The one where my daughter shaves her head

My brave, awesome girl!

March 16, 2013 will forever be one of the most amazing days of my life. That was the day that my 14 year old daughter shaved her head for St. Baldrick's Pediatric Cancer research.  If you don't already know the story behind this amazing thing she did- you can read it here, Would YOU shave your head for a great cause?

How many teenage girls would do such an amazing thing? I mean- 14 years old, a freshman in high school, at a time in her life when girls are usually obsessed with their looks, wanting to fit in, and dealing with the hell that can be high school?  Frankly, I am still kind of surprised she went through with it. But she did, and now I am in absolute awe.

This is really something to be proud of, for everyone involved. Everyone should be proud of the very brave folks who got into those   barber chairs and then allowed strangers to shave their heads completely bald with hundreds of people looking on.  This is a HUGE thing to do, from the men who may not have a lot of hair (I also saw a lot of beards getting shaved off!), to the young kids who aren't as concerned with what they look like yet. But most  especially for the women and girls who shave their heads.  It is a powerful statement to make to the children currently battling cancer, and have no say in losing their hair. and to those who love them.
It was an exciting day full of emotions for everyone. Our team, Donna's Good Things Michigan raised almost $4000, and Teenzilla raised $1150 of that.  The event, St. Baldrick's of Romeo MI raised over $230,000 this year, and has raised  raised over $760,000 in just six years of hosting events for St. Baldrick's.  This year there were 520 shavees....520!!!   It was a literal assembly line of people shaving their heads.  It was HUGE!

The story behind the pink spots on her head: Mary Tyler Mom had made a comment when we first began this journey, and my Teenzilla had hot pink hair, that "Donna would have been enchanted with her pink hair" Since that pink was long gone- Teenzilla was ADAMANT that we do a quick dye job before shave day. I di my best to keep the dye of her scalp, but failed in spectacular fashion!   Between baking soda and peroxide, she has gotten most of them off now! But it has been a HUGE source of questions. So now you know! 

Meeting Mary Tyler Mom 

Teenzilla was amazing through it all. She brought a friend with her- which was so great- I think that really helped keep her calm and they danced to the music playing, and checked out the cute boys. ) And when Mary Tyler Mom  showed up- wow! Teenzilla was so excited to meet her, the mom of the beautiful Donna who was her inspiration to do this, and when I found her and said "She's here!" , Teenzilla's face lit up like Christmas and she rushed to go and meet her.  After a big hug, MTM presented her with a "Swag Bag" and the most heartfelt thank you I have ever heard.



When they called her time (3:27) to come to the staging area, I went with her and the captain of our team, Danielle, to get in line. When it was time for me to walk away, I lost it. I started sobbing, hugged them both so tight, not able to put into words how proud I was of them. Not since each of my children made their entrance into the world have I felt so overcome with pride, and emotions. I seriously felt dizzy with all the feels. There are no words to describe it.


When the time came for her to climb into that barber chair, I was shaking, crying and laughing all at the same time. Then came the next huge moment I will never forget.  A man told us that she was amazing, and how he had lost his young daughter in September and how proud HE was of our daughter for what she was doing. Again- the flood of emotions that came over me was literally staggering.  I lost my mom to cancer, but I have no idea what it means to move to "Cancerville" as MTM says, and to lose a child. I call myself a warrior mom, dealing with autism, but these parents, and kids are true warriors.

Teenzilla goes back to school tomorrow- and she is nervous. Even though a lot of people knew she was doing this- it will still be a shock to see her beautiful bald head.  I will be nervous for her, and have already told her if she needs me to come get her- I will be there in a hot minute.  But, I don't see that happening. This kid of mine is one of the strongest people I know.  When I asked her how she felt about what she did she replied, "Pretty damn awesome, mom".  I think she  is going to be just fine.

Love this look!

Gorgeous!!!

Celebrate Donna Day 2013 with me!

This smile!

When I found Donna's Cancer story, I admit- I didn't want to read it. Not at all. I knew it was out there, I saw links to it every day in my Facebook news feed, but I didn't want to read what was sure to be a heart breaking, sad story. 

