My baby went to camp today and I am a WRECK!

Ready to go!

Fifth grade camp. An amazing opportunity the kids in our district get to experience and look forward to from 1st grade on. When I sent Teenzilla, I was a little nervous, but she had already spent a week at Girl Scout camp, so she was ready to go, and I was pretty relaxed about sending her.

But The Boy is different. Not only does he have autism, he is MY BABY.  And in almost 11 years I have not been away from home for more than a weekend- and not even a full 48 hours so this is just as much about me as it is about him.  Today, The Boy is embarking on a journey that a lot of kiddos on the spectrum may not get a chance to do. Runners, non verbal, numerous medical issues may prevent a lot of kiddos with autism from being able to enjoy and be safe at a fully inclusive school week long camping trip.  I feel very blessed that The Boy is able to participate.

While I know in my heart he will thrive there I cannot help but have those crazy motherly instincts that drive all moms bonkers when they are away from their babies.

Am I excited for him to experience camp? Absolutely. Do I trust that  the teachers,staff and high school counselors will care for him, watch over him, and not let him near danger, and recognize when sensory overload is imminent ? Undoubtedly. Am I worried about  his very limited eating, sleeping in a bunk bed and group showering? Damn straight I am! Do I think he will come home singing fabulous songs, full of stories about his week away and be tired and smelly? I expect it.  

But I am a mom, and I worry. I worry that he may not like certain activities. I worry that he will get homesick, I worry that he will feel alone.  These are all irrational fears, I know. I have sent a kid away to camp- and she was well taken care of. The Boy will be well taken care of, too. He is bunking with some buddies from football, who found him right away this morning to get on the bus. He was smiling,and excited. There weren't any tearful second thoughts, hanging on to me or dad and refusing to let go, not one, single, concern.  That may change tonight- his first night away from home, a strange place, a different routine, but the teachers and counselors are all aware and assured me they will make the transitions as easy as possible. And even though they discourage calls home- if he really really needs to hear my voice- they will let him call home.  That eases my worry, if only a little bit.

This experience will put him in an environment where he was required to be more independent, work with his neurotypical peers in a setting completely different from school, or the football field.  It will hopefully help him to gain confidence in his own abilities, the fact that he can live without screens and be a bonding experience with other kids that will be a big help when they go to middle school next year. 

I am a nervous wreck. My mind is alternating between the worst and best case scenarios, trying hard to concentrate on the best. His smiling, excited face and declaration of "I am so excited to go to camp!" are definitely keeping my emotions in check- I didn't even cry too much when they left!  And I am reciting "No news is good news" over and over in my head- because that is a solid truth I can be confident in. 

This week away is a huge learning experience, for us both. It is sure to fly by, before I know it, it will be Friday and The Boy will be home. I can't wait!

Happy and excited! 

The one where my daughter shaves her head

My brave, awesome girl!

March 16, 2013 will forever be one of the most amazing days of my life. That was the day that my 14 year old daughter shaved her head for St. Baldrick's Pediatric Cancer research.  If you don't already know the story behind this amazing thing she did- you can read it here, Would YOU shave your head for a great cause?

How many teenage girls would do such an amazing thing? I mean- 14 years old, a freshman in high school, at a time in her life when girls are usually obsessed with their looks, wanting to fit in, and dealing with the hell that can be high school?  Frankly, I am still kind of surprised she went through with it. But she did, and now I am in absolute awe.

This is really something to be proud of, for everyone involved. Everyone should be proud of the very brave folks who got into those   barber chairs and then allowed strangers to shave their heads completely bald with hundreds of people looking on.  This is a HUGE thing to do, from the men who may not have a lot of hair (I also saw a lot of beards getting shaved off!), to the young kids who aren't as concerned with what they look like yet. But most  especially for the women and girls who shave their heads.  It is a powerful statement to make to the children currently battling cancer, and have no say in losing their hair. and to those who love them.
It was an exciting day full of emotions for everyone. Our team, Donna's Good Things Michigan raised almost $4000, and Teenzilla raised $1150 of that.  The event, St. Baldrick's of Romeo MI raised over $230,000 this year, and has raised  raised over $760,000 in just six years of hosting events for St. Baldrick's.  This year there were 520 shavees....520!!!   It was a literal assembly line of people shaving their heads.  It was HUGE!

The story behind the pink spots on her head: Mary Tyler Mom had made a comment when we first began this journey, and my Teenzilla had hot pink hair, that "Donna would have been enchanted with her pink hair" Since that pink was long gone- Teenzilla was ADAMANT that we do a quick dye job before shave day. I di my best to keep the dye of her scalp, but failed in spectacular fashion!   Between baking soda and peroxide, she has gotten most of them off now! But it has been a HUGE source of questions. So now you know! 

Meeting Mary Tyler Mom 

Teenzilla was amazing through it all. She brought a friend with her- which was so great- I think that really helped keep her calm and they danced to the music playing, and checked out the cute boys. ) And when Mary Tyler Mom  showed up- wow! Teenzilla was so excited to meet her, the mom of the beautiful Donna who was her inspiration to do this, and when I found her and said "She's here!" , Teenzilla's face lit up like Christmas and she rushed to go and meet her.  After a big hug, MTM presented her with a "Swag Bag" and the most heartfelt thank you I have ever heard.



When they called her time (3:27) to come to the staging area, I went with her and the captain of our team, Danielle, to get in line. When it was time for me to walk away, I lost it. I started sobbing, hugged them both so tight, not able to put into words how proud I was of them. Not since each of my children made their entrance into the world have I felt so overcome with pride, and emotions. I seriously felt dizzy with all the feels. There are no words to describe it.


When the time came for her to climb into that barber chair, I was shaking, crying and laughing all at the same time. Then came the next huge moment I will never forget.  A man told us that she was amazing, and how he had lost his young daughter in September and how proud HE was of our daughter for what she was doing. Again- the flood of emotions that came over me was literally staggering.  I lost my mom to cancer, but I have no idea what it means to move to "Cancerville" as MTM says, and to lose a child. I call myself a warrior mom, dealing with autism, but these parents, and kids are true warriors.

Teenzilla goes back to school tomorrow- and she is nervous. Even though a lot of people knew she was doing this- it will still be a shock to see her beautiful bald head.  I will be nervous for her, and have already told her if she needs me to come get her- I will be there in a hot minute.  But, I don't see that happening. This kid of mine is one of the strongest people I know.  When I asked her how she felt about what she did she replied, "Pretty damn awesome, mom".  I think she  is going to be just fine.

Love this look!

Gorgeous!!!