Must love dogs...well screw that!

We have NEVER had good luck with a dog. Either they were dumb as rocks, or runners. Hubby always wanted a big dog- but we never had the right kind of yard for a big dog.  We have gone through several dogs- including a litter of puppies we found dumped by the side of the road that we ended up taking to the the ASPCA.  When we found out Noah was autistic- I immediately wanted to get a dog- especially after hearing how amazing a pet was for children on the spectrum. We had a cat- (which by the way- I ADORE my asshole cat- as do the kids) but I had researched and thought a dog was the way to go. So I went to the local shelter and found a big ol Shepard looking dog- absolutely beautiful, full of energy and sweet as could be. I immediately adopted him and brought him home. 

We called him Fozzie- and for the first couple of months he was wonderful. We had him "fixed" right away- as it would supposedly calm him down....HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! He then started bolting for the door- and he knew exactly which person in the house he could get by. He knocked my poor Noah down so many times I truly started to hate him. We lived with that crap for a year before I said that is enough. After SEVERAL attempts at finding a good home- including utilizing a rescue society, we finally took him to the humane society. I truly hope he found a good home- I never tried to find out.  

 I declared our house dog free, and the hubby agreed. Until about a year later when he decided we needed a puppy. After looking at several pictures of beagles (we both wanted one of those) and bassett hounds (love them too) we ended up with a cute little ball of fuzzy, fluffy puppy my husband christened Jack. He was sweet, and cuddly and adorable and I loved him- as did the kids.  We discovered early on that we could not afford Invisible Fence for our huge yard- that should have been warning #1. Then financial woes really set in- and we didn't have him fixed. Warning #2 that this was NOT a good plan.  Now that he is 2 years old  the cost has gone up considerably and I have washed my hands of the whole thing. This is my husbands dog..NOT MINE.  Now he bolts the door. Not as much as the last one did- but once is more than enough for me. Oh- and he sheds- giant clumps of hair when he blows his coat twice a year. Fucking gross. Oh- and he digs- giant holes where I USED to have some flowers...hubby will not fill them in and now I cannot have even one or two flowers (which is more than enough because I am not much on gardening either.)

Sp- if you haven't figured it out by now-I am not a dog person. Dogs  are drooling, shedding, noisy pains in the ass that screw up dinner parties (because I have so many of those) chew up your favorite shoes,put kinks in vacation plans, jump on you with muddy paws screwing up the nice outfit you just put on, knock down the small neighbor kids and make them cry, jump all over anyone who happens to walk up your driveway.....you get the point. 

Sure- little balls of fluffy puppy are a-freakin-dorable...  as is just about anything in baby form- it's the grand scheme, but those a-freakin-dorable balls of puppy fluffiness grow into yapping, shedding, drooling eating machines and you have to be a very patient person to make sure you don't end up with a damn Cujo.I am not that person. I do not want to always have to be checking my clothes for dog hair, or apologizing to any guests that might come over for the dog jumping all over them ( oh and don't even get into training with me- I tried EVERYTHING to get that damn mutt of my husbands to not jump up- short of 1000's of dollars on training.) watching the door to make sure the little fucker doesn't run away- causing ME to be completely inconvenienced and have to go to doggy jail and pick him up.

So I have issued an ultimatum- and I hate to do that- it's controlling and unfair- but in this case I feel it is necessary- it's either get rid of the damn dog ( and don't tell me to do it- it's your damn dog- you deal with it) or you go- and take the dog with you. The straw that broke the camel's back? Yesterday- Memorial Day. A beautiful dinner cooked and ready, planning on a sit down with the family with a trip for ice cream after- Noah lets the fucker out. So instead of sitting down with us and eating- hubby goes after the dog. It's 6:00 already- I do not have time for this shit. So instead of a nice dinner at the table- it's kids in front of the TV and me standing in the kitchen pissed off.  I will not be ruled by a four legged nuisance.

And before I am completely villified for disliking the whole canine species- let me say that dogs have many great uses- as service animals they are amazing- if Noah was severely autistic I would definitey be more open to the idea of a service dog (big difference here- LOTS of money and a shitload of training). Those who own and love dogs- good for you! I don't- I never will. I do not abuse animals, I absolutely despise anyone who hurts defenseless animals. Please do not confuse my not wanting to own a dog as cruelty. The dog in our house is fed well, and taken care of.

So- anybody want a smallish Shepard mix dog that needs to be fixed?  He is house trained and good with kids...just get him the hell outta my house!