As I looked at my own kids, I told myself that I could never endure the story of a beautiful little girl living through 31 months of cancer treatment and the pain her family endured. I didn't want to get to know this family, only to lose a precious member of it. 

The day came, when I decided to just start reading. I had already saw several re-posts on my Facebook of  number 16 Relapse, and I started reading. And I didn't stop until I was caught up. And   And I cried. Ugly, snotty crying. And I kept reading, stopping only when I couldn't see the screen through my tears.  

 I have never felt such a connection, to Donna and to her family who until that day, were total strangers to me. Just another sad story of a child with cancer. But it was so much more.  I was blown away by the raw, honest beautiful way Sheila, aka Mary Tyler Mom, wrote about her daughter, her family, her fears, her hopes. This was written TO me, FOR me. This was written in such a way, I felt like I had been sitting with Sheila having coffee as she told me this story. That is powerful my friends.

The feelings evoked in me after reading Donna's story ran the gamut from sadness, to hope, to anger, to fear and to guilt. Guilt that my kids would be home for me to hug them, guilt that I complain about dealing with autism, about teacher's and IEP's. The same guilt I sometimes feel when I read a blog written by a parent dealing with a child who doesn't speak, when mine does.The Boy is autistic.He is not like the other kids. He may be a 7 year old in a 10 year old body. He may be wild, unpredictable and sometimes make me want to scream. But I get to  hold him every day. My struggles are a cake walk in comparison to what Sheila's family lived through, what Donna endured.  I was extremely humbled by Sheila's words in installment 30 Choosing Hope:

"When all of this began so long ago and I first typed the  words 'choose hope,' my guess is that most folks assumed the hope was for Donna's cure.  If I'm honest with myself, it probably was for a time, but as much as that mantra is for Donna, it was for me as well.  To remind myself that hope comes in many forms and, more importantly, it is a frame of mind, a choice one makes.  For so long, and to this day, it is the only way to live.  Without hope, how would I wake up in the morning?  Without hope, how do you continue to be with Donna, laughing and playing and so brightful, knowing that she will be gone much too damn soon? "

It is completely amazing to me how Sheila's family fought. How in the midst of it all they welcomed a new life into their family. How they coped,how they survived,how they “chose hope” in the face of such despair.

After hearing her dad and I talking about this amazing blog, my Teenzilla decided to read it too. Her reactions were filled with all the vehemence and anger that only teenage girls can muster. "F**K CANCER. What bullshit!"  

My Teenzilla

It was around that time that I first heard of the St. Baldrick's Foundation. St. Baldrick's began as a head-shaving event and continues to be the signature event of the Foundation. "Shavees" ask friends and family to make donations "on their head" and in return, they attend one of thousands of volunteer-organized events around the world where they have their heads shaved in solidarity with kids fighting cancer.mSince 2000 more than 230,000 shavees—including more than 22,700 women—have shaved their heads at 5,500 events, raising critical funds for childhood cancer research. 

I watched as several of my friends made their way to Chicago last year, and prepared to shave their heads. I donated and cheered them on. I followed their blogs and their Facebook pages. And I shared all of this with Teenzilla.  She looked at me after seeing all the pictures of the newly bald, and said, "I want to do that". I chuckled, and I said, yeah, right. She looked me straight in the eye and said- "I am serious mom. So many kids have to go through chemo and lose their hair and they don't have a choice. I want to do this. It's just hair. It will grow back."

I told her that I would support her 100% if she wanted to do this, but secretly I thought she would never do it. The next event was a year away- that was a lot of time to think about it. And being a fickle teen girl- I expected her to forget about it, and then change her mind.  

And now here we are, 17 days away from the event, a little over $1000 raised by her, just over $2000 raised by her team, Donna's Good Things Team Michigan and she, while a little nervous, is still as determined as ever. If I could bottle that passion- I would be a millionaire! 

