gonna rain on my parade- but as my mom and grandma always said- "Don't borrow trouble" so I ignored that "The sky is falling" voice and just let myself be content. WRONG MOVE.

This last Monday I was on my way to work- the second week of my new awesome job. I was actually on time- hell I was early so I was jamming to some Lady Gaga and just cruising along. Then- out of nowhere- the driver in front of me slams on her brakes in the middle of an intersection I was entering just as the light turned yellow. I remind you that I was not rushing, not in any hurry, not on my phone, not smoking and not fiddling with the radio. 

It all happened in slow motion- that is no lie- when people say that- it is true. I swerved, hit the brakes and then slammed into the back of this person's car- watched the back window shatter and my hood crumple up like paper. Time stopped- I could hear someone saying "oh shit oh shit oh shit" and realized it was me. I was immediately aware I was still in the intersection and drove my car into the gas station on the corner. The other car had not moved. It felt like I was underwater- I couldn't hear right,  but my vision was in hyper focus.

I immediately called my husband- NOT 911 mind you- my husband. He is ALWAYS the one I call when something is wrong- he is "the fixer". He said he would be right there and then told me to call 911, which I did. The cops showed up almost immediately- ambulances too. The other driver had not exited their car yet. It was starting to dawn on me that they might be seriously injured and it was my fault. The police officer came over and asked all the usual questions- was I hurt, did I know my name, license, insurance registration. I asked if the other driver was ok. He said not to worry- just worry about me for the moment- the paramedic would be over shortly to check me out.

The paramedic came over- asked me what hurt- took my blood pressure- looked in my eyes with his little flashlight, asked me if I knew what year it was, felt my neck, asked if I hurt again (which I didn't at the time) I asked him about the other driver- he said don't worry. Now I really was terrified. At about that time my husband showed up. That is when I saw them open the back doors of the other vehicle and I lost it. There had been kids in the car- holy fuck I just hit a car with kids in it! The police officer had returned by that time and I was damn near hysterical- he said- No, no- there were no kids...calm down.

The other driver (a woman too) was complaining of neck and back pain and wanted to go to the hospital. Then I saw her being put on a stretcher with the neck brace and all. Again- panic bubbled over and my husband  said- it's ok- it's procedure- the cops and the paramedic asked me if I needed to go to the hospital- I said no, I needed to go to work.

Yes. I went to work. Working with 3.5 year old children is a physically challenging job- and I had just rear ended somebody going about 35-40 miles an hour and I was worried about the new job. We got all the particulars worked out and my husband asked me if I was sure about work. I said yes- so he took me.  My bosses were also very surprised to see me- and asked if I was ok to be there- I said yes. And weirdly- I was... probably the shock and all- but I didn't want to be anywhere else but at work.

So now let's fast forward a little- I made it through my day- hubby picked me up from work and I started crying- we were going to be getting home after 7:00...the kiddos needed to eat and do homework ( I am VERY anal about dinner time - it HAS to be no later than 6:00 on weeknights)  and I was sore and sad and so worried the mister was angry with me. He assured me he wasn't and that we would get through this- one way or another . ( told ya- he is the fixer)

Now I had to worry about getting back and forth to work- the kiddos being fed and homework done, what I was going to do about a new car ( did I mention we owned the car so only carried the minimum insurance on it- in Michigan that is No Fault which means we get NOTHING- they didn't even pay for the tow. Bastards) how I was going to get all the shit done with the kids, Cub Scout meetings, school meetings, all the stuff that goes with being a mom and I just shut down. I focused on work and luckily my neighbor and amazing sistermommy friend said she would pick me up from work during the week. Hubby was going to drive me and take time off his job to get running around done and grandma would come over after school  to help with the the little spawns homework ( see my blog about THAT-Homework Sucks ) and start dinner for us. 

The importance of all of these things, as well as my luckiness at having such caring people in my life wasn't necessarily lost on me, but I was still numbly focused on work and determined to NOT lose my damn mind.
Hubby was desperately looking for a car we could afford (which meant a beater piece of shit or a moped because that is ALL we realistically could afford right now) and I just agreed with what he said- told him whatever he thought was right and left it at that.  So he searched and searched for something that we could judt buy and not have a payment. No luck. Everything had  a gazillion miles on it and he worried about dropping a grand on something that would subsequently need three grand worth of repairs. 

He started looking at dealerships- but our credit is...well, let's just say it isn't fabulous, and even with money down he was worried about a sky high payment. He finally found a place- with a decent car- but even with $1200 down they wanted $298 a month and were trying to pull some shit bout HAVING to have their service contract or the bank wouldn't approve. Soooooo- on Friday he went to a reputable dealer and talked with them. After some number crunching (and fudging) we were approved for 2007 blue Chevy Aveo. He sent me a picture and called me at work and I said go for it.  I was still running on auto pilot and didn't even really register that I might have a "new to me" car by the end of the work day.

6:00 on Friday- I walked out of work to see my wonderful hubby with my car. An adorable little sedan in a beautiful shade of blue. Then- to top it off- he opened the trunk and had bought me the digital deep fryer I had been asking for for Mother's Day.  I was as excited as I could be- exhausted, stressed and worried- but excited. He had pulled it off- and had I been in my right mind I would have been a hell of a lot more excited and grateful.

We got home- and discovered the service department had forgotten to put the oil cap back on and oil had bubbled out all over.  That is when the world just came crashing down on me. The stress, the accident, EVERYTHING hit me and I LOST IT. I turned into the blubbery mess I had told myself I wouldn't become. I sobbed uncontrollably and stomped my feet and threw a humdinger of a tantrum. WHY CAN'T THINGS JUST ALL WORK OUT?!?! I screamed. IT'S NOT FAIR!  My poor husband kept apologizing, hugging me, telling me he loved me, running around like a crazy person and trying to fix it..AGAIN.

Thanks to an irate phone call to the dealership- the salesman who sold us the car went to the lot, and pulled an oil cap off of another Aveo ( oh- we bought one that said it fit my car- but of course it fucking didn't) and met my husband at a nearby gas station to give it to him. 

So I guess this week from hell had a happy ending. I have driven the car- only panicked once- and I like it a lot. Hubby is my hero and savior again and aside from a shitty cold I am starting to feel like myself again. I am not making the same mistake and getting too comfortable in good luck- I KNOW how that turns out- at least for me. So just keep your fingers crossed and hope that next weeks hell is not as miserable as this weeks...