The Writing Wars

Getting a little kid to sit down and write can be a challenge. Especially a boy. Getting an autistic kid to sit down and write is horrifying. I would rather have to change dirty diapers, clean toilets, or be tied naked to a red ant hill covered in honey. I AM SERIOUS.

I LOVE this!

The boy has always struggled with writing. Handwriting Without Tears, while a great program didn't help. Exercises to help fine motor control haven't helped. Making individual boxes for each word hasn't helped. Trying to teach him cursive at 6 years old didn't help. Bribery, threatening and tears have not helped.  He has been using an Alpha Smart keyboard since 2nd grade. THAT is helpful.


Now that he is supposedly "mainstreamed" the teacher puts a certain amount of expectation on him to write. I don't necessarily disagree- but sometimes - like the recent project we had to do- typing it all would make it so much easier on him. AND ME!

We had a cooking project to do. The Boy said he wanted to make butterscotch chip cookies. I was thrilled! Something new! So we got a recipe and he followed it, and did 90% of the work himself- even putting it in the oven himself. It was fun, and he learned some cool stuff, and his cookies turned out great!

Now comes the hard part. Having to write it down. I have been putting this project off because of this very reason. We baked the cookies yesterday. At 12:30 today- I told him it was time to finish his project. He said he did. I told him, we need to write all of it down. That was at 12:30. We finished at 3:50. Yes folks, for over THREE HOURS I did everything in my power to get him to follow the directions. From a "break after each sentence, to bathroom trips to smoke breaks for mom- this has been the shittiest day off with the kids in recent memory.

Why all the fighting? Well- anything that requires him to write or draw (this had both) is a fight. He HATES it. It stresses us both out.  But the grading rubric clearly states it had to be written. (I typed it too- the hell with it) And after re-writing because of illegibility, many erased lines, tears, near meltdown, (for both of us) and me considering taking a shot of tequila at about 2:30-ish...this is what we finally got.

This is the finished product

Grading Rubric

This is after 3 + hours

The best part of this whole thing was the cooking. He really enjoyed it, and so did I. So I leave you with some pictures of the actual baking portion of the project- enjoy!

Play Dates with Autism and a host of other acronyms

There are certain words and phrases automatically strike fear in the hearts of parents of autistic children. Summer vacation. Low battery. Out of Goldfish crackers.  

The one that has always got me is "Play date"  The boy is 9 now- is it still considered a "play date?" What else could I call it? Hanging out? Bouncing off the walls followed by an overstimulated meltdown? That last one kinda takes the shine off what should be a fun time.  

Since social and play skills are a pretty standard deficits amongst children with autism, parents are encouraged to organize play dates with typically developing peers so that our kids can model their play schemes and behaviors.  I used to do this. When The Boy was in preschool and in kindergarten- I went out of my way to go to any and all play dates that were offered...and became a part of a babysitting exchange just for the opportunity to watch some neurotypical kids- and give The Boy an opportunity to go to their homes.  Because  we all know everything that neurotypical children do is so great and our ASD kiddos NEED to learn how to play like them. (Heavy on the sarcasm here...ok)

Try organizing a play date with other kids on the spectrum- or that have AD/HD. Or OCD. Or ODD. Or are EI. (emotionally impaired) That also gets tricky. Because - and I am being brutally honest here- there are days I can barely stand my own kid's incessant chatter about dinosaurs and Pokemon,  bouncing off the walls, picky eating habits and tendency to be drawn to all things electronic as opposed to real life interactions. I have never thought to myself  "Hey- The Boy is completely unpredictable at times, let’s invite  another one into the mix and see how crazy shit can get up in here"

Not to say we haven't had successful play dates over the years- sure we have. With both neurotypical kids AND kids on the spectrum, or AD/HD, or any other acronym you wanna throw out there. The dynamics are COMPLETELY  different of course, but one thing never changes- and that is my hovering, making sure to explain something The Boy may have just said or done that has the typical kid looking at him strangely, or diffusing what could be a very dangerous situation when two kiddos on the spectrum disagree about something- anything.   But we have survived them, and not been any worse off after. 

The scenario now: The Boy has this friend. He is in the special ed class he is in. Yeah- the school where he was to be fully mainstreamed and yet still goes to a special ed class... that is a rant for another time. This friend is the same age as The Boy. He is also EXTRAORDINARILY AD/HD. He is also very immature for his age and I suspect very emotionally impaired (EI). I have had the opportunity to work with this boy in the after school program where I work as well. I know him pretty well. And when he has a bad day he has a BAD day. An only child, he is VERY bossy and insists everything be done his way, and The Boy will do whatever he says to do- because he thinks this is how to be a good friend. ( remember the social issues thing?) We are working on that.  I truly like this kid and I feel bad because he really doesn't seem to have any other friends- with the exception of my kid anyway.  This makes my heart hurt. I see and hear how he gets picked on- and - at least in my program anyway- it is NEVER allowed.  But I only have these opportunities  for a few hours a week, and believe me - there are times I could just sit down and cry after he gets picked up. Especially when The Boy is with us..it can get wacky.  This friend can be VERY aggressive, and shouts things like "LEAVE ME ALONE I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" when other kids are upsetting him. I have had to stop him from hitting a few times too.  But he truly seems to like The Boy, and the feeling is quite mutual. There have been times when my boy has told him to "Calm Down!"  making me feel pretty damn proud- but also wondering if fostering the friendship will cause The Boy to pick up bad behaviors not previously had- or grown out of. 

