Extreme Parenting = Epic Win!

So Facebook is blowing up about this dad- and his extreme method of teaching his over privileged daughter a lesson. I think he is a genius! I don't give 2 shits about the use of a gun either. It wouldn't be my way of handling it- but that is really not the main issue.

The issue is this family has a teenage daughter. Teenagers in general are hormonal, overly dramatic, whiny pains in the ass. Teenage girls- well they are a ridiculous hot mess that would take several blogs to describe. I know this because I once was one, and I now have one.  This girl apparently feels that she is entitled to everything she wants, without doing anything in return for free room and board and all her fancy gadgets that allow her to disrespect her family in such a way.   So after already being in trouble for a similar infraction, dad stepped up his game and showed little miss exactly who was boss.

And I say GOOD FOR YOU TOMMY!!! As the mom to a now 21 year old son who was given pretty much everything he wanted and excuses made for bad behavior growing up- who is now paying the price for a series of fuck ups that I take partial blame for, I can truly say-had I been a less permissive parent with him, he may not have gotten into the trouble he did.  (yes, that is a horrible run on sentence, but I am in a hurry!)

Teenzilla has a much different upbringing. I allow her to have an opinion, I allow her to vent, but it still comes down to I am THE PARENT and I will do what I feel is best. Yes I may take her opinion into consideration, but that is all. And for the most part she isn't a disrespectful little asshole that feels like I OWE her something. She has her moments- she isn't perfect, but she is a good kid, and I am a lucky mom. I still stalk the hell outta her Facebook and other assorted online activities, not to catch her doing something wrong, but as a matter of safety.And if I DO happen to catch her being an asshole- it will be dealt with accordingly.  I read her text messages on her phone too. That is MY job. HER job is to put away dishes, pick up the house, put her laundry away, babysit when asked and just be a productive member of the household. In return she gets a roof over her head, a bed to sleep in, a computer, and iPod and a cell phone. All of which have been taken away one time or another for disrespectful behavior or not following the rules.

Then there is The Boy. Parenting a child on the autism spectrum is a weird thing sometimes. I still expect him to be respectful, although sometimes what seems like a lack of respect is his literal interpretation of the world around him. I still correct it- and I know the difference between him seeing things in black and white, and him being rude.

So I give Tommy Jordan a big thumbs up and applaud him for taking his parenting skills to the extreme.  Here is his FB status update about his daughter- and if this doesn't tell you his approach worked- nothing will.

For those that wondered, commented, criticized, and just in general wanted to know:

My daughter came through it fine. 

Yes, she's in trouble, and yes she's grounded, but that doesn't mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She's going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.

In the meantime, once the initial anger passed, she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said I’d do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, “in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and I’ll go half-sies with ya on it! It’s not like I’m going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one.”

While the whole point of this story isn’t funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn’t let it (or people’s comments) destroy her strength. I don’t get any credit for that. She’s strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.

Since this unsuspectingly threw her into the limelight much more strongly than either of us intended, I asked her if she wanted to make her own response video, and told her I’d let her do it if she wanted to. She doesn’t like being in front of the camera, so she declined, but I’ve told her if she wants to write a response or post a video response, I’d be OK with it. It’s only fair considering the viral nature of the whole thing. So far she’s not really interested. Quite frankly it seems she’s gotten bored of it much faster than the general public has. If that changes I’ll post it here.

Selfish, Spoiled and Pampered- Raising kids in the GIMME MORE generation

I spoil my kids- if you consider spoiling them loving the hell out of them, making their favorite desserts out of the blue, making sure they have a really good breakfast the morning of an exam, letting them have friends over, taking them to the doctor and dentist, putting braces on their teeth so they don't have snaggle smiles- you know all the things a parent does. I buy them stuff-  1 or 2 extravagant toys at Christmas- when I can afford them.  Cute clothes, take them to movies, again- normal stuff a parent does, or tries to do.

Let me paint a picture of the modern teen. Rather spoiled and generally obsessed with shopping for labels and brand name items. Today,fancy electronic gadgets are everywhere, and every tween and teen just HAS to have them- because of course "ALL my friends have one"  so parents, in some bizarre competition with other parents make sure they get whatever they can- and call it love. From cell phones to laptops to iPods, many youths have established themselves as walking, talking digital units who devote a good portion of their day on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and of course the incessant texting.

Not as preposterous as one might think

But now let me paint you a picture of the modern elementary school child. *See above*.  Yes- kids as young as 6 & 7 have fancy cell phones, iPads and PSP's- IN THE SECOND GRADE!!!  Ridiculous- right? 

My oldest, The 20-Something got his first cell phone at 16. In the last 5 years, I have bought him one other cell phone. Until recently, when he turned 21- and I got him an iPhone. At 21 years old.  With the promise that he will be moving out..SOON. 

My Teenzilla got her first cell phone and mini laptop at age 11.   "But mooommmm...ALL my friends have one". And I don't want her to be the one to go without. So pester power prevails, and BAM- now at 13 she has  a regular laptop and was pissed- PISSED- that I bought her 21 YEAR OLD brother an iPhone and not her!  I got her a new cellphone, it's a smart phone, it's cool and all, and best of all it was FREE. But all she needs it for is letting me know where she is and texting her friends- she does not need the latest supermegafancyawesometastic phone out there. SHE IS 13!!!  But you would think I was telling her I was cutting off her arm, because now ANOTHER friend got an Evo- and why didn't I get that phone..wah, wah, wah. 

Overall we’re all just doing our best to raise well-rounded, caring human beings aren’t we? In my opinion that means people who treasure friendship above material possessions and who don’t stress the small stuff , like cell phones, and such.

And- if we indulge their every whim at such a young age- the newest, bestest, neatest cell phone, the newest, bestest, neatest portable game system, what do they have to look forward to? If they get all this stuff at 7,8,9,10- what do they have to look forward to when they turn 13,16,18,21?? These are milestone birthdays- and telling a kiddo that they have to wait until one of them to get something  supermegafancyawesometastic - doesn't that make it more special? What do our kids have to look forward to- if we keep letting them grow up too fast?  

My kids aren't lacking- don't get me wrong.  I know what it’s like to want to give your kids everything. I struggle to keep myself from buying stuff for the kids when we are out. I want to see them happy and it’s a super feeling seeing a kid’s face light up when they get something new.  And yes- I am guilty of over compensating for time not spent. But not often- I am always broke, as Teenzilla likes to point out to me all the time. 

And what about the pressure on the kids themselves? Yeah- kids feel the pressure too...not considered good enough because of their lack of the newest gizmo.  But these are problems that don't normally arise until late middle school and high school. And that extends to everything from clothes to cars and has been going on FOREVER.  But it's  now getting to be that way as early as 1st and 2nd grade- with 10-11 years in school to go! 

I say- give them something to look forward to- yes it's hard to hear how they are being left out of a particular group at school, and yes it's hard to say no sometimes- believe me- I know! But having something to look forward to is a great thing- it's a great way to be happy. And don't we as parents really want that more than anything else for our kids?