What I need you to do now is: 1)READ DONNA'S STORY!  Statistics are scary- this story will make you see beyond the statistics, into the life of an amazing family, and a very precious little girl. You will BE in the hospital rooms with them, you will SEE Donna's gorgeous smile and amazing blue eyes, you will KNOW her love to dance, you will FEEL all the feelings. Do it. 

 2) Please please please visit, Donna's Good Things at Candlelite Chicago, and click on the GREEN BUTTON  to donate. $5, $10- it is ALL helpful and goes to an amazing cause.  

3) Watch this wonderful 3 minute video

4)Watch Donna's Radiothon story Song... 

And remember- visit Donna's Good Things at Candlelite Chicago and

CLICK THE GREEN BUTTON!!!

It's a blog- not an open invitation to tell me how effed up I am

There are a bajillion blogs out there. There are blogs about kids, booze, food, technology, families....the list goes on and on and on and on ad infinitum. I personally read several blogs religiously. Moms Who Drink and Swear,  Dad v. Autism  ( my hubby ♥), Life With Penis People, Mary Tyler Mom, Counting Caballeros, Shit Your Mother Never Told You, Apples and Autobots, Little White Lion, ....are just a VERY small sampling of what I personally read. I keep up on the autism blogs, of which there are many, and mine of course is a hodge podge of autism, parenting, friends, daily life, blah, blah, blah.  Hell, I even wrote about wishing I had done more Kegels for shit's sake....

I may not agree with every single thing I read - even on my favorites- but I do not make it my personal mission to send anybody a private message telling them how fucked up they are, to decry their character or morals, or to just spew hate.   And I really do NOT get people that do.  Bloggers are opening themselves up, creating stuff that matters to them- and hoping it will matter to others as well. Whether it's political, whimsical, informative or funny, it is ALL a matter of opinion- and that leaves us vulnerable. We hope to inspire, but we also open ourselves up to criticism, both constructive and unfortunately destructive. 

I am not holding a gun to YOUR head right now. I am not forcing you to read this. You CHOSE to read my somewhat intelligible rantings. My writing is not filled with subliminal messages {{{read this blog or else you will break out in boils and develop syphilis}}  forcing the average person to read.  And while I welcome feedback, similar stories, and disagreement (done in an intelligent manner) I will not give credence to sad people who think they have to say horrible awful things to build themselves up.  

For instance- in my blog Must love dogs. Well Screw That! I wrote about our misfortunes with owning dogs. I received so many venomous, hate filled nasty comments- it just blew me away. I laughed a lot of it off- each to his own right? But people were actually calling my parenting skills into question- really? Don't even go there! Here is one example:

I have to say that I am appalled by the way you have treated those poor defenceless animals. And I'm even more appalled that you seem to think that the way you have behaved is acceptable. You left your family pet with a humane society and do not even care about whether or not it's still alive? And you are about to do it again? I am ashamed to belong to the same species as you. I'm almost surprised that you didn't give up your son when it turned out he was autistic, just in case he turned out to be too much work for you! I really hope that when you become old and senile and start shitting yourself that your children dump you in a nursing home. Because they will have learned from you that getting rid of something that has become an inconvience is perfectly ok.

This one really pissed me off. But then- I took a deep breath and decided it was absolutely pointless and ridiculous to get pissed off, much less argue with someone like this ( even though I DID have some choice things to say!)  This person had an opinion- and even though they were unable to present their opinion in a matter that didn't try to bring me down, it was still their OPINION...and unfortunately, any asshole can have one of those. 

When out perusing the blogosphere- remember that a million different personalities have millions upon millions of opinions and write about them.NOBODY  is forcing anyone to read or agree with ANYTHING.  You may not like or agree with them all. But it is not license to be nasty, bitchy, hateful or even threatening to the writer.  Haters: Try writing your own blog- put yourself out there and see what happens.  

So the moral of the story is- read my blog, have an opinion, share a comment, similar story, helpful advice or even criticism- I can take it! Just remember- I am putting myself out there- both for my own enjoyment and because I hope that something I say may resonate with someone else and dare I say help someone out. But more than that- I may be the one getting help or advice. I am an autism mom - I can use all the help I can get.

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