I mean, everyone wants their kid to be around, if not typical, then “higher-functioning” kids. But if most of us are somewhere in the middle, there’s always someone “higher” and there’s always someone “lower”.I may be leery of having The Boy  have a  play date with a kid who displays aggressive behaviors,  but trust me, there are plenty of kids that AREN'T lining up for play dates with him.  In the long run- I just want The Boy to have fun and be happy- regardless of the "functioning" abilities of a friend. Now- if that friend hurts my kid, starts setting fires or neighborhood puppies start disappearing- that would be a game changer. 

So today- I dove right in- talked to the mom- invited the friend over for a few hours. Now- just so you have an idea - here we have 2 nine  year old boys- both VERY into dinosaurs and Pokemon.  Both with developmental delays. One with Autism, AD/HD,  and OCD. The other severely AD/HD and suspected EI.  

It all started out great- both excited, both wanting to play different things on different electronic devices, but getting along ok...I mean- they weren't interacting a whole lot, and I was doing my best not to hover or shove them together.  There was chasing of the cat, running up and down the stairs- "normal" stuff. Then the Nerf Guns came into play. Which I was all for- they were playing TOGETHER and not on the Wii/computer/DS/iPad either. But our house is small- and it is unusually mild for January in MI, so I sent them outside. 

Within about 2 minutes of being outside- the friend decided to hit the basement window with the Nerf gun- "to see if it was plastic". It wasn't.  There was a slurry of  "I'm sorry's" and the threat of tears and a meltdown.  I didn't explode- I made sure nobody was hurt, and hubby got all the glass and boarded the window up.   I asked what happened-they told me and ran off.   So now I wonder- should I call mom? He's only been at my house for 30 minutes. I debated for a minute and then I.Let.It.Go.  Let it go! I mean- what the hell was I going to do?    

The rest of the afternoon went fine- excited and loud but fine. Then I started wondering- do I tell his mom? I mean- the kid did break a window- but it was the basement window and can be replaced fairly inexpensively (I hope). This was the first time they have played together outside of school, and it was an accident. Sort of. In the end- I didn't say a damn thing.  Right or wrong- I don't know and don't care. Maybe The Boy will go over to their house and break something. But with my luck it would be the plasma TV.  

 

 

Sippy Cups Anonymous

There are a few stages that all parents go through with their kids- usually at about the same time. One being The Sippy Cup.  This magical transition from bottle to cup, baby to toddler, a milestone to be recorded in the baby book and calls placed to all your family and friends touting your BIG KID'S accomplishment! (Unless of course it's kid # 3 or #4- in which case it's just a blip on your radar.)

The ONLY sippy cup I want in my house

 My oldest and middle kids both graduated to sippy cups between 1.5 and 3 (YES THREE..SHUT UP!). Teenzilla had a harder time than The Oldest, she was  is a very stubborn little girl.  The Oldest- he did pretty well giving his bottle up- a few tears, some back sliding when Nana would give in- but he was done with the bottle right at 2 years old- big round of applause for me! ( just kidding- really) Now Teenzilla- that was a nightmare. We did the water only in the bottle and what she really wanted to drink in the sippy- which she promptly responded to by hurling the cup as hard as she could. We let her cry it out - and she could cryandcryandcryandcry- her will was MUCH  

stronger than mine. She was well over 2 years old before she was completely "bottle broke" GASP! 

 Nowadays if you don't have your baby off a bottle, drinking from a sippy and feeding themselves BEFORE 2 years old- you are a horrible parent and you are destroying your child's teeth, creating speech problems and attachment issues.  I personally think that's all a load of bullshit- but that's me. 

Now there is The Boy. He is 9. He will be 10 in July. And he still drinks from a sippy cup. Oh- I could blame it all on the autism, I could say he has a hard time drinking from a regular cup ( he kind of does- he prefers straws all the time) but really - it is all about the meds he takes.  He started taking medication to help him sleep at 3 years old. Because up until then HE DIDN'T SLEEP.  So after the autism diagnosis- he was prescribed Clonidine - or rather it's generic equivalent- Catapres- which put him to sleep.

Initially we would crush it up and feed it to him in pudding. Then he started giving foods up he used to love, pudding being one of them, and caught on to us trying to feed him the crushed up meds in anything else. He quickly wised up to the "It's sprinkles" lie. So then- because we had liked  being able to sleep again- we decided to crush it to a fine powder and put it in juice. In a sippy cup. Yes, at night. Because- along with the bottle I finally got rid of at 3 years old, he also gave up drinking milk. No chocolate milk, no soy milk....no milk at all.  So watered down apple juice it was. 

Yup- this looks like ours

And now-even though The Mister swears he knows he takes medication-he gets a sippy cup with juice in the morning for the ADHD meds, and one at night for the Catapres.  We have had the same 2 Spongebob sippy cups for about 4 years now- and I refuse to buy more.  But until he can either A) Swallow a pill or B) Be persuaded to take the meds  crushed up in ice cream or something he likes I feel we are stuck.  

My biggest fear is that one of his classmates will find out about it. That is NOT the way I want him to give it up.  My heart is pre-broken just thinking about that disaster.   Now I need MY sippy